Tag Archives: LeslieDinaberg.com

Family ways sometimes leave a lot to be desired

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Photo by luist & his inner pig, Flickr.com.

Photo by luist & his inner pig, Flickr.com.

Tribal customs can be a mystery to outsiders. Are you fine with that?

“Feliz Navidad,” sang those sweet, high-pitched voices of the fourth and fifth grade children.
“I want to wish you a Peaceful Solstice. I want to wish you a Happy Hanukkah. I want to wish you a Joyful Kwanza. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.”
It was the most politically correct holiday concert I’d ever seen.
If only my own holiday rituals could be so inclusive.
There’s one very important fact about marriage that gets lost in the sea of white silk and perfect place settings that all of those bridal magazines are so enamored with.
You don’t just marry a man; you marry an entire family.
With that family comes decades worth of holiday rituals that are guaranteed to be different than your own.
And let’s be honest here, when it comes to holiday celebrations, different isn’t just different — it’s plain wrong.
So after we’ve cleaned up all of that wrapping paper and eaten our last bite of Christmas turkey and we pull out a deck of cards this year, I’ll have to ask, once again: “Are we playing Dinaberg or Klobucher rules?” Because Klobucher rules are weird. It’s like they actually read the directions or something. And they don’t cheat, which I take as an affront to every thing my father ever taught me.
I love my husband’s family, but sometimes when I’m with them I feel like I’m an anthropologist digging through exotic terrain.
I should have known I was in for trouble when we were first dating and my future husband took me out for a lovely birthday dinner. The food was fabulous. He’d invited only my favorite friends and bought me that perfect pair of earrings I had slyly hinted that I wanted.
It was when he took me home that the trouble began.
There was no cake.
No cake.
Not just no chocolate cake, but no cake whatsoever.
“But we had Crème Brulee at the restaurant,” he protested, like that had anything to do with my missing birthday cake.
He didn’t understand. Birthdays are a big deal in my family. They last at least a month (several months in my mother’s case), with both family and friend versions of the celebration.
The specifics may vary a little from year to year, but one thing doesn’t. There is always cake.
And by the way, the proper way to figure out birthday candles is your age plus “one to grow on.” This is science.
“A little more is always better” is my family’s philosophy.
My husband comes from a mother who fed four growing kids on two Chinese dinners from Ming-ons.
I, on the other hand, come from a Jewish mother.
So I know that if, God forbid, you have a party and there aren’t leftovers for at least a week, you didn’t make enough food.
It’s enough to make you feel guilty for a year.
And if you feel guilty about something you have to talk about it, right?
In my family you have to talk about everything. And talk, and talk, and talk … until you’re so tired of talking you forgot what you were talking about.
Then you can talk about that.
My husband’s family doesn’t get the whole talking thing. Mostly they’re “just fine” with just about everything.
But how do they really feel? We’ll never know. And that’s “just fine” with them.
I, for one, have never been “just fine” about anything in my life.
I certainly wasn’t “just fine” that one year we had Thanksgiving dinner at my ex-Uncle’s house. Sure they had turkey and a killer game of Pictionary but there were no mashed potatoes.
That’s right. Thanksgiving without mashed potatoes.
Can you imagine such a thing? No wonder he’s an ex-Uncle.
Which is why my sister and I spent the latter part of that evening driving around in search of mashed potatoes. It simply wouldn’t have been Thanksgiving without them.
And when we finally found them at a Thai restaurant they were the most delicious potatoes we’d ever tasted.
Kind of like that gigantic flourless chocolate cake the year after my husband didn’t buy me a cake.
“As if I’d ever forget again,” he barked.
“See, that’s why we talked about it so much honey,” I mentioned for about the 12th time that year.
“Fine,” he said. “Just fine.”
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When Leslie is not studying the tribal customs of her in-laws, she can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on December 23, 2004.

Gifts

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Photo by Michael Schwarzenberger, Pixabay.

Photo by Michael Schwarzenberger, Pixabay.

Sometimes a simple gift you make yourself can be the best gift of all. Here are a few ideas to get those creative juices flowing.

It’s hard to go wrong with a gift you make yourself. But many people end up saying goodbye to each holiday season with a closet full of good intentions and half-finished projects. The non-Martha Stewarts among us have learned the hard way that you have to pick realistic projects.

Here are a few suggestions for gifts that are not too late to make:

Fun with Photos

Santa Barbara Scrapbooks (918 Chapala St., 962.5099) offers mini albums that can be put together easily in an evening, said manager Amy Jakubowski. They also offer premade photo calendars that you just plop your photos in, journals to decorate, handmade card kits and shadow boxes, which convert scrapbook pages into wall hangings.

Personalized Stationery

Craft Essentials (187 S. Turnpike Road, 681.3115) has a nice selection of monogrammed initial rubber stamps and blank cards and stationery. Pick your favorite style and stamp up a set of notecards. For an elegant look, you can even emboss the stamped initial with gold powder. Tie the cards together with raffia or ribbon and you’ve got a great gift.

Glogg

Susie Bigelow makes this Swedish liquor in big batches, some to keep and some to give away. In either case, it will keep you warm at night. (Per batch) simmer about four cups water in a large pot for about an hour with a few cut-up oranges, whole cloves and cinnamon sticks. Strain the mixture, then add a quart of port (or cheap red wine) 1/3-cup sugar, and brandy to taste. Heat mixture and pour over almonds and raisins. Serve warm. Bigelow gives it away in pretty jugs (either new or recycled) with the raisin and almond mixture tied to the neck in colorful saran wrap.

“A Personalized Gift

…is the best gift of all,” said Stuart Lewis, owner of 2000 Degrees (1206 State St., 882.1817). At $7 a day for adults and $4 for children, you can deck out everyone on your list with handmade ceramics such as custom drawer pulls, ornaments, mugs, plates, frames, surfboards and just about any animal you can think of. Ceramics take two to three days to fire, Lewis said, so there’s still time. Also new are mosaics, which can be taken home right away and have no studio fee associated with them.

Around the Corner

…at Art Essentials (32 E. Victoria St., 965.5456) is a wealth of craft kits to make your own alarm clocks, salt-and-pepper shakers, ceramic boxes, frames, jewelry and more. Most of these are designed for kids, so they’re easy and fast for all ages to use, said salesman Joseph Truelove.

One of the Only

…things nicer than giving a handmade card is giving someone a bunch of them, that they can be given away for occasions such as birthdays, new babies and thank yous. Michaels Arts & Crafts (183 N. Fairview Ave., 967.7119) offers everything you need to make an assortment of cards to give away, including dozens of pre-made, pre-cut kits.

Cookies Are Another

…”can’t miss” homemade gift that just about anyone will appreciate. And if you run out of time to actually make them, you can always mix up the ingredients in an attractive container and stick a bow on it for ready-made cookie mix. Red and Green M&M cookies look especially festive done this way.

Another Favorite Last-Minute gift is reindeer food for Rudolph & Co.

Mix a cup oatmeal, a cup sugar and red or green sugar crystals with glitter.

You can either put it in baggies, tied with ribbons, or if you use a jar, layer the ingredients, sand art-style, with oatmeal on the top and the bottom. Include the poem: “It’s the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone has eaten — even the mouse. You give Santa some cookies and a glass of milk, too. Don’t forget the reindeer — please give them some food. Open this bag and sprinkle outside. Hop into bed — Santa’s soon to arrive.”

Gardening Gloves

You can pick up a nice set of canvas gardening gloves at Orchard Supply Hardware (125 N. Fairview Ave. 681.1500) then use acrylic craft paint (available at any art supply or craft store) to stencil on a flowerpot, leaves, flowers, etc. You can also sponge paint the gloves and personalize them with the recipient’s name or something like, “Grandma’s Garden” or “Rosie’s Posies.”

Customized Candles

Personalize inexpensive candles from Pacific Co. (3309-A State St. near Gelson’s Market, 682.9552) with favorite quotes printed on clear mailing labels or rubber stamp images on tissue paper, and then use a heat gun to attach them to the candles. You can even combine these two techniques by attaching pretty printed tissue to the candles with the heat gun, then sticking favorite quotes and sayings over that for a collaged look. Or have children draw pictures on the tissue paper for a one-of-a-kind candle creation.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on December 16, 2004.

Annual rituals are often as important and appreciated as the season

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Photo by pxhere.com.

Photo by pxhere.com.

No matter how you celebrate this holiday season, chances are it will be remarkably similar to the way you celebrated last year. December is a time that we cling to our family traditions — even when those traditions consist of, for example, not celebrating Christmas by going to a movie and then out for Chinese food, as many Jewish families do.

While the religious observances of the season are an important part of the celebration for some, for others the holidays are more about family and the sense of connectedness that enjoying the annual rituals reinforces.

Whatever the activity — whether it’s decorating the tree with the family, lighting the menorah during Hanukkah, exchanging special gifts, preparing traditional meals, sending cards, baking cookies, clothing the homeless or hosting gatherings at your home, it becomes a tradition when it’s repeated each year.

“These traditions are the factors that help hold us together and help us identify who we are,” said sociologist Herbert Smith. “If it’s done enough, people expect it and if it’s positive enough, people want it. The key is not so much of doing anything elaborate or expensive; anything that’s done within the family that creates a sense of ‘we-ness’ is what you want to establish.”

Here’s a look at how some local families will be celebrating that “sense of we-ness” this holiday season and in the years to come.

“Spending quality time with family you wouldn’t normally get to see,” is a favorite part of the holidays for student Rollin Gartzke, a sentiment echoed by many.

Another student, Tony Tan, said he likes, “Seeing all my old relatives and just talking about life in general.”

Gift giving also plays a part in family favorites.

“Some of my favorite traditions are letting the kids open one present on Christmas Eve, playing Christmas music while we decorate the tree, and driving around to look at neighborhood Christmas lights,” said Matt Randmaa, an electrical engineer.

Dos Pueblos High student Rashad Crew said his favorite holiday tradition was “giving presents and spinning dreidels.

“Christmas breakfast is a big deal in our family, involving Chelsea rolls, grapefruit and an attempt by parents to stretch out the meal as long as possible. It has become a time-honored tradition for the kids to lobby constantly for an end to breakfast and a start of the opening of presents,” said Steve Parry, a venture capitalist.

Whether it’s Chelsea rolls or turkey, tamales or latkes, food definitely plays a big role in South Coast holiday celebrations.

“Eating latkes, spinning the dreidel and making pictures of cool holiday things,” are some of 10th-grader Emily Solomon’s favorite traditions.

“Eating latkes and opening presents” also got a vote from 10th-grader Ariel Horwitz.

“Each year, my extended family, despite having not the slightest bit of Mexican ancestry, has tamales with rice, beans and salsa for Christmas dinner. How this came about, I do not know; someone just decided that having tamales each year would be a novel idea,” said Grant Smith, a Cate School sophomore.

“Also, every year since I can remember, my family put up a quilted Advent calendar with Velcro pieces on the first of each December. Until about two years ago, my sister and I would argue every morning over who would get to put up the day’s piece, which I suppose is a tradition in itself,” said Smith, who added, “I’ve since let go and allow her to put all of the pieces up.”

“Some of my favorite holiday traditions are everyone going to the local elementary school to play baseball, football and handball while the Christmas feast is cooking, and baking Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve day then having the family over that night to eat them … The kids put out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer then go online to norad.com to see where Santa is located,” said Kathy Randmaa, an attorney.

“I like going up to the mountains after Christmas and having another big celebration there and playing in the snow. I also like driving around looking at Christmas lights,” said Randmaa’s third-grade son, Kurtis.

Indeed our childhood memories often become more vivid at Christmas.

“The holiday tradition I remember as a child was going to my grandfather’s house on Christmas Day. There were seven granddaughters and he always bought us identical dolls and had a dressmaker make three or four outfits for these dolls, said Diane Freeman, a nurse.

“Grandfather had a hard time changing this habit and the last doll I got from him was in my senior year in high school when he gave us all three-foot tall dolls that would walk with you if you held her hand,” Freeman said.

“I grew up in a Jewish home, so we celebrated Hanukkah when I was small,” said Daniel T. Colbert, a venture capitalist. “We did the usual things — lighting of the candles each night. While I was small, we received presents each of the eight nights! In those years, we felt luckier than our Christian friends! As an adult with my own family, we would always walk the neighborhood in the evening near Christmas, to see the lights on all the houses.”

Just think, as you admire the lights in your own neighborhood this year, inside they could be celebrating the holidays with traditions like some of these.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on December 16, 2004.

Memory Post brings Memorials to the Digital Age

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With the spirits of Mr. Rogers, Bob Hope and Aunt Sevelta on its development team, its no wonder that Goleta-based Memorypost.com is on a roll. Launched in January 2003, the Internet service to celebrate life events has already been featured on national television and has users from all over the world.

The project started three years ago when his Great Aunt Sevelta passed away, said Tosh Bulger, who runs the site along with wife Monica and web designer Safa Scott. Sevelta’s funeral excluded a lot of the family, so he “decided to make a website where people could go and leave stories.”

The site caught on with family members, with about 30 people posting stories about Sevelta. Inspiration struck when one of Tosh’s cousins told him “This isn’t just for our family; everybody could use it.”

The Bulgers had already collaborated on a consulting company, Santa Barbara Techworks, when inspiration struck for Memorypost.com. “We heard that the only thing making money on the Internet was porn,” Monica said. “We wanted to do something positive and profitable.” They self-funded the enterprise with an inheritance from Sevelta, working other jobs and going to grad school at UCSB at the same time. “Most of the work actually took place between 6 and 2 a.m.,” Tosh said.

The site is designed primarily for broadband users. “We built it for the future, ” he said. Although with digital camera sales eclipsing that of analog film-based cameras in market share and dollar value, according to Business Week, the future is gaining ground pretty quickly.

“What we are is an online scrapbook … we started with memorials, but now its really a family website,” Monica said.

The interface is simple, offering a collaborative site to share photos, stories, create personal home pages, a guest book and more. The first Memorypost.com guest invites his family and friends to view the site, add photos and stories and so on, all for free. It’s also free to the original user for the first 90 days, with optional upgrades that include adding additional images (the first 25 are free) and special projects like adding audio and video.

The Bulgers have become experts in guerrilla marketing. For example, when Mr. Rogers died, they created a Memorypost for him and paid for the site to come up first on search engines. They had people from all over the world visit the site to pay tribute.

“It seems to be almost cathartic,” said Tosh. “A lot of times in the memorial they write directly to the person,” said Monica. They did a similar memorial site for Bob Hope, again garnering worldwide attention from both individuals and the media.

This is more than just a commercial enterprise for the Bulgers. “Our goal is to connect people,” said Monica. In addition to the memorials, popular subjects for sites are family reunions, destination weddings and, of course, new babies. “We’ll have fathers rush to post pictures, literally minutes after their baby is born,” smiled Monica. “It’s so cute. They’re so proud.”

Surely Aunt Sevelta is looking on with pride somewhere as well.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on December 12, 2004.

Building blocks of Hanukkah tradition

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Lego Menorah by Elijah, flickr.com.

Lego Menorah by Elijah, flickr.com.

Santa Barbara’s Hanukkah festivities began a new way Tuesday night, when many families gathered at La Cumbre Plaza to build a six-foot-tall menorah out of Legos.

Young and old alike had a great time celebrating by lighting the candles for the first night of Hanukkah, playing the dreidel game to earn chocolate coins or gelt, and eating traditional foods like latkes and doughnuts.

Both latkes (potato pancakes) and doughnuts are eaten on Hanukkah because they are fried in oil, which symbolizes the miracle of the oil found in a lamp in a decimated temple. It seemed to be only enough to burn for one night yet, miraculously, it burned for eight days. This is why the menorah is lighted for eight nights and Hanukkah is also known as the Festival of Lights.

Throughout the eight-day holiday, families play the dreidel game and eat traditional foods. Most families also exchange gifts, although in some families, only the children receive presents.

“We celebrate Hanukkah by lighting the candles each night, singing the traditional songs and reading books. Of course, there is always a little gift attached to the celebration. Mostly, it is just being together and enjoying this very festive holiday,” said Shaunah Smith.

With so many mixed marriages, many families create their own, modified versions of the Hanukkah celebration.

Tisha Levy was raised a Catholic, but her husband is Jewish and they are raising their two sons to be Jewish. When Hanukkah comes around she decorates her entire house in blue and white, including a tree with only Hanukkah ornaments. “We have this Merry Hanukkah Troll doll on the top,” she laughed.

Her sister also made her a stunning silver wreath with blue glass dreidels and Jewish stars, which decorates her front door each December.

Like most families, every night the Levys light the candles and say the Hanukkah prayers. “It’s really interesting to try to teach the kids not to blow out the candles (like birthday candles),” she said. She also reads Hanukkah books to her sons, like “My Merry Hanukkah” and “Jalapeño Bagel.”

Other popular children’s titles include “A Confused Hanukkah;” “Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah;” “Spin the Dreidel;” and “Papa’s Latkes.”

Levy noted there actually are some positive aspects to Hanukkah becoming a more commercial holiday. “My mother-in-law told me when her kids were growing up it was really hard-to-find Hanukkah wrapping paper and toys and books and stuff,” she said.

That’s certainly not the case anymore.

To join in the Hanukkah celebration and learn more about the traditions, why not participate in some of these free, upcoming events:

Erev Shabbat/Hanukkah with the Congregation B’nail B’rith Band Friday, 7- 8:15 p.m.; Congregation B’nai B’rith, 1000 San Antonio Creek Road; 964.7869 x16.

Hanukkah Children’s Book Reading Sunday, 10-11:30 a.m.; Borders, 7000 Marketplace Drive; 683.1544.

Family Hanukkah Celebration and Concert featuring storyteller Michael Katz Sunday, 4-5:30 p.m.; Congregation B’nai B’rith, 1000 San Antonio Creek Road; 964.7869 x16.

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Rolling the Dreidel

Playing the dreidel game is a lot of fun for children of all ages. The four letters that appear on the four corners of a dreidel allude to the miracle of Hanukkah. They spell out Nes (N-miracle), Gimel (G-great), Hay (H-happened) and Shin (S-there, meaning in Israel).

To begin the game, each player should have about 20 items (chocolate coins, or gelt, peppermint candies, chips, etc.).

Each person puts one piece of candy in the middle of the table. Then each person takes a turn at spinning the dreidel. The Hebrew letter on each side of the dreidel tell you what to do:

= If you roll a Nun you neither pay nor gain anything.

= If you roll a Gimel you win everything.

= If you roll a Hay you win half.

= If you roll a Shin you lose everything.

When only one piece of candy or no candy is left in the middle each player adds another piece of candy. When a player has all the candy, that person wins!

To play online visit www1.sbchabad.org/holidays/chanukah/Games/dreidel/default.asp

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on December 9, 2004.

Coalition gets creative with commerce

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Alliance recasts creativity in terms of economic, educational opportunities

About 40 local creative professionals, including key players from the business, political and nonprofit communities, gathered recently to kick off a fundraising and awareness-raising campaign for the Alliance for Creative Commerce. The alliance is working to change the focus of the local economy to develop educational and economic opportunities based on creativity, communications and commerce.

“We want to change the economic basis for this region to rely on what comes out people’s heads instead of what comes out of the ground,” said Patrick Gregston, executive director of the alliance, explaining that much of the group’s philosophy comes from a book called The Rise of the Creative Class, by Richard Florida.

“Our vision is to take this creative class, which we can say encompasses virtually all of the people that do academic research, all the people that write, all the people that do graphics … and how do we generate that as a synergy that will make more of this business,” Gregston said.

One of the things the alliance would like to do is brand Santa Barbara as an area known for creativity, art and ideas, similar to Santa Fe, N.M., where people travel specifically to enjoy the vibrant art scene and culture of the area.

Another goal of the group is to create a strong enough network within the community to allow the people who commute to Los Angeles and elsewhere for jobs in the entertainment industry to work here.

One of the group’s first tasks will be to conduct a survey to discover the scope and economic impact of the creative community and establish a database of members, said Mark Sylvester, owner of Mixed Grill.

The creative commerce sector, according to the alliance, would come not just from traditional arts and entertainment, but also from other creative enterprises such as fashion, graphics, music, software, telephony and academic research.

With a fund-raising goal of $250,000 for the year, the money would enable the alliance to hire Gregston, currently a volunteer, as a full-time employee as well as to hold a brainstorming summit with members of the creative community. Right now the alliance is primarily supported by partnerships with the city and county of Santa Barbara, UCSB, SBCC and a few local businesses.

Membership costs $50 per year and includes regular networking mixers. The next one is scheduled from 5 to 7 p.m. Wednesday at Restaurant Nu, 1129 State St. It is free to members and $10 for nonmembers. For more information, visit www.thealliance.us or email info@thealliance.us.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Cottage pushes for chance to spring into action

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Pending environmental review, hospital renovation could start in a few months

Warning a project delay will ultimately cost the community more money and may threaten health-care services, Cottage Health System officials last week pushed the city Planning Commission to move quickly to approve a new, $407 million regional hospital.

The rebuilding program, due to begin in 2005 with completion by 2012, involves replacing the existing hospital, to meet new seismic standards. It also includes the construction of three nursing pavilions, a new entrance at Castillo and Pueblo streets, and a diagnostic and therapeutic wing on the Junipero Street side of the complex.

Cottage plans to use a combination of hospital reserves, a tax-exempt bond issue, foundation assets, and a major community fund-raising effort to pay for the project, but will not rely on tax dollars.

Construction could begin in the spring, but first it must get past an environmental review, the first phase of which was heard Dec. 2.

About 70 people attended the meeting but many left early as the discussion stretched to nearly five hours. It was clear there was strong support for the state-of-the-art hospital but also many concerns about the effects on the surrounding neighborhood. Speakers expressed concerns about construction, traffic and environmental impacts.

“Given that the purpose of the hospital is to improve our community’s health and given that Santa Barbara is often a front-runner in implementing proactive environmental practices that often exceed the requirements of law, the redesign of Cottage Hospital should be viewed as an opportunity to implement the best possible protections of health and environment,” said Kira Schmidt, executive director of Santa Barbara Channelkeeper.

Her sentiments were echoed by representatives from the Citizen’s Planning Association and Heal the Ocean, both of whom also suggested a closer look at the sewage system and possible development of a sewage treatment plant for the hospital.

This was the first public meeting in which the project’s draft environmental impact report was discussed. Public comment ends Dec. 15 and the matter must return to the commission for final approval early next year.

For a copy of the report visit www.santabarbaraca.gov/Resident/Community/Planning/cottage.htm. Comments may be sent to Irma Unzueta, the project planner for the city, via e-mail to iunzueta@SantaBarbaraCA.gov or P.O. Box 1990, Santa Barbara 93102.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on December 9, 2004.

Hope principals set goals high

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Students aren’t the only ones that have to make the grade to be successful. Last week principals from the three Hope District schools presented their goals and plans to the Board of Trustees.

One of the themes that resonated throughout all of the presentations was the desire, as Monte Vista principal Judy Stettler put it, “to better address the individual needs of each child by challenging all students while meeting the academic needs of the high, average and low achievers and also teaching and valuing the whole child through the cultural arts, technology and health and fitness.”

That includes addressing the special needs of English learners, students with disabilities, those who are economically challenged, as well as GATE (gifted and talented education) students.

“It’s really a mandate that comes out of our data. It has to do with making sure that we are able to fulfill the performance goals for our significant subgroups,” said Vieja Valley principal Barbara LaCorte, who is working with staff to create a new model for the school’s GATE program.

To develop and promote moral and character education is another priority for the schools. While both Vieja Valley and Monte Vista plan to address concerns about bullying on campus this year, Hope School principal Patrick Plamondon said, “I don’t feel we have a bullying problem. I attribute a lot of behavior on the playground to the Character Counts program.”

Plamondon also said Hope School has a school-wide commitment to “every child a reader,” a program he attributed in part to librarian Mary Jo Chrestenson. “We have more volumes at Hope Library than at La Colina Junior High School,” he said.

All three principals praised their teaching staffs and gave kudos to parents for being involved in the schools both in terms of working in the classrooms and helping to fund many of the enrichment programs.

These presentations are part of a comprehensive process to better inform the Trustees and the community about each school’s yearly progress and goals, said Board President Joseph Liebman. The next board meeting will be on Monday at 7 p.m. in the Hope District Board Room, 3970 La Colina Road.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on December 2, 2004.

Judy, Judy, Judy

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Are you there God? It’s me Leslie (or Andrea, or Susie or Jacqueline …).

I’d venture to guess there’s hardly a woman out there, who was once a 12-year-old girl, who hasn’t poured over Are you there God? It’s me Margaret and at least considered trying out the exercises that Margaret and her friends attempted with, “we must, we must, we must increase our bust.”

With more than 75 million books sold and translated into 20 different languages, nobody speaks “girl” better than Judy Blume, which is why diehard fans, myself included, cheered last week when she received the National Book Foundation’s Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters.

This is one highfalutin award, normally given to those who grace the literature section at Borders. People like Arthur Miller, Toni Morrison, John Updike and Eudora Welty, not exactly the company that Blume usually keeps.

For those men out there who grew up under a rock or never had a sister, Judy Blume is to 12-year-old girls as the Three Stooges are to 12-year-old … well really all … guys. Sorry, but it’s a fact of life that girls mature faster and they stay that way, thanks in part to all of the advice we’ve received over the years from people like Blume, Helen Gurley Brown, and, of course, Marsha Brady.

Blume is real treasure to those of us who grew up as girls. She writes frankly about the lives of kids and particularly girls, going through puberty, which Blume calls “the great equalizer.”

Training bras, menstruation, first kisses, zits, bratty little brothers — her books are the real classics. Unlike the books that are better to have read than to actually read, (the ones you suffer through to pass an English test or to not be ostracized out of future cocktail party conversations), from Blume you learn important stuff, like “all boys of 14 are disgusting — They’re only interested in two things — pictures of naked girls and dirty books,” and “If you ask me, being a teenager is pretty rotten — between pimples and worry about how you smell!”

See, she gets us!

Which is why I’m so happy that the National Book Foundation finally gets her.

Judy Blume was the big sister I’ve always wished I had. How cool would it be if I could come home after school and ask Judy to help with all the big decisions of life?

As a fourth grader at Harding School, when I was freakishly tall and forever trying to fit in, Judy could have told me: “It’s very foolish to laugh if you don’t know what’s funny in the first place.” (Blubber) And later that year, when I discovered boys weren’t so bad after all, if only she could have told me, “I don’t believe in cooties anymore.” (Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing)

Even as a sophomore at San Marcos, when I finally figured out the difference between a real friend and someone you hang out with, it would have been nice to have Blume there to reinforce it with, “You know at first I wanted you to like me, but now I really don’t care if you do or you don’t.” (As Long as We’re Together)

Or when contemplating a major at UCLA. “It’s important to experiment, so when the time comes you’re all ready.” (Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret)

Okay, so Margaret and her friend were talking about practicing kissing on a pillow, but really it applies to a lot of things, not just kissing.

If only I had Blume there when my little sister bugged me incessantly and my parents drove me crazy, she would have understood just how I felt.

If only Judy were there to help me, the knowing voice of another girl who had actually survived growing up.

Huh … I guess she was there for me after all.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on November 25, 2004.

An Incredibles imagination

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Our Leslie Dinaberg sure gets animated when it comes to fantasizing about superpowers

Ah, to be a super. Is it too much to fantasize about? For the five of you who weren’t at the Metro Theatre last weekend, The Incredibles follows the adventures of a family of former superheroes trying to fit in with the rest of the world by not using their powers. Until one day ….

6:33 a.m.: my alarm goes off. Aargh! Time for my daily dilemma, do I hit the snooze button or hit the gym? A light bulb illuminates above my pillow. With a few superwoman stretches, I am finally the right height for my weight. I can skip the gym and snooze a little bit longer. If only my feet weren’t hanging off the bed.

6:47 a.m.: I hit the snooze again. Now that I’m a superwoman, I can simply jump into my closet/phone booth and jump out perfectly coifed and ready for work. Ka-sweet!

6:49 a.m.: I don’t like this outfit. Sha-hooey! Wrong color. Sha-bizzle! Does my super butt look big? Sha-Channel! Ahh, perfect!

7:32 a.m.: wake up son for school. Use my mind control powers to convince him that he wants Wheat Germ instead of Cocoa Puffs for breakfast. Sha-psyche!

8:03 a.m.: driving to school, it looks a little cloudy. Mmmpf! I send those clouds away with a flick of my fingers, and then teleport that suburban right out of my favorite parking spot at Vieja Valley.

10:45 a.m.: I’ve already completed all my interviews for three stories. It’s amazing the quotes you get when you can read people’s minds. I always thought Marty Blum liked kittens. Meow!

11:37 a.m.: the construction next door to the office is driving me crazy. Yaarg! I use my x-ray vision to see what’s going on. They’re moving way too slowly on the new Walter Claudio spa. I use my mind control ability to convince them to work nights from now on and to give me free facials forever for this cheap plug. Ka-score!

1:15 p.m.: on my way to an interview, a silver Porsche cuts me off to get out of the “exit only” lane of the 101 at Milpas. His mid-life crisis in not my problem. Kapow! He’s got a flat tire.

1:53 p.m.: I’ve only got 45 minutes till my next appointment and my stomach’s growling. Sha-gurgle! I decide to fly over to La Superica and make the line disappear till I’ve got my lunch.

2:17: p.m.: on my way back to the office I fly by Ortega Park. A small child chases a ball onto the street. Mom is nowhere to be found, and the oncoming car doesn’t see the kid. Yowza! I stretch my arms extra long to bring child and ball back to safety. No need to thank me, it’s all in a day’s work. Now I have to write a story about myself.

3:09 p.m.: my meeting is dragging. Zzzz! I go invisible and leave for a while to run some errands. A lady with 14 items in the “10 items or less” line at Vons. Shazam! Learn to count next time! When she gets out to her car a bird will have just done his business on the windshield.

4:30 p.m.: I’ve got one hour to write my story, return seven phone calls and read 57 emails. The phone rings and its my husband reminding me about soccer practice. Holy AYSO Batman! As I calculate ways that my superpowers can help me out of this situation, I spy an ad for The Polar Express, where Tom Hanks plays six different characters in the same movie. Since I only need to do four things simultaneously — write, read, call and kick — my fifth persona goes to see the movie and the sixth one goes home to make dinner.

Me? Make dinner? Rats, I’ve gone too far. Clearly, it was all a fantasy.

Mild-mannered Leslie Dinaberg possesses superhero powers as a wife, mom and reporter. If you’re in trouble, contact her at email

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on November 18, 2004.