Author Archives: lesliedinaberg

About lesliedinaberg

When she's not busy working as an editor on a variety of magazine and book projects, Leslie Dinaberg writes feature articles, columns and grocery lists.

One on one with Rachael Steidl

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Rachael Steidl (courtesy photo)

Rachael Steidl (courtesy photo)

Recognizing the need for a centralized place for parenting information in Santa Barbara, Rachel Steidl created SBParent.com, which quickly became an indispensable resource for parents when it launched in 2002. Part Internet portal, part calendar and part bulletin board, today her business not only serves locals, it’s also the model for 18 other cities that have licensed the ParentClick.com technology.

Leslie Dinaberg: How did SBParent start?

Rachael Steidl: I was watching the frustration of how much work it was for parents to find resources. When I looked into it and tried to find out why it was so hard to get information, one of the things I realized was that advertising is so expensive and most businesses can’t afford to do it. My goal was to bring all of that word-of-mouth information under one central spot by making it affordable for businesses and nonprofits.

LD: How is ParentClick different than SBParent?

RS: Prior to (starting ParentClick) we were getting a lot of inquiries from people wanting to know how to get something like this going in their community. So we looked at what we had done over the last three years and decided that we could help fast forward them getting to where SBParent has gotten to by not having to do so much of the learning. So we created ParentClick. What we do is provide service agreements to these territory owners, which builds the technology for them, the website, gives them training and ongoing support, but they are in actuality their own business.

LD: So is it a franchise?

RS: It’s not a franchise in the sense that they have their own business name, their own business model, they set their own pricing. … We’ve also expanded services … for people who don’t have it in their city …we added travel with kids, children’s book and movie reviews, the recipe club and articles.

LD: Have you found that the other sites are different from Santa Barbara?

RS: It’s up to each territory whether they want it to make money and if they’re going to do sales, but to me, no matter what–and I have committed to this since the day I started, whether I was getting a check or not–is there will always be information for parents so that it’s not a waste of their time. Some territories are definitely stronger than others in terms of the consistency with which they are posting information.

But on SBParent, new information is going up every single day. When I was in Greece this summer I was posting information … we just don’t ever stop, because to me it’s a business, but we always look at it from the parent perspective.

… I would rather talk a potential owner out of doing the site than take a check from them for the wrong reasons.

LD: Is it still mostly a solo operation?

RS: Locally Julie Sorenson helps me, and she is really a huge, huge part of SBParent. But ParentClick has been solo. But we’re hiring.

… My daughter said to me the other day, “Mommy,” because she always told me she’s going to do my site when she grows up. She says, “I don’t know if I’m going to do SBParent.com when I grow up. I just think it’s too much work.”

LD: How and when do you work?

RS: My standard working hours, now that all my kids are in school, are really 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. I’ve gotten really disciplined, even though I still work out of the home, at not working on anything going on in the home–just working.

From 2 p.m. to 8 p.m. are my mom hours and then from 8 p.m. to midnight are usually work hours again. … My kids’ biggest complaint is my pulling up to pick them up from school on my cell phone, because I am literally doing calls until I pick them up. One of the things I tell a lot of the territory owners, as wonderful as it is working from home and as wonderful as it is being your own boss, it’s no less work–actually I think it’s a lot more juggling–it’s just that you get to control what those hours are.

I would not change it for the world because I get to be at all my kids’ things. … To me it’s worth working at night to be able to have that time with the kids during the day.

LD: Do you ever think it would be easier to have a job with set hours?

RS: Sure, but the funny thing is that even on my worst day where I’ll look at the big picture and go, did I make a mistake growing the company, did I make a mistake starting a business, I look at how it’s affected people and the emails we get or the great conversations with some of our territories, and I think you know what–I love what I do.

Vital Stats: Rachael Ross Steidl

Birthdate and place: 7/17/70, Los Angeles

Family: Twins Ashley and Whitney (9) and Emily (5); husband Jamie.

Civic Involvement: Teddy Bear Cancer Foundation, Board President; Women’s Fund of Santa Barbara, Oversight Committee; Santa Barbara Foundation, Katherine Harvey Fellows; Junior Philanthropists, Fund for Santa Barbara; Hope School PTA.

Professional Accomplishments: Goleta Chamber of Commerce Small Business of the Year, 2007; 40 under 40, Pacific Coast Business Times; ParentClick.com is now licensed in 18 cities, with more on the way.

Little known fact: Rachael’s parents had a great cookware store in Santa Barbara in the late 70s-80s called D. Crosby Ross, which was a cross between a Pottery Barn and a Williams Sonoma.

Originally published in Noozhawk

Cocktails in a secret garden: Breast Cancer Resource Center of Santa Barbara

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Breast Cancer Resource CenterThe stunning ocean views and lush backdrop of Cynthia and Eric Spivey‘s Montecito garden were surpassed only by the outpouring of generosity and good will at the Breast Cancer Resource Center of Santa Barbara‘s ninth annual garden party benefit. Chairs Daryl Stegall and Pamela Massey and their hard-working committee outdid themselves this year, raising more than $138,000 to benefit the BCRC, which provides a warm and welcoming place where people with breast cancer, and their loved ones, find a caring network of people (mostly cancer survivors) ready to answer questions, lend an ear, and help them obtain information to make informed decisions.

KTYD DJ Matt McAllister worked his auctioneer’s magic touch through a fabulous bevy of auction items, including a Surfing Photo Safari with Jeff Divine, which sold for $10,000; a one-of-kind custom necklace created by local jeweler Daniel Gibbings just for the event; a Sun Valley Snowboarding Vacation with World Champion and inventor of the snowboard, Tom Sims; and an evening of dinner and poker with Peter Noone, lead singer of Herman’s Hermits. Guests inhaled the smells of gorgeous roses from Rose Story Farm, sampled tasty treats from Ernie Price Catering and enjoyed the new Boomerang Australian Vodka and Wattle Creek wines, but perhaps the afternoon’s most moving moments came when former Assemblywoman Hannah Beth Jackson shared her story of receiving comfort from the BCRC after being diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago.

The Breast Cancer Resource Center celebrated its tenth year of service in Santa Barbara on October 13, helping more than 6,000 clients with in-house services–such as support groups; complimentary massage, Reflexology and Reiki treatments; and mentor programs–as well as community outreach and education programs.

Originally published in Noozhawk

Something spooky this way comes

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Image courtesy of samattiw,www.freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of samattiw,www.freedigitalphotos.net

Five billion dollars buys a lot of wax lips, talking Draculas and glow-in-the-dark plastic maggots. The National Retail Federation (NRF) says that Halloween spending will be up 10 percent this year, carving out an absolutely mind-numbing, record-breaking chunk of cash from our pockets.

Why are we so enamored with inflatable skeletons, candy corn, and fake cobwebs? I’ve got a few theories:

Halloween is the naughty little sister of Christmas.

There are parties and candy associated with both, but little sis (Halloween) is a lot looser than big sis (Christmas). She doesn’t feel that same sense of tradition and responsibility. She just wants to have fun. Instead of mistletoe, which must be grown or purchased, little sis (Halloween) has cobwebs, which you can find for free at my house. Big sis (Christmas) takes herself so seriously, with all that ritual stuff about keeping traditions alive, not to mention the cooking, the tipping, the shopping, the wrapping, the cards. … No wonder she gets migraines.

Halloween has gone to the dogs.

Talk about tricks for treats, one in ten Halloween celebrants plan on putting Fifi or Fido in some kind of frightful frock this year. That’s 7.4 million furry friends getting in touch with their inner Devils (12 %), pumpkins (9.2%), witches (4.5%), princesses (3.8%) and angels (3.3%). What about Cat Dog? That’s always my pet fish’s favorite costume.

“Many consumers who own pets think of them as family members,” said NRF President and CEO Tracy Mullin. “Pet owners will go all out to include dogs, cats and other critters in Halloween festivities, including trick-or-treating, handing out candy or even celebrating at a friend or family members’ house.”

Halloween is the new Christmas.

It comes earlier, lasts longer, and gets more expensive every year. While the boatloads of Mini Hershey Bars and paper pumpkin decorations that adorn store aisles just minutes after the Valentine’s Day conversation hearts and cupids are put on clearance pale in comparison to the plethora of dancing Santas, candy canes and fake snow, that’s only because my Christmas shopping theory of “one for you, one for me” is finally catching on. Otherwise, Halloween would be winning the consumer consumption race by now. Just think about how many of your Halloween purchases are edible (Reese’s peanut butter cups must be consumed with a week or they will haunt you), potentially delinquent (pumpkins will either end up as roadkill or as a landscape accoutrement to toilet paper), or non-repeatable (like that Monica Lewinsky costume from 1998).

The only “green” thing about Halloween is the glow-in-the-dark goblins.

The Grinch stole Christmas, but the adults stole Halloween.

Increasingly, adults have been elbowing children out of the way to claim the creepiest holiday as their own. Nearly a third of adults will be hitting the town in costume this year and I’ll be right with them. After all, what’s not to like about a holiday where you can dress up in an esoteric costume and pat yourself on the back for being smarter than other people when you continually have to explain what you are. Or a holiday where you can knock on someone’s door while wearing a mask and don’t have to worry about them calling the cops, or eat mini candy bars and fantasize that you’ve become a giant.

But the very best thing about Halloween is that it’s the only holiday no one can claim you’re “forgetting the true meaning of.” It’s all about the two “C’s”: costumes and candy. Think about it. You get to wear slutty or scary (or slutty and scary) costumes and no one gives you a hard time, and then demand chocolate from other people because you did so. Now that’s my kind of holiday.

Leslie’s favorite Halloween joke is: “What did one ghost say to the other ghost? Do you believe in people?” Send yours to email. For more of Leslie’s columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 26, 2007.

The “F” Word

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Candidate BarbieIt is ironic that feminism has become the “F” word at the same time a woman is finally the frontrunner to become president.

Maybe there’s something in the air, some kind of 2007-meets-1955 pheromones being emitted from our plastic water bottles. I felt like I entered a retro time warp zone the other day.

I was addressing envelopes, which felt a bit retro to begin with, but apparently hand written envelopes get opened 67% more frequently than others do. One of the nonprofits I’m involved with sent out an appeal to all of the neighbors in specific zip codes. We got the addresses based on a title search, and lo and behold, about 93% of the homes have a man’s name listed as the sole owner.

Now I know that the majority of these million dollar plus homeowners are not single men; in fact, I know a lot of their wives. And I know that we have community property laws in California, which means that the wives actually do own half their homes, regardless of whether their name is on the deed. But still, why on earth wouldn’t you put the house in both partners’ names? Surely not all women have credit like mine.

I’m seeing some other disturbingly retro trends in the air.

According to the Boston Globe, “asking dad for her hand in marriage” is a hot trend among bridegrooms to be. Call me old-fashioned, but doesn’t this set the stage for the old “I’ll give you five goats, three porcupines and half an acre of rutabagas for your daughter” negotiation? What if the daughter doesn’t want to marry the guy? And if dad gets a vote in the son-in-law race, doesn’t mom have anything to say about it?

Maybe mom’s not there to negotiate her daughter’s chattel merger because she’s too busy redecorating. That seems to be the not-so-subtle-message with new toys like Hasbro’s Rose Petal Cottage, a pretend house where little girls can make their housewife fantasies come true.

I checked, and the cottage does not come with any bon-bons, red wine, or a masseuse named Sven. Where’s the housewife fantasy part?

The Rose Petal Cottage tag line is: “Where dreams have room to grow.” One of the commercials croons: “I love when my laundry gets so clean/ Taking care of my home is a dream, dream, dream!”

More like a nightmare, nightmare, nightmare!

I don’t know what the elves at Hasbro were smoking when they came up with this idea, but maybe they were reading the Los Angeles Times, which recently did a story about the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary’s new program in holy homemaking. The “academic” homemaker major enrolls only women, and includes coursework on baking cookies, laundering and child rearing. I tease, but it turns out that the kind of women who enroll actually need the instruction–many had been rearing their laundry and baking children.

This is the kind of stuff that makes Brain Surgeon Barbie look like a feminist icon. Though I guess there’s some hope in the news that the “Barbie I Can Be” career series is being updated. Barbie’s new job opportunities include becoming a pet sitter, art teacher, ballet teacher, baby doctor, ocean trainer and a cake baker. Maybe she can bake us up a yummy smelling chocolate layer cake to counteract the scent of all this retro stuff in the air.

While she’d rather be eating bon bons and watching Grey’s Anatomy, than cleaning her house and baking cookies, Leslie’s computer is almost always on, and you can email her at email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 19, 2007.

Noozhawk Talks: One on One With William Macfadyen

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Bill Macfadyen (courtesy photo)

Bill Macfadyen (courtesy photo)

Soft-spoken, with a courtly politeness that seems more Southern than Southern California, William (Bill) Macfadyen doesn’t exactly conjure up images of your typical work-into-the-wee-hours, Red Bull-drinking, pimply-faced Internet entrepreneur. But with this week’s launch of Noozhawk, Santa Barbara’s first comprehensive, free online newspaper, he’s aiming to be the local daily on everybody’s lips–and laptops.

Leslie Dinaberg: Tell me about Noozhawk?

William Macfadyen: It is a community newspaper without the paper. There are two parts to it: it will be professional reporters, like yourself, doing original reporting on news, business, sports, real estate, nonprofits, schools. So there will be original content that we provide on the site, and then the real hook to the site will be to get the community involved through contributions from what I’m calling community contributors.

LD: Do you mean blogs?

WM: No, what we want to do is tie Noozhawk into the community by getting involved with all the networks that exist within Santa Barbara, communities within the community. That would mean a church or a club sports program or a school or a nonprofit or a business even …They can tell the story, submit their stories to Noozhawk and then we can help them get that word out about their organization.

LD: Will there be some way for readers to distinguish whether they are reading something from a member of an organization versus a professionally written and reported story?

WM: Yes, because the consumer needs to know what’s professional objective reporting, and what is a contribution from somebody who has an agenda … when it comes to a small nonprofit group or a school, they’re just really enthusiastic about their mission and want to get that word out. I think a community newspaper is uniquely suited to tell that story and we think Noozhawk will be able to do that in a way that a [printed] community newspaper, with all of its infrastructure, can’t possibly tell or afford.

LD: Explain the economics of that. Why is it easier to do that online?

WM: It’s so much easier to do that online because the Internet is infinite space. It’s basically free. There’s not an artificial or arbitrary limit on paging or a time.

LD: Will there be an editorial page?

WM: Noozhawk itself won’t take editorial positions or make endorsements on candidates or projects, what we want to do is foster debate on community issues that aren’t being covered or serviced anywhere else in town.

Santa Barbara is the greatest community in the world but we do have some really big challenges ahead of us: housing, transportation, the change in demographics, all of those issues are crying out for some kind of community dialogue and it just isn’t there. So what we want to do is offer a place where people can have that debate and discuss those issues and ask the questions that need to be asked, and maybe through that process we can help develop some solutions to some of those challenges.

LD: One of the things that I hear from people that are relying on the Internet now for most of their local news is that “it’s out there but there’s so much other stuff to sift through.”

WM: That’s kind of where this whole concept came in because anecdotally many, many people in town have come up with their own routines to find out what’s going on in their community. …The problem with that is … you’re not trained to go out and search for the news. …You’re not a journalist. And the news delivery really should be brainless … it should just magically show up on your doorstep, in your driveway, in your inbox, wherever, and you shouldn’t have to go looking for it. … What we’re trying to do is pull that all together and then basically be a one stop shop for people to get their news and then move on with their day. … There is no newspaper of record or information source of record. Noozhawk aims to change that.

LD: Where does the name Noozhawk come from?

WM: News hawk is slang for a newspaper reporter, so we just had a little Web 2.0ish fun with the news end of it and named it Noozhawk. Plus hawks are flying everywhere and they see everything.

LD: Why are you personally doing this?

WM: Because I’m not qualified to do anything else.

I’m too old for the Dodgers, although they could use me. I’m personally doing this because I’m very committed to Santa Barbara. I’m proud to live here. I love this community and I don’t like the fact that it’s not being served by its media. I think I know how to put together a quality news product, and I know I know the community, and what I’m trying to do is marry those two and fill a void.

LD: Why will this succeed when other start-up news ventures have failed?

WM: I have no idea what you’re talking about. (Laughs) Henry Ford said, “Failure is an opportunity to start anew only more intelligently.” And that’s what I am doing. I would not have undertaken this endeavor without the Beacon experience and part of that is, I think the Beacon was a fantastic newspaper. Certainly it served its readers very well. … But it failed as a business because we weren’t able to connect with the advertisers quickly enough. And so with Noozhawk, the genesis and evolution of that has been the opposite. I started out talking to advertisers first.

LD: So it feels like they are ready to embrace the Internet?

WM: That’s interesting because when we had the Beacon and we talked about the web part of it, the readership just wasn’t there yet … That dynamic and that whole attitude has changed. What I found in talking to those advertisers is that when I went back to them last fall and started talking to them about this project, their reaction was, “I’m done with print, it no longer works for me, it’s all about the Internet. Internet, Internet, Internet.”

When I first had the idea, older readers, retirees, who had been the core newspaper readers for generations, were resistant to the concept. …Then as time went on, and the Santa Barbara situation kind of deteriorated, I was finding even at the retiree level, the former newspaper reader level, those people were saying, “You know what. I’m actually finding my news online and it’s not that bad. I don’t really miss that routine.” Plus it’s environmentally friendly

LD: Are there any other models or any other communities that are already doing this kind of thing successfully?

WM: Not that I could find with a successful advertising model. … For this to succeed, the business community needs to support it and see it as a worthwhile endeavor that’s effective for their needs.

Without going into the details, I think Santa Barbara has some unique circumstances that are lending themselves to this idea here at this time. That said, I think you need to have some authenticity, and you need to really know the community. And I think we have some advantages in that area. The folks we have involved really know this community. Both Jim Farr (former publisher of the Goleta Valley Voice and Noozhawk’s Operations Manager) and I, obviously, were both community newspaper publishers. We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things in the political spectrum but we’re both passionate about this community and want the best for it, and I think we have a certain respect and credibility in the community, at least in the business community.

LD: What’s the business model? How will this venture actually make money?

WM: Advertising revenue. It’s advertising supported, it’s free to use. We’re asking people to register for the daily email that goes out, but the idea would be that advertising is paying for the site in most cases.

LD: What about if the people at the table next to us were talking about Noozhawk, what would you want them to be saying?

WM: We want them to be talking about it all the time, like my gosh, it’s the most effective, more informative source for news and Information I’ve ever seen. I think at its heart, we want them to recognize Santa Barbara within Noozhawk’s website, The community that they know, we want to make sure that it’s reflected on the site.

It’s a great community, you know, I know it, everybody knows it, but too often it’s just invisible.

LD: What do you know now that you wish you would have known when you started the Beacon?

WM: You know, I thought when we started the Beacon that I really knew Santa Barbara and I didn’t. I had lived here at that time about 17 years, and just didn’t quite know or appreciate how interconnected everything was. And I think partly through the Beacon and partly through the Goleta Valley Chamber of Commerce, I think I have a great understanding and greater appreciation of how it all works, which is why I’m confident about Noozhawk’s success.

LD: When you’re not working, what do you like to do?

WM: It’s Dodgers Baseball and it’s killing me now.

LD: If you had to sum yourself up with just three adjectives, what would they be?

Persistent

Principled

Confident

LD: Is there anything else you want to tell our readers?

I would say that Noozhawk is as much about them, actually is more about them than it is about our community, and so for them to take ownership of the site and get involved, our community will benefit, because at the end of the day, they have more knowledge about what’s going on in the community collectively than any single news source does individually. We really want their involvement.

Vital Statistics: William M. Macfadyen

Born: Sept. 8, 1960, Chicago

Family: Wife, Missy; children, Will, Colin and Kirsten; one Alaskan malamute

Civic Involvement: Board chairman, Goleta Valley Chamber of Commerce; board secretary, Regional Legislative Alliance; board member, Coastal Housing Coalition and Santa Barbara Community Housing Corp.; past senior warden, All Saints By-the-Sea Episcopal Church

Professional Accomplishments: Co-founded the late South Coast Beacon newspaper, recipient of the California Newspaper Publishers Association’s General Excellence Award in its first year of eligibility; charter member, American Copy Editors Society

Little-Known Fact: Grandfather, Jack Macfadyen, founded the Malibu Times newspaper in the 1940s

Originally published in Noozhawk on October 16, 2007. Here’s the link to the original story.

The Itty Bitty Titty Charity

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© Alfredofalcone | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Alfredofalcone | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Men are such boobs.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to hear about the latest “charitable” Internet scheme, where “philanthropically-inclined” guys go online to support women in their quests for fake breasts. That’s right, I’m talking about MyFreeImplants.com, the testosterone- and alcohol-fueled brainCHILD of Jay Moore and Jason Grunstra, a Bay Area entrepreneurial duo who first came up with the idea during–what else?–a bachelor party in–where else?–Las Vegas.

Of course, I visited the site as soon as I got to my computer–my cups runneth over with comedic possibilities. According to the founders, during the bachelor party a conversation started up about “how one of the ladies had the most perfect set of breasts.” It was probably right between discussions of Darfur and the Democratic primary.

Anyway, the perfect-breasted woman told them how she had recently gotten implants, and “her beautiful friend (Natasha, who became the first woman to get implants from the site, and is now the company’s official spokesmodel) chimed in and mentioned that she wanted to get hers done but could not yet afford the $6,000 price tag that her friend had just paid. One of us yelled out ‘I got $5 on it’ and then someone else offered $10, and then $20, and then $50. By the time we got around the suite there was a verbal commitment amongst all the guys in the room to pay for 25% of her implants!”

Just think, if Natasha hadn’t been beautiful, that light bulb would probably never have ignited and the more than 20 other women that have been “helped” by this site since it’s 2005 debut would still be flat chested and unfulfilled in their life’s ambitions. Bless you, Natasha.

When the site refers to its suckers, I mean donors, as “benefactors,” somehow I’m thinking this endeavor is not the gateway to inspire a new generation of young men to join the Peace Corp. or volunteer at the Red Cross. But you never know. People who are really involved in charity work always say that helping others is addictive. I’m that when there’s a hops crisis, these are the guys who will be there for “Beer Aid.”

Maybe my mind is in the gutter, and the site’s plea to, “Help the girl of YOUR dreams, get the body of her dreams. Develop a connection with a girl of your choice and help her earn Free Breast Implants!” is just a charitable appeal, pure and simple. ‘Cause it doesn’t feel like porn at all.

MyFreeImplants.com offers “benefactors” the opportunity to “interact with real girls, receive custom photos, send ladies donations, receive custom videos, and chat with girls online.” Bizarrely, this is the same bosom buddy interaction that Sally Struthers’ Christian Children’s Fund offers in exchange for your support of orphans in Africa.

The site’s banner ads feature a bikini-clad cartoon female, on her hands and knees as a hand drops coins into her back and her breasts grow, above the headline: “Create the Perfect Girl at MyFreeImplants.com!” Classy. If nothing else, it proves the one and only proven theory about the Internet–where there are breasts, there’s an audience.

Sadly, increasing the size of one’s breasts does nothing to the intelligence of the person they’re attached to–but it can affect the brainpower of the person staring at them.

This is why I’m starting a website with nothing but boobs on it, called FreeMoney4Leslie.com.

So are these guys philanthropists, marketing geniuses, or just a bunch of boobs? They do offer this disclaimer: “While we at MyFreeImplants do not believe that physical beauty is all there is to a person, we do firmly believe that those with confidence in themselves and their appearance are more likely to be happy and content in their everyday lives. Please, let us help you to become all that you are capable of. Change your life for the better, one step at a time.”

Maybe I’m the boob, for giving these guys even more publicity. Then again, it is my job to keep you abreast of this sort of thing. Bad Leslie! If only there was a FreeMyPuns.com.

Send your thoughts on the online knife life to email. For more of Leslie’s columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 12, 2007.

Sometimes I feel like bologna on wry

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© Jkstudio@aol.com | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Jkstudio@aol.com | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I had one of those “aha” moments the other day when I found mold in a piece of frozen bread. Isn’t that why we freeze bread in the first place? To keep those gross green spores from invading our otherwise pristine baked goods?

It’s a metaphor, I realized. My life is sandwiched between the beginning and the end. I’m somewhere between that fresh, hot-out-of-the-oven, mouth-watering, buttery baguette, and a dried-up end of old pumpernickel that you’ve been saving in the back of the freezer for a science experiment. And the mold is … ignore the mold. It doesn’t work in my metaphor, but it was gross and I thought I’d share.

How did this happen? It seems just a minute ago that I was in the middle of elementary school, and now my son is there. Wasn’t it just yesterday that my mom was the one running errands for her parents and schlepping the kids around town? Why am I driving carpool? Where are all the adults? Shouldn’t there be a grownup here to pass my overflowing plate of stresses and responsibilities along to?

I read a study recently that says the average person will spend 17 years taking care of a child and 18 years taking care of a parent. But my parents have been taking care of me for 44 years now and I’ve been “helping out” with them for, well, I’m planning to start next week. Which means they’ve got to live a good long time if we’re ever going to even things up statistically.

Again, I’m the grown-up? When did I make the switch from having mom to cut the crusts off my bread to being the one making sure we had peanut butter in the cabinet and cheese in the fridge?

And when did my membership shift from Generation X (by marriage–it counts) to the Sandwich Generation? Did I miss a meeting? I’m definitely missing some brain cells. The other day, I was driving away in my car when it dawned on me that my 8-year-old son was still sitting in our living room, home alone, since my husband had gone out to pick up his mother.

I know–from friends I’d like to keep, who shall therefore remain nameless–that this kind of “whoops, I forgot Johnny” incident happens to people with lots of kids all the time. But, let’s face it, they have extra children, so leaving one of them behind by accident is only a minor disaster.

As an only child, Koss is our not just our only contribution to the future of the planet, he’s also our great white hope for the future (a.k.a. our retirement plan), so if something were to happen to him, well, let’s just say that wouldn’t be chopped liver.

Although I think he’s caviar, or whatever that really rare and precious Japanese fish is that people pay millions of dollars for–he’s an open-faced sandwich, with no siblings to keep the ingredients together. When eventually it’s his turn to juggle that massive Dagwood sandwich made up of his kids on one side, us (his parents) on the other and him jammed in the middle, he’ll have no one to help him.

This does not bode well for me, ’cause he’s already killed a fish and lost a dog.

Another “aha” moment: We may have to adopt a nurse someday.

If life is a sandwich, which kind are you? Tell us at email. For more of Leslie’s columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 5, 2007.

Lionesses of Winter

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They Take Pride in Giving Back

It takes passion, money and a lot of hard work for Santa Barbara’s most treasured nonprofit organizations to thrive. This community tradition of giving back by supporting education, caring for those in need, and sharing a love for nature and the arts has an incredibly generous cast of leading ladies at its helm. Not content to simply be the torchbearers, they are also keeping an eye toward the next generation of the philanthropic community.

“I’m trying to spread the circle,” says Shirley Ann Hurley. “I’ve brought young women into my life who care passionately about these sorts of things that I do and they stimulate me and …I love the excitement that is getting to know all of these wonderful people.”

Let’s meet a few of the women who help keep the community alive and well.

The Leading Ladies

Betty Hatch

La Belle Foundation, Granada Theatre, Girl Scouts, Girls Inc., Hospice, CAMA, Cottage Hospital, Council on Drug and Alcohol Abuse, the Arts Fund, Santa Barbara Zoo, Santa Barbara Art Association, Santa Barbara Museum of Art, Foodbank of Santa Barbara County, Santa Barbara Ballet

“My life has been dedicated to the teaching of self-esteem,” says Hatch, founder of La Belle Modeling Agency (1963-1991), and now executive director of the La Belle Foundation, which offers young women free training in self-esteem, self-development and personal and social responsibility.”

“Giving to the community is just a pleasure; it’s a demonstration of our gratitude and our love for everybody here.”

Shirley Ann Hurley
Santa Barbara Scholarship Foundation, Family Service Agency, Santa Barbara Public Education Foundation, CALM, Anti-Defamation League, Santa Barbara Foundation

“The things I’ve wanted to spend my time on are the things that help children and young people become the best that they can be, which means to live up to their full potential … The organization that I have probably put the most years into and time is the Family Service Agency. The concept that we could intervene early in a child’s life and with that child’s family and help them raise a more secure child was what hooked me.”

“People keep saying what do you do for fun. I said everything. All of this is fun. And it is. It’s work, but it’s fun. There’s nothing I like better than working with a group of deeply caring people. It is so exciting. And the fact that you know that together you can make a difference in somebody’s lives and your community is just such a reward.”

Gerd Jordano
Cottage Hospital Building Campaign, Westmont College Foundation, CALM

“Board members are ambassadors for those organizations. They are sort of cheerleaders and are able to sort of talk and share what that organization is and what it’s all about. It’s really an opportunity to educate people about that organization and that gives me great joy to share my passion and my knowledge about that particular organization.”

“I’m a former cheerleader so I continue that same passion, only I’m just not jumping up and down anymore (laughs). But I do get very passionate about what I get involved with and it just brings me a lot of joy.”

Carol Palladini
Santa Barbara Women’s Fund

“The concept of the Santa Barbara Women’s Fund (which will have given away more than $1 million by the end of the year) is making your time and money most effectively used by a lot of women writing checks and putting them together and doing direct fundraising, so that you’re not spending a lot of money to make money… Our umbrella is giving in support of the greater Santa Barbara area; it has to be local, to benefit unmet needs for women, children and families.”

“A lot of the work that I’ve done in the past, on and off boards, has some Heartache mixed in with the joy of it. This has been a pleasure from the beginning.”

Joanne Rapp
Santa Barbara Foundation, Santa Barbara Scholarship Foundation, CALM, Cottage Hospital, Botanic Gardens, Laguna Cottages, Montecito Community Foundation

“I have enjoyed working with organizations that are targeted at helping youth with their educational goals, in particular the Scholarship Foundation and the Santa Barbara Foundation student loan program. Everything that you work on and within the nonprofit community enhances the quality of life and the effectiveness of our community, but helping the students transfers anywhere. … It will strengthen the fabric of whatever community that they land in.”

The Next Generation

Tiffany Foster
Storyteller, Crane Country Day School, Howard School, All Saints by the Sea Parish School, Lotusland, Lobero Theatre, Santa Barbara Museum of Art SMART Families

“When I arrived in Santa Barbara four years ago … it seemed that every fabulous, intelligent person I met was volunteering for either Storyteller or Lotusland. Before I knew it I was in the center of a vibrant group of caring women and men who dedicated their energy, financial resources, and business acumen to help make a difference in our local community.”

“Storyteller Children’s Center provides daycare and preschool to homeless toddlers in Santa Barbara as well as support services for their families. Young children deserve security, safety and a stable environment. … It is difficult to find a more worthy cause.”

Kisa Heyer
Lotusland, Santa Barbara Museum of Art SMART Families, Crane Country Day School, Storyteller, Lobero Theatre, Sarah House, Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History, CAMA

“Even after being involved with Lotusland for so long, I’m still amazed by it–not only with its collections, design, architecture, and programs–but also with the story behind the garden. Madame Ganna Walska’s wonderland is such a benefit to our community. It’s magical to see joy that children (all 4th graders visit) and adults express after visiting the garden, and no surprise, really, that we are becoming world-renowned as a one-of-a-kind experience.”

Jill Levinson
Lotusland, Visiting Nurse and Hospice Care of SB, Storyteller, New Beginnings Counseling Center, Lobero Theatre, All Saints by the Sea Parish School, Santa Barbara Museum of Art SMART Families.

“I think everyone has a need for hospice care for themselves or their loved ones at some point in their life. I just feel like it’s very important to support these organizations because they’re necessary. If they disappeared that would be a travesty for our community. Our community is so fortunate to have so much to offer everyone. I think that’s part of what’s really special about Santa Barbara, it tries to take care of people.”

Laura Shelburne
Storyteller, Crane Country Day School, the Santa Barbara Museum of Art, Stanford University, Lotusland, Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History.

“Winston Churchill once said, ‘We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.’ I spent a number of years practicing corporate law, working around the clock during the Silicon Valley boom, and I always regretted that I didn’t have enough time to do worthwhile pro bono work. While I was one of those oxymoronic happy lawyers, I have to say that now it is wonderful to be able to choose my own “clients” based on causes I believe in and use my skills and experience to help non-profits. I also feel strongly that I should set an example for my children by doing things for others and for institutions that will outlast us and continue to benefit future generations.

Lisa Wolf
Santa Barbara Ballet, CAMA, Storyteller, Lotusland, Santa Barbara Zoo, Lobero Theatre, Santa Barbara Museum of Art SMART Families, French Heritage Society, Laguna Blanca

“We started a group at the art museum because we had a feeling that the art museum was reaching out really effectively to kids in town, elementary school students and underprivileged kids and it was also a great resource for very very serious art collectors, but there was nothing in the middle. … So we created this group called SMART families (and it’s Santa Barbara Museum of Art, not that we think we’re especially bright) but a really wonderful group.”

“When you know that you’ve helped make it possible for somebody to attend a program or for somebody to be exposed to opera or some great cultural moment, or to just alleviate human suffering, it’s a great privilege to be able to do it.”

Originally published in Santa Barbara Magazine, 2007

Elephant Walk

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© Urosr | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Urosr | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

My first introduction to my future in-laws came via a giant UPS package full of t-shirts and fake poop.

They were living on a boat in Maryland at the time and weren’t able to make it home to Santa Barbara for Christmas. But believe me, they were there in spirit and found a way to make their presence felt.

“Ooh, a gift for me,” I exclaimed, as I opened the package to reveal a t-shirt with a ginormous elephant head on the front, and an even larger elephant bottom on the back. Hmmm. Were they trying to tell me I needed to develop a thicker skin to be a part of their family?

They’d never met me before, so maybe they hadn’t been given an accurate scouting report about my um, fashion sensibilities. Or maybe it was supposed to symbolize something. Aren’t elephants considered lucky in some cultures? Could be. But still, an elephant t-shirt? I know that shopping opportunities are limited when you live on the high seas, but what about a nice abalone shell?

As I catalogued the possible meanings of the gift, I noticed something odd: everyone in my boyfriend’s family got the same t-shirt. Huh.

“This is so dad,” mused Big Brother Bruce.

“Here are the instructions,” said Big Sister Julie, as we herded around to listen. I have since learned that elephants live in a very structured social order. “Number one: Put on t-shirts.” I giggled nervously as I watched every single other person in the room put on their ridiculous shirt without a moment’s hesitation.

Was there an elephant in the room that was forcing them to do this? Their parents were miles away. Why were they all following instructions?

“C’mon, Leslie, you’re one of us now,” urged Little Sister Holly. The social circle of the female elephant does not end with the small family unit. She may as well have been telling me to drink the Kool-Aid.

I have since learned that the female elephant’s life also involves interaction with other families, clans, and subpopulations, such as potential sister-in-laws. I gritted my teeth and put the t-shirt on over the cute new outfit I had spent days agonizing over and would eventually spend half a paycheck paying for.

“Number two,” read Julie. “Take the unopened package labeled ‘open at La Cumbre Plaza‘ to mall.” I watched in astonishment as people began gathering purses, sweaters and car keys.

My protest, “but I haven’t finished my wine,” was met by a flash of a flask from Brother-in-law Eric. “Don’t worry, we’ve got it covered,” he reassured me.

Minutes later we were at the mall, as instructed, opening the mystery package. It contained a disposable camera and what I first thought were a bunch of coconuts. Wouldn’t that have been nice? Expensive to ship, but in the range of normal.

No such luck. They turned out to be brown plastic elephant droppings, inscribed with each of our names.

I’ve heard about stock being used as a dowry, or even livestock, but my future in-laws had sent me plastic poop. That couldn’t be a good sign.

“Find someone to take your picture,” read Julie. This wasn’t an easy task, since people aren’t exactly swarming the mall on Christmas Day. All the stores are closed. We managed to flag down a disheveled looking woman who was pounding and screaming at the window of Pottery Barn in an attempt to buy one last perfect sandalwood candle.

I felt like screaming myself. Why couldn’t they have given me a nice candle for Christmas? Or even a book of matches. My reverie was interrupted by Julie’s reading of the order for us to gather in a straight line.

Now I know that elephants communicate over long distances by producing and receiving low-frequency sound, which can travel through the ground farther than sound travels through the air, but the idea that my future father-in-law was choreographing this scene all the way from Maryland still stuns me.

Apparently the long distance sound waves can be felt by the sensitive skin of an elephant’s feet and trunk, which pick up the resonant vibrations. No wonder I felt like pounding my head and stomping my feet. Even the crazy Pottery Barn lady thought we were nuts when Julie read the final instruction to “line up in order of age. Then, one-two-three drop your poops.”

The camera clicked as, one by one, we dropped poop. I’ve never felt so ridiculous in my life. I’ve also never laughed so hard.

In a very, very, very odd way, I knew I had just passed through some sort of strange family initiation.

Ah, the foibles of families. I knew them well. Female elephants spend their entire lives in tightly knit family groups, which my own tribe had prepared me well for.

But male elephants are different. As they get older, they begin to spend more time at the edge of the herd, gradually going off on their own for hours or days at a time. Eventually, days become weeks, and finally the mature male elephant sets out from his natal group for good, as my father-in-law did when he passed away this week.

But I know he’s still with us in many, many ways. We’re elephants, and elephants never forget.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on September 28, 2007.

Bleeping Sally Field

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Sally-Field-You-Like-Me-238x238What is it with Sally Field and award show speeches?

Her dorky “you like me, you really like me” gushing from the Academy Awards Show 22 years ago, still ranks as one of the all-time-most-memorable Oscar speeches.

And at Sunday night’s Emmys, she did it again.

OK, so she could have used a better script. And sure, she got flustered, lost her place, and babbled her lines. But somehow Sally Field still managed to deliver the best momologue I’ve heard at an awards show since, well, her Best Actress win back in 1987.

Bleep the delivery, thanks to the Bleeping Fox network, her censored sentiment–“if the mothers ruled the world, there would be no g–damn wars in the first place”–certainly got my attention. There are surely more articulate ways to speak out against the Bleeping war or praise the nonviolent instincts of women, but that’s beside the point.

Thanks to the Bleeping Bleeps at Fox, Gidget–whom a number of web surfers apparently thought rode her way into the sunset 20 years ago–cowabunga-ed her way into a gigantic wave of media attention.

Instead of being just another Hollywood headliner, seizing her 15 forgettable seconds on the soap box, the Flying Nun’s momologue actually inspired some dialogue and debate about war, God, freedom of speech and censorship.

Who knew that a silly Bleeping awards show could end up being so thought provoking?

I have no problem–obviously–with someone using their minute in the spotlight to voice their own personal views.

Most people blow it. Either they thank a bunch of people that work for them and forget to thank their nearest and dearest, or they thank the Almighty and forget to thank the director who made them look so much better than they actually were.

At least Sally Field tried to do something constructive with her few moments in the spotlight.

Not surprisingly, some people had a field day mocking the idea that putting a woman in charge might actually lead to more peaceful solutions, using examples like Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, and Margaret Thatcher as mothers who went to war.

I think that’s a load of Bleep.

Nothing makes you value human life more than giving birth to a 15-pound baby with a 21-inch-wide head–unless of course you do it without an epidural, in which case you’d happily start bombing Canada just to distract yourself.

In 1870, long before Hallmark even existed, Julia Ward Howe dreamed up Mother’s Day, intending it to be a Mother’s Day for Peace. After nursing the wounded during the American Civil War, she gave a Bleep of a momologue, declaring:

“Arise all women who have hearts, say firmly: Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. In the name of womanhood and of humanity; take counsel with each other as the means whereby the great human family can live in peace.”

Peace is as patriotic as mom’s apple pie. And so is talking about whatever the Bleep you want to on award shows or anywhere else.

So here’s to bleeping Sally Field. I, for one, really do like her.

Tell us what you think about Sally’s speech, or Leslie’s column for that matter, by emailing email.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on September 21, 2007.