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Treat Your Children Well

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A Look at Some of the Nonprofits Serving Children

What could be a more universal cause than striving to give children a brighter tomorrow and a more fulfilling future? Literally hundreds of opportunities exist to give back to children in the community. Unfortunately, we can’t include them all. Here’s a look at just a few of the many organizations working to on behalf of children’s issues and the solutions to their problems in the areas of at-risk youth; education; arts; and medical, emotional and physical health and safety.

Family Service Agency is Santa Barbara County’s first and oldest non-profit human service agency, offering several programs, including Healthy Start, which connects at-risk families with existing community resources; the Family Build Project, which addresses the needs of families living in government subsidized housing; and a variety of counseling and child guidance programs.

Another veteran organization offering a variety of services to at-risk children and others is the United Boys and Girls Clubs. It has been working with young people in town since 1945, and now has four clubhouses that offer day care, summer camps, and a plethora of programs including sports, art, academics and leadership development. While the organization once emphasized servicing children from disadvantaged backgrounds, “today we’re open to everyone, because all children are at risk,” says Executive Director Sal Rodriguez.

Also serving both at-risk youth and the wider community is the Police Activity League (PAL), which offers opportunities for instruction in art, digital editing, hip hop dance, martial arts, and basketball, as well as a tutoring center and a teen youth leadership council that are open to all children. PAL also has a Campership Alliance Program that collaborates with a number of organizations–including the City of Santa Barbara Parks & Recreation Department, United Boys & Girls Clubs, Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History, Santa Barbara YMCA, Santa Barbara Zoo, Refugio Junior Lifeguard Program, Elings Park Camps and Money Camp for Kids –to provide summer camp scholarships.

Endowment for Youth Committee is another broad-reaching organization, which provides a wide variety of educational, social, cultural and recreational achievement programs for children, with a special emphasis on assisting African American, Native American and Latino youth.

Girls Inc. also offers an expansive array of programs, but with an all-girl atmosphere that emphasizes learning to resist gender stereotypes and encouraging girls to take risks, acquire skills, gain confidence, become self-reliant, and practice leadership. Girls are also front and center for Affirm, another program that works only with girls, in this case focusing on empowerment, education, and identity for teenagers that are in the juvenile correction system.

Kids in trouble are also the focus for Noah’s Anchorage, operated by the YMCA. The group provides a Youth Crisis Shelter, which is the only program in Santa Barbara County that offers year-round 24-hour access to counseling, shelter, referrals, food and clothing for runaways, homeless youth and youth in crisis.

The Big Brothers Big Sisters program, run by Family Service Agency, also targets at risk youth, matching them up with adult mentors who provide positive role models and a one-on-one relationship. Another mentorship-based program is the Wilderness Youth Project, which offers after school, weekend and summer programs that utilize “nature-based mentoring,” where being out in nature facilitates crucial life lessons and connection with the natural world.

Working on the health and wellness front is CALM (Child Abuse Listening and Mediation), which acts to prevent child abuse from occurring and offers professional treatment for the entire family when abuse does occur. CALM works closely with police, the district attorney, child protective services and medical personnel to investigate alleged abuse in a supportive and child-friendly fashion.

The Teddy Bear Cancer Foundation is another organization that works with entire families, endeavoring to ensure that children with cancer receive the undivided comfort of their parents during the treatment and recovery process. Teddy Bear provides financial aid for rent, mortgage, utilities, and car payments, as well as other supportive services, thereby allowing families to focus on their children. “Teddy Bear is unique in that it adapts to each family’s distinct needs. We don’t provide just one service–we do whatever’s needed to help,” said Founder/Executive Director Nikki Katz.

On the education front, the Children’s Project is focused on developing an innovative boarding school and college preparatory academy for foster children and selected youth with mental health or delinquency issues. “People often ask me, ‘Why foster children? So many kids need help.’ While that is true, there is one big difference that separates foster youth from others in need. That is that we not only have a moral obligation to help them…we have a legal obligation. …The moment the judge removes the child from a parent’s care, WE become the parents to that child. We, as the community, step into that role. And I am convinced we can do a better job,” says Founder and CEO Wendy Read.

Another education nonprofit, the Computers for Families program, seeks to eliminate the negative consequences of the Digital Divide by providing students from low-income families with refurbished computers, Internet access and training. Thanks to this innovative program, Santa Barbara will be the first community in the United States to ensure that every child from a low-income family, beginning in the fourth grade, has a computer with Internet access.

For more than 43 years, the Scholarship Foundation of Santa Barbara has helped local students pay for their higher education, giving out more than $7 million in student aid for the last school year.

Emphasizing the arts is Art Walk for Kids, an outreach program that focuses on benefiting special needs, developmentally disabled, at risk, terminally ill youth and adults in their positive environments through a specialized curriculum of art and vocational education. Art Walk projects have benefited a diverse group of nonprofits, including the United Nations, Summit for Danny, United Way, the Red Cross, Sarah House, the Santa Barbara Symphony, the Lobero Theatre, I Madonnari, the Multi-Cultural Dance and Music Festival, Vieja Valley School, Santa Barbara County Juvenile Hall, El Puente School, and Hillside House, among others. Its latest collaboration is with the Patricia Henley Foundation, a new nonprofit that offers unique, free opportunities for students to learn all aspects of theatre arts production and develop their creative talents.

The Family Therapy Institute’s Academy of Healing Arts for Teens (AHA!) also incorporates creative expression into its programs, which emphasize the development of character, imagination, emotional intelligence, and social conscience in teenagers, and helps them learn to set goals, stop bullying and hatred, support their peers, and serve their community.

These excellent organizations are but a small percentage of all of the nonprofits serving children in Santa Barbara. For a more comprehensive list visit the Family Service Agency referral service at www.211sbcounty.org/.

Originally published in Santa Barbara Magazine

Everything I Know About Motherhood So Far

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© Pkruger | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

My son turns eight next week, and since it looks like I won’t be having another child to practice on, I won’t be needing a lot of these hard-earned lessons for my next kid. Therefore, I give them to you, gentle reader.

1. Forget all of those gender-neutral parenting plans you had. Once the epidural wears off, reality kicks in. Nature, schmature, nurture, schmurture. You have joined the MOB. You’re the Mother of a Boy and there’s no turning back. The fart jokes will start in about ten minutes, and eight years later you’ll still be holding your breath.

2. Your child will never appreciate those first few years you spent sleepless, showerless, and adult-conversationless. In fact, he may even laugh loudly at a picture of what you looked like back in those days. If you get a chance for some time to yourself, run, as fast as you can. Sure your one-year-old may whine a bit and your two-year-old may throw a tantrum as you leave, but your seven-year-old will never know the difference.

3. All history happens to a kid, “when I was three.” “I had a really bad dream when I was three, that’s why I can’t go to sleep until midnight, mom.” “When I was three you slammed my finger in the car door.” “I heard you say a bad word when I was three.” Whatever the memory, it happened “when I was three.”

4. The only scientifically documented thing that actually happens at age three is kids become obsessed with their feet. Never accept food of any kind from a three-year-old.

5. Four-year-old boys can get a bit emotional when you deny them things. Here’s my favorite tip: You can say “maybe” and mean “no.” “Maybe” buys you time. “Maybe” helps you avoid tantrums in public places. “Maybe” gives your child a teensy tiny bit of hope he can hang on to for a little while, and he just might forget about what he wanted in the first place. This works with husbands as well as kids.

6. When you figure out how to explain to a five-year-old that some people get pretty offended when you take a certain someone’s name in vain, please, please, please help me explain it to my son. Meanwhile, if you know a way to avoid cussing when you spill a piping hot latte all over your new Coach purse, could you also let me know?

7. I know we haven’t had a rainy day in a long time, but when Koss was five, it rained a lot. Santa Barbara is not a rainy day friendly town–I’m surprised the bowling alley isn’t outdoors. When you coop up 48 pounds of five-year-old boy energy inside a teeny tiny house for too long, something’s got to give–your sanity. My suggestion is to hook him up to an electricity generating treadmill. Viola, no more global warming.

8. Six-year-old boys turn into lawyers–everything is a negotiation or a stall tactic, and you have no choice but to develop your own legal skills. For example, after the 13th time you tell him to brush his teeth/finish his homework/put out the recycling/tar the roof, he’ll finally look up from his whatever game he’s into that week and say, “chill, mom.” This is what’s known as stalling. Forcibly take the game from him and turn it off. Tell him he’ll get it back after he brushes his teeth/finishes his homework/puts out the recycling/tars the roof, etc. This is what’s known as a negotiation.

9. Seven-year-olds can chatter incessantly about mythical creatures and who would beat who in a fight — seriously, my kid can go at least 10 minutes without taking a breath. The trick is to nod your head and think about George Clooney. When your son finally stops talking, answer, with a straight face, “I think the second one is more powerful.” Works every time.

10. If he says he’s “gotta go,” he’s gotta go. And even if he says he doesn’t, make him pee anyway before you leave the house. If he’s two, your best friend’s new hardwood floors will thank you. If he’s seven, his baseball coach will thank you.

11. Seven-year-olds can do a lot of things for themselves, but they need very specific directions. Don’t say, “get a snack” unless you’re OK with him snacking on leftover Halloween candy. And if you let him snack on the fruity-chewy-gooey-not-worth-the- calories-candy, remember, you won’t be able to use it in his birthday piñata in July.

12. Never, under any circumstances, even if you have to push him away from the scale at Weight Watchers, let your child see how much you weigh. Show him your tax returns if you need to distract him.

13. Male Answer Syndrome kicks in early. If you want to know anything about anything, ask your seven-year-old son.

14. Keep in mind; sarcasm is a sign of wit, intelligence, and cleverness…until your kids use it.

Share your parenting lessons with Leslie at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on May 9, 2008.

Lucky Me

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© Zangfubin | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

It’s Friday the 13th

The rest of you might be knocking on wood or throwing salt over your shoulders, but today is my lucky day.

That’s right. Friday the 13th is upon us, and I figure if you’re going to believe in superstitions, you may as well believe that good luck is just as likely to be around the corner as the curse of a black cat.

Though most people scoff when accused of being superstitious and insist they’re too mature to believe in such hooey, you don’t catch a lot of people purposely walking under ladders, and people don’t really seem to be considering that those rabbit’s feet key chains didn’t bring much luck to the poor bunnies that owned them, unless of course you count being eligible for disability.

Bunny scam–I smell a Pulitzer.

Friday the 13th is one of those days that cues the Twilight Zone music for me, but in more of an “Ooh, this could be the day I win the lottery” way, rather than an “Uh oh, the crows are swarming above my head” kind of way.

Although, Alfred Hitchcock was born on Friday the 13th, so if you see the birds swarming it’s probably just a lucky homage. Besides, crows love Hitchcock. If it weren’t for the residuals from The Birds, they’d have to sell their feet or something.

While I may be in the minority, apparently I’m not alone in thinking that today just might be my lucky day. In China and much of Asia, Friday the 13th is considered a fortunate date, and in Australia, lottery agents reportedly sell 50 percent more tickets than average on these lucky Fridays.

I thought I’d give Friday the 13th a warm and fuzzy name like Timmy, Barney, or Snuffleupagus, so that more people would realize that this is actually a lucky day. Unfortunately, thanks to the wonders of phobia.com, I found out that there’s already a name for this superstition: Pararkevidekatriaphobia. It’s a combination of three Greek words–Paraskevi means “Friday,” Dekatria means “Thirteen,” and Phobia means “Fear.”

Just trying to pronounce Pararkevidekatriaphobia brings out my fears…parasailing, parasites, the paranormal. Talk about paranoid! Friday the 13th has nothing on phobia pronunciations.

Yet even engineers and architects struggle to soothe our superstitions. Skyscrapers and hotels have no 13th floor; airplanes have no 13th aisle. I say bring on the 13th row. I’d be happy to have the extra legroom.

It’s estimated that $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day because people will not fly or do business they would normally do. The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute (Wouldn’t that be a fun place to work?) estimates that more than 17 million people are affected by a fear of this day.

In fact, some people are so paralyzed by fear that they are simply unable to get out of bed when Friday the 13th rolls around. Yes! No traffic!

Still feeling a little superstitious? After you’ve adorned yourself with garlic and walked around the house 13 times to ward off evil spirits, you might want to get rid of those unlucky one dollar bills by sending them to me. Take a look: there are 13 steps on the pyramid, 13 Latin letters above it, 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 feathers in each of the Eagle’s wings, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 arrows, and 13 bars on the shield.

I bet you can’t wait to get rid of those unlucky dollars this Friday. Happy Snuffleupagus. I told you this was my lucky day.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on July 13, 2007

Raise Your Hand for Right Hand Rings

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© Evaletova | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Your left hand says “we,” your right hand says “me,” according to a recent ad campaign sponsored by the Diamond Trading Company, the world’s leading diamond sales and marketing company. The “women of the world raise your right hand” campaign encourages modern women to buy themselves the diamonds they deserve. According to local jewelers, many of them already are.

“Absolutely, right hand rings are certainly something a lot of women are looking at,” said Scott Harwin, sales associate for Bryant and Sons. “That left hand is kind of reserved for the engagement ring, so that right hand is open.”

“People buy right hand rings all the time for different reasons,” said Laura Givertz Gibbings, owner of Fibula Daniel Gibbings Jewelry. Gibbings said that about 80 percent of her customers are women buying for themselves, while Harwin estimated his sales to be about evenly split between gifts and purchases for self.

“Typically women will buy more of wider band to compliment what they are buying (on the left hand). People tend to put more color on the right hand as well,” said Gibbings.

Her customers do collect rings, “a lot of them,” along with necklaces, bracelets, and ensembles. “Generally they want to get a whole set and they tend to buy in color coordinates.” Emeralds and pink sapphires are very popular, as are golden colors.

Women are buying just about everything, from watches to diamond stud sets to three stone pendants, said Bryant.

In addition to the ad campaign, celebrities are also driving the right hand ring craze. Cynthia Nixon, Debra Messing, Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Garner, Joan Rivers, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Mary Louise Parker, and Sarah Jessica Parker sported right hand bling at the Golden Globes, while music divas Beyonce, Queen Latifah, Madonna, Ashanti, Sharon Osbourne, Patti LaBelle, Faith Hill and Mary J. Blige were among those “raising their right hand” with diamonds at the Grammy’s.

Jewelry trends follow the award shows, according to Gibbings. “Chandelier earrings were very popular (after last year’s Academy Awards show) and Indian jewelry.” She expects this weekend’s Oscars to set some new trends.

“Platinum is not as strong right now. Besides the fact that it’s gotten incredibly expensive, things are just swinging toward a little bit more dramatic statements in jewelry. … And I think people are tending to be more sentimental about their jewelry purchases,” Gibbings said.

Women of the world, raise your right hand.

Why a right hand ring? You’ve earned it!

Your Left Hand Feeds the Family

Your Right Hand Takes the Cake

Your Left Hand Knows the Limits

Your Right Hand Knows no Boundaries

Your Left Hand Holds the Keys

Your Right Hand Drives the Car

Your Left Hand Weeds the Garden

Your Right Hand Picks the Flowers

Treat yourself… you’ve earned it!
– From a generousgems.com advertisement for right hand rings

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

A Long Way Baby

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You’ve come a long way, baby … but you’ve still got a long way to go

“I’ve often thought there is nothing that makes a man a feminist faster than becoming the father of a daughter.” — Peggy Orenstein

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© Amysuem | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Title IX had its 35th birthday last week. It’s hard to believe that the statute designed to level the playing field by banning sex discrimination in federally funded education programs is now officially middle-aged. From my over 40 vantage point, 35 doesn’t seem even close to middle middle-aged, but that’s another subject for another column.

What I want to talk about today is women in sports, and the maddening fact that despite the past 35 years of progress we’ve made, it was three little words from a radio talk show host that got the most attention for female athletes this year.

The statute itself is only 37 words long, but those three words Don Imus spewed about the Rutgers women’s basketball team managed to generate a lot more ink than the fivefold increase in the number of women participating in intercollegiate athletics today; and the tenfold increase in the number of young women competing in high school sports.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to join the dogpile on Imus. I think he should be free to say whatever idiotic thing he wants–with the exception of yelling “fire” in a crowded room–just as we should be free to throw tomatoes and boycott anyone who advertises on his show.

But here’s the point: without Title IX, it’s doubtful that the Rutgers women’s team would have even had the opportunity to play basketball, let alone make international headlines.

When I was a kid, I remember being mesmerized by Billie Jean King‘s trouncing of Bobby Riggs in “The Battle of the Sexes.” At the time I thought it was just another example of the “Girls Rule, Boys Drool” battle we played on the playground. I had no idea that part of King’s motivation was to inspire the enforcement of the law.

She recently said, “I wanted Title IX to succeed so badly. I was trying to change the hearts and minds of the people about it. This had nothing to do with tennis; it was about social change.”

To a large degree, it’s working. A poll by the National Women’s Law Center shows overwhelming support–with 82 percent in favor of preserving Title IX and 88 percent in favor of girls or their parents utilizing Title IX to legally challenge disparities of treatment of boys and girls.

But the battle for equality has still not been won. “In 2002, women made up 54 percent of college students, but they only comprised 43 percent of college athletes. Meanwhile, men received 36 percent more athletic scholarships than women. Women also receive only 20 percent of computer science and engineering-related technology bachelor’s degrees, and only 39 percent of all full professors at colleges and universities are women,” said Representative Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) in a statement celebrating Title IX.

At the same time, as the mother or a boy — Really? Only 46 percent of college students are men? Maybe my kid’s going to need that athletic scholarship. Although, after watching him barely hold his own during the Fourth of July WWF smackdown with Dr. B’s daughter, I’m not holding my breath. He would have been fine if the other Dr. B’s daughter hadn’t leapt in and put him in an illegal choke hold, the nappy headed… Oh! Sorry. Carried away. Well, he’s good at math and science. Maybe that will carry him.

Besides, it’s not just about scholarship opportunities; it’s also about access to competition, an essential piece of being in the work force, and succeeding in life. By now, research has established beyond doubt that girls who participate in sports have higher self-esteem, lower drug-abuse and pregnancy rates and better odds of attaining a college degree. Then there are the intangibles: lessons in teamwork, winning and losing gracefully, and rebounding from failure.

Girls today assume they have a right to athletic opportunities–even girls who cheat at wrestling just to humiliate my child. Let’s make sure to keep working so that those playing fields are truly level.

Inspired by the women at Wimbledon, and despite her middle-aged knees, Leslie recently dusted off her tennis racket only to brush up on the art of losing gracefully. Share your athletic adventures with her at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on July 6, 2007

Admission Impossible

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© Icyimage | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Part Deux

It used to be that once you got accepted to college you had that last semester or two to relax, slack off a bit, and finally enjoy yourself without all that pressure to get into the school of your choice.

Ah, the good old days. I remember Senioritis running so rampant at my high school that even the teachers stopped showing up those last few weeks. My Biology lab was empty, except for a note on the chalkboard that read: “Gone to Maui. Will the last person in class please turn out the lights?”

I still use some of those stolen beakers for mixing my more exotic cocktails.

Ah, those were the days.

Apparently the good OLD days. There is no more slack for slackers, the Los Angeles Times reported this week. As if conquering Admission Impossible weren’t enough, now students have to remain focused–or face the consequences.

The article said that starting this month, some universities are revoking admission offers to students whose grades were good enough to gain acceptance when they applied, but whose final exams and transcripts took a fourth quarter dive.

For example, my alma mater, UCLA, has begun to send out letters informing some students that their academic record no longer meets the standards for admission.

Oops! Bummer.

I guess these days college admission is not a done deal until those final grades are in. Talk about a harsh cure for Senioritis. When too much partying couples with too little studying–a.k.a. Senioritis–it can actually put your college admission in remission.

Of course, Senioritis has infected the college-bound since, oh, the beginning of time. But with a high-stress admissions process that now begins in kindergarten–at age 7, Koss is already behind, having yet to master a third language or a fifth instrument–today’s seniors may be more tempted than earlier ones to let up once they get in.

And of course colleges have always threatened kids with rescinding their admissions, telling them college acceptance is conditional, they have to keep up with their studies, blah, blah, blah. But until now, it was just an idle threat.

Slackers beware: after hundreds of years of “conditional acceptance,” schools are finally making good on their threats. They really are. In addition to reading the Los Angeles Times article, in order to verify the authenticity I did extensive research on this (asked my dad), reviewed my files (back issues of Oprah Magazine), and consulted my advisors (a small boy named Koss and a turquoise fish named Beta).

It’s a new era. There’ll be no more slacking during your senior year of high school. You may think you’re done. You may have gotten a thick envelope with a relentlessly perky congratulatory letter from the admissions office. Your parents may have even sent in a nonrefundable deposit.

Worse yet, you may have excitedly told strangers on the street where you’re going to college. (How embarrassing!) You may even already be wearing your collegiate colors with pride, having bought out the student store logo wear department.

You’re in. They said you were in. You have the letter encased in an acid free scrapbook to prove it. But remember, you’re not quite done.

It’s the end of an era–no more slack for seniors. High school won’t be the same anymore.

Of course, college isn’t exactly the same either. At an average of more than $20,000 per year for tuition, room and board, it’s enough to make me want to stay poor. I just hope that by the time Koss graduates high school there are scholarships for students who excel in computer games and doing math while twitching. Otherwise I’ll have to win the lottery, sell a kidney–or encourage my son to slack off during his senior year.

Email email if you know anyone who’s had their college admission invitation rescinded. For more of Leslie’s columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 29, 2007

Summer is Finally Here

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© Yarko12 | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Gotta Go!

No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks–and no more teachers saying “no” when kids have to go. School is finally out for the summer, and kids are free to pee to their hearts’ content once again.

I had no idea that bathroom breaks were such an issue.

As a card-carrying member of “the Amazing Mini Bladderini Family,” I cringed–and almost immediately felt the urge to pee–when I read the headline in USA Today: “Teachers can say no when kids have to go.” Yet there it was in black and white.

What is it with teachers and peeing? Almost everyone I know has a “holding it till I was about to burst” story from elementary school. Then there was a huge controversy in Norway when a teacher wanted boys to sit to pee. It dominated the news for weeks. But I thought those days were over in the United States. I guess not.

We’re still wacko when it comes to potty breaks in school. A short time ago, a sixth-grader in Magnolia, Ohio wet his pants during a standardized test after a teacher refused to let him use the bathroom. In Charleston, South Carolina, a teacher made students pee into a trashcan during a lockdown drill. And in Sacramento, an eighth-grader recently urinated into a Gatorade bottle in a classroom corner because his teacher had refused to dismiss him.

All I can say is, “Ew, yuck!”

Since when is peeing a privilege? I always thought it was a right. A biological imperative, in fact.

I get that teachers have to balance classroom control with the varied and hard-to-predict potty practices of their students, but is it really that complicated? If you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go.

And yet, not all teachers see it that way. They say that the reasons for limiting bathroom use are to keep children from cheating on tests, disrupting the class, getting out of doing class work, or getting into mischief.

Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that children should be free to pee, but the mischief menace is no myth. While it’s possible they may have been lighting matches to get rid of the odors, after five fires were started in the bathrooms over the course of five days, a school in North Carolina (what is it with the Carolina’s and peeing?) started requiring students to have an adult escort when they went to the bathroom. The students protested by wearing numbered t-shirts reminiscent of those worn by prison inmates.

OK, so that may have been a bit drama club, but serious academic research done at the University of Iowa is showing that children are developing bladder problems because they are being denied the opportunity to go to the bathroom at school. As a result, doctors are seeing more and more urinary tract infections, incontinence, and damaged kidneys caused by infrequent trips to the bathroom.

The right to pee movement even has a de facto spokeswoman named Laurie A. Couture, a New England-based teacher, social worker, mental health counselor and political child advocate who is urging students to sign petitions when necessary and talk to their parents, teachers, and principals to stand up for their rights to “bodily integrity.”

Of course teachers aren’t really free to pee whenever they feel the urge during class time either. Perhaps that’s the real reason behind those gigantic grins on their faces this summer.

To audition for the Amazing Mini Bladderini Family, share your holding it horror stories with Leslie at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 22, 2007

A Holiday for Dad

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© Vasic | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

This Father’s Day: It’s All About Me

Searching for the perfect Father’s Day gift? Men are always so hard to buy for. Plus, let’s face it, unless it’s a 500-foot plasma screen or comes from Victoria’s Secret, they pretty much have the same, “uh thanks” reaction to any gift you buy them. That’s why this year I’ve come up with a brand new philosophy about Father’s Day gift buying: it’s all about me.

My first suggestion was that my husband take our son away for the weekend to do manly things, thus leaving me with the house to myself. “How about a father-son camping trip?” I suggested sweetly. “You could go fishing, hiking, maybe even rock climbing. It would be a great bonding experience.”

My husband thought I was kidding about the camping trip, which in retrospect isn’t all that surprising, given that his idea of “roughing it” usually involves a golf club. Once I got him to stop laughing, I suggested he teach Koss to play golf– thus another way of leaving me with the house to myself for long periods of time. Perhaps they could golf in Palm Springs or Pebble Beach, or an affordable place like Bakersfield, I hear it’s lovely this time of year.

He laughed again. He still didn’t realize that I was serious. This Father’s Day was finally going to be all about me.

I tried another tactic. If they weren’t going to leave the house, there were all kinds of excellent father-son bonding opportunities right under our own roof. “How about steam cleaning the carpets, painting the bedroom or organizing the pantry,” I suggested sweetly.

That time they both laughed–hard, until milk came out of their noses–like they thought I was kidding or something.

Maybe they didn’t want to be indoors all weekend. I tried again. “You could fix the fence together, or build a hot tub, or plant a rose garden and then strew petals all around the house.” More snorting. Honestly, you’ve got to be so patient with the male species sometimes.

“What about building that shed you’ve been talking about for the past seven years? Then you could clean out our storage unit and maybe even have a garage sale.”

I liked that idea a lot. If they did the garage sale then they could use the money to send me on little getaway to a spa or something.

Suddenly, the light bulb I keep on my head for these occasions lit up: I finally had the perfect Father’s Day gift idea! I would send my husband and son on a little trip to massage-therapy-gourmet-cooking school.

Brilliant. I’m sure I’m not the only one here who knows that when I’m happy, then everyone’s happy (I know there must be some corollary to that, I just can’t think what). And what could make my hubby happier than having me blissed out on massages and food? What can I say, I’m a giver. Happy Father’s Day!

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 15, 2007

JON AND LILLIAN LOVELACE

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Lillian & Jon Lovelace, courtesy Santa Barbara Magazine

Lillian & Jon Lovelace, courtesy Santa Barbara Magazine

SEASONED PHILANTHROPISTS

You won’t find their names plastered on buildings and placards around town, yet, in their quiet, generous way, Jon and Lillian Lovelace give graciously of their time, intellect and millions to a wide range of worthy organizations.

“We’re a little bit camera shy, publicity shy,” Lillian, explains.

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“A lot of people seem to do it [donate] to get their names in the paper. We’d like to be helpful without getting our names in the paper,” says Jon.

The arts rank high among their interests. Lillian, whose eclectic collection of modern art and Pacific Island artifacts decorate their Montecito home, was on the board of the Santa Barbara Museum of Art for 20 years and is now a sustaining trustee. In addition to fine art, the Lovelace’s share a love of music, dance and theatre and spend about a third of their time traveling around the world combining philanthropic and cultural endeavors.

Locally they are strong supporters of the Santa Barbara Dance Theatre, Camerata Pacifica, Music Academy of the West, UCSB Arts and Lectures, and the State Street Ballet, as well as having served on the boards of the Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) and the Getty Museum in Los Angeles, where Jon served as chairman of the board during the construction of the Getty Center.

“If we can be helpful, when something strikes Lillian’s fancy or something that she’s connected with, as with me, we get involved with that,” says Jon, who is also very supportive of wilderness preservation groups like the Nature Conservancy, the Sierra Club, and the Yosemite Fund.

Jon, Lillian and their four grown children (Jim, Jeff, Rob and Carey) were avid hikers and campers when the kids were young. “The outdoors has always been an interest,” says Jon, who ranked number 354 on Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans and recently retired from the Los Angeles-based Capital Group, one the world’s largest mutual fund management companies. Jim and Rob now work for the Capital Group, which was founded by their grandfather, Jonathan Bell Lovelace, in 1931.

The Lovelace children are also involved in giving back to the community, through organizations such as California Institute of the Arts and Idyllwild Arts Foundation–it’s a tradition of generosity that goes back generations. “My family was very much involved in social action and caring about other people and giving back to the community. They instilled that that was important. Jon’s father was involved with philanthropy and hospitals,” says Lillian.

The Lovelace’s have carried on the legacy of supporting healthcare by donating generously to medical institutes around the world, including Sansum Clinic and Phoenix of Santa Barbara, which provides care for mentally ill adults.

“I think that mental health is an area that is vastly ignored, it’s kind of a scary thing and not something people like to talk about. They used to not talk about cancer but now anybody can say cancer any time they want to but there’s still some avoidance of talking about mental health problems and I think that it needs all the support it can get,” explains Lillian, who majored in psychology at Antioch University, where she is now a sustaining trustee.

While many of the Lovelace’s philanthropic efforts have started with this type of a personal connection, there really is no typical scenario for their involvement. “It depends very much on the situation–there’s no single type of organization or way we try to help,” says Jon.

The Lovelaces–they married 56 years ago and used to celebrate their anniversaries in Santa Barbara until they moved here from Whittier in 1972 after their son Jim developed an allergy to the smog–share a strong interest in travel and the arts, often meeting up with their children to catch a performance or an exhibit somewhere in the world. They like films as well, and were investors in their friend Garrison Kellior’s 2006 movie, A Prairie Home Companion, starring Meryl Streep.

Friends like Kellior are an important part of the Lovelace’s lives.

” We mentioned family but we have so many wonderful friends that we’ve met over the years,” says Lillian.

“Throughout the world, actually,” Jon says.

“We’re recluses that love people,” concludes Lillian. Or perhaps people who love life.

Originally published in Santa Barbara Magazine

Floor Women Only

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© Netris | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Netris | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Have you ever wished there was such a thing as a bar for women only, where you could order a cosmopolitan with “an extra shot of vodka and hold the testosterone?” Guys are great and all, but every once in a while I have those days where I’ve had more than enough of their gaseous noises, dirty socks, smelly armpits and male answer syndrome.

OK, “every once in a while” might be a bit of an understatement.

Every time I wipe the shaving cream off the sink, I dream of sleeping on a bed of rose petals, and waking up to the quiet gurgling of a chocolate fountain, instead of my husband’s snoring.

That’s my version of a mental man-vacation.

My actual man is on a manly vacation somewhere on a river north of nowhere right now, which means it should be my turn next. If I ever actually got to go on a girls’ weekend away, I might choose a resort in Mexico, a spa in Palm Springs or maybe wine tasting in Napa Valley or even sunning myself on the French Riviera, as long as I’m dreaming.

But until last week I never really thought about Michigan as a girls’ getaway hotspot.

Then I heard that J.W. Marriott Hotel in Grand Rapids announced that it would be devoting its entire 19th floor–bar included–to female guests. Their spokeswoman, Andrea Groom, told the Associated Press that with women comprising over half of all business travelers, the all-female floor will allow women to “relax over a drink without getting hit on by guys.” The rooms will feature female-friendly amenities like “jewelry holders” (How did I ever live without one of those?) and “special hair dryers” (Are they pink? Do they color your hair while they dry it?), chenille throw blankets, “special bath products,” a stool in the shower for leg shaving, and copies of Oprah and Cosmopolitan Magazines beside the bed instead of the Gideon’s Bible.

OK, I made that last part up, but the rest is actually true. And so is this: staying in the Marriot’s man-free zone will cost you an extra $30 a night. It costs extra to be surrounded by women? I lived in a sorority house with 80 other girls, and well; let’s just say we could used a shot of testosterone with our morning coffee.

Will women really go for the Club Femme? Let’s just say I’ve got my reservations about the idea. They’ve certainly gone for the all-women gym concept with Curves, which has become the world’s largest fitness franchise in large part because of their “no men, no mirrors” gimmick.

I’ve never really gotten the appeal of the women-only gym. I’ve joined a lot of workout places over the years–and gained and lost the same 20 pounds–and the most fun I had was at an almost all-male (unless you count the transvestites) gym in West Hollywood. There was man candy everywhere I looked. But it was calorie-free, since this particular group of guys only had eyes for each other.

Despite the political incorrectness of it all, businesses with gender specific target marketing are popping up all over the place. There is Knockouts Haircuts for Men, a chain dubbed “the Hooters of haircutting,” which features scantily clad, well-endowed stylists and free beer. Before you laugh, get this: last year Knockouts ranked among the top 30 per cent of America’s fastest-growing franchises.

Would the female equivalent be Mani-Pedi-Eddie’s with Chippendales-trained technicians to chip away your old polish? That sounds fun and all, but I’d trade it in a second for a nice, hot, uninterrupted bath on a 19th floor that I had all to myself.

OK, maybe I’d be willing to share my floor with a box full of chocolate men–as long as they only had eyes for me.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 1, 2007