The Amazing Adventures of Danger Boy and Wimpy Mom

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© Kapu | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Kapu | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I stared up at Koss in amazement, as he confidently donned his bike helmet and harness to climb Gibraltar Rock. He looked so little, just a wisp of a boy, yet so excited and sure of himself. I couldn’t help but be impressed. Then I looked down at Rattlesnake Canyon 150 feet below, and almost lost my footing–and my lunch.

What kind of nut job mom lets their seven-year-old kid climb a mountain? Yet, there I was, terrified and shaking, watching from the side of the road. My Little Danger Boy was about to try rock climbing for the first time, with only a rope, a helmet and a harness to protect him from harm.

It was all his teacher’s fault. Teacher Danger Boy is an avid rock climber, and he promised the kids he would take them climbing as a belated Christmas gift. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving–grey hairs. Now it was time for him to “pay up on his promise,” and I was a wreck.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have been anywhere near the mountain. It’s been well documented that I’m not exactly the queen of all things daring and dangerous. My fears are completely rational. When I was 16 years old I took a 25-foot spill down a cliff onto the beach, and therefore all cliffs–even biggish sand dunes–are extremely dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.

OK, I was wearing flip-flops and was too busy flirting with the boy I was with to pay attention to my footing, but that doesn’t change the fact that all cliffs–and even biggish sand dunes–are extremely dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.

But see, Big Danger Boy (a.k.a. my husband Zak) was off on a dangerous “mancation” of his own that day, kayaking down boulder-filled rivers, drinking way too much and supervising a bunch of Neanderthals wobbling their way through a testosterone- and alcohol-fueled makeshift firewalk.

Since Zak was unavailable, I had to be there to “supervise” Koss’s rock climbing adventure. I warned his teacher that I would be watching from the side of the road. Unfortunately, Teacher Danger Boy didn’t pick up on the massive waves of “please don’t make me come and watch this” vibes I was sending his way, and said it would be just fine for me to watch from afar. I could have strangled him with my bare hands, but Koss really wanted to go, and his Wimpy Mom just didn’t have the heart to say no.

Clearly I was the one that needed a helmet to protect me from the blow to the head I must have suffered that got me to edge of this cliff (if 20 feet away is still “edge”).

I flashed back to Big Danger Boy’s skydiving adventure a few years back. I spent what should have been a lovely Saturday with my nerves shot, chained to the telephone. I could have killed him when he came back with a house full of pumped-up revelers, complaining of groin pain.

This time there was stomach pain (mine) as I grabbed my camera with one hand and a tree to steady myself with the other. I don’t even like writing about this, it just wigs me out again. If I could have sent him up there with full body armor and a hovering helicopter I would have, but all I could do at that point was cross my white knuckles, fingers, toes, and eyes and watch from afar as Koss climbed up that mountain like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Through the zoom lens of my camera I could see the huge smile on his face when he got to the top. He was so pumped up and proud of himself. For a split second I thought that maybe I wasn’t such a Wimpy Mom after all.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 8, 2007

My Destination Vacation

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© Dushenina | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Dushenina | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

While most of Santa Barbara was schussing down the slopes at Mammoth or slathering on the sunscreen in Hawaii, I spent my spring break on a guilt trip, once again. I’m a creature of habit and guilt trips are definitely my vacation destination of choice.

Well, not exactly “choice.”

I’d rather be drinking upside down margaritas in Mexico, or yachting in Europe without a care in the world, but given my current bank account, that wasn’t going to be happening this year–again. Like most other creative types who feel incredibly lucky just to be able to eke out a living without selling their souls, when there’s work to be had, I have to work.

Last week just happened to be one of those weeks. It also just happened to be the first week of Koss’s spring break. Yes, that wasn’t a typo. The FIRST week of his spring break. Apparently the families in our school district worked so hard for the three months after our three-week winter break that they need a two-week spring break to oh, say, ski in Mammoth or sun in Hawaii.

Not that I’m bitter or anything. If I could afford to take FIVE weeks off in the middle of the school year and go somewhere glamorous, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’m sure if I left out enough bowls of cereal, the kid would be fine.

Instead, I sent my son to camp, where he golfed, bowled, fished, hiked, learned a few swear words, and had a marvelous time. I, of course, felt incredibly guilty.

Despite the fact that I take my son to school every day, spend a ridiculous amount of time volunteering at his school when I should be working, then pick my son up from that same school every single day, have a semi-nutritious snack waiting for him in the car, and am always there after school to help him with his homework, schedule play dates, play handball, and take him to soccer/basketball/baseball/whatever else is in season practice–if I spend even a small part of his school breaks working, I feel guilty. If I spend a large part of those breaks working, I feel really guilty.

And if, as was the case last week, I spend a part of those school breaks actually taking a break for myself, say by putting him in camp all day while I do some writing and then go to the movies, I feel really, really guilty. Especially when my husband surprises me and says he wants to go to the movies one night during the week. Do I admit that I’ve actually already seen everything worth seeing? Then I’ll feel really guilty since he’s the one who’s been working full time while I’m doing full time chauffer/ part time career thing from home, which is actually harder, I know, because I’ve worked full time before when he stayed at home, but I feel guilty saying that because I know he’d switch positions with me in a heartbeat if I’d let him.

It’s a vicious cycle. But I’m comforted to know that I’m not the only woman who was raised on a diet of guilt (though mine was well seasoned with plenty of humor, I should add, so that I won’t feel too guilty when my mother reads this). A recent article in the Washington Post told the story of a woman in Virginia who felt so guilty about leaving her family in the evening that she almost missed out on an interesting lecture–titled “Mommy Guilt.”

Honey, I feel your pain, but I’ve decided to play through it anyway.

Rather than guilt tripping about my need to have a little bit of time to myself–and taking it anyway–I’m going to make friends with my guilt and take it on a few more outings this week. You won’t see us on the slopes, unfortunately, but maybe you’ll see us at the movies.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound April 6, 2007

Education 101

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Are Santa Barbara Schools Making the Grade?

Education 101, story from Santa Barbara Magazine

Education 101, from Santa Barbara Magazine

Education 101, from Santa Barbara Magazine

For better or worse, the days when parents would simply whisk their children off to the nearest school are long gone. Discussions of “where are you sending your child?” dominate local parks, pediatrician’s offices and preschool playgrounds. While there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to education, luckily we have lots of options in Santa Barbara. In general, our schools are getting better too–a concerted effort is underway to narrow the achievement gap between middle- to upper-class and low-income students. “Our schools are improving,” according to experts including longtime local educator Gerrie Fausett, the current superintendent of the Hope School District and former principal of Santa Barbara Junior High and Washington Elementary School on the Mesa. She says that schools are “doing a better job educating our students, and have particularly improved in their work with students that are not meeting academic expectations. The improvements and the dedication to making sure that kids are learning what they need to learn are moving forward.” Continue reading →

A passion for philanthropy

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New consulting ventures offer nonprofit groups much more than the sum of their parts

BY LESLIE DINABERG

The fabric of Santa Barbara’s intricately embroidered nonprofit community has some new embellishments in its design, as two consulting groups have recently announced their formations: The Crandell Company and Resource Innovators. Continue reading →

Take Your Daughters to Work Day

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“I know that girls can be anything that they want to be,” said featured speaker Barbara Ibarra Keyani as she shared her moving story of going “beyond her barrio” to UCSB, MIT, becoming a mother of two daughters now in college and her current position with the Santa Barbara School Districts with the 80 girls and 50 women who participated in Girls Incorporated’s annual Take Our Daughters to Work Day on May 24. Continue reading →

Mating in the Millennium

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Stuart Miles (Freedigitalphotos.net)

Stuart Miles (Freedigitalphotos.net)

The singles scene is changing fast.

Leslie Dinaberg tags along to dig up the dish on blind dating — 21st-century style.

MAN SEEKING WOMAN: Funny guy with killer body and money to burn seeks woman who doesn’t believe everything she reads.

Eye catching ad, isn’t it? It should be. That’s the online dating promo for professional online personal ad writer Evan Marc Katz, founder of e-cyrano.com, just one of the many Web sites for people who are looking for love in all kinds of interesting places. Continue reading →

Bungalow Haven

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mapWhat started out as a simple opportunity to socialize with neighbors and get to know a little more about American bungalow style architecture and restoration has quickly morphed the Bungalow Haven Neighborhood Association into a vibrant, politically active neighborhood watchdog group.

Bungalow Haven was formed about two years ago by neighbors Dee Duncan and her husband Steve Dowty, and Judy and Sayre Macneil.

“The original intent was social,” said Cheri Rae, another member of the association. Rae said the group has a couple of hundred members representing about 125 households and meets once a month at Duncan and Dowty’s home. They also have an active email list and several subcommittees, including a political action committee that is currently reviewing its position on the proposed development of the former St. Francis Medical Center property.

The Bungalow Haven neighborhood — roughly bounded by Alta Vista, Laguna, Anapamu and Micheltorena streets — began to mobilize when they learned of a plan to construct 18 new units on the 1400 block of Laguna Street and relocate five bungalows. The project — developed by Capital Pacific Holding LLC and designed by architect Detlev Peikert — was well underway before the neighbors really became aware of it. However, at least in part from their efforts (including numerous appearances before the planning commission and the architectural board of review) the project has been scaled back to retain three of the existing bungalows on the property, along with plans to build the 15 new units in craftsman style rather than the originally planned red tile roofs.

“We’ve shown up 50 at a time and I think that was part of why we’ve been so successful. People were so amazed to see such a large bunch of people who were very articulate,” said Rae, who has been sharing strategies with other neighborhood associations.

Mike Jogoleff, who has lived in Bungalow Haven since childhood, fears continued encroachment by developers would ruin the neighborhood’s character. “If somebody’s working against us like these big development companies, they just come in and screw everybody,” he said.

One of the steps the neighborhood association is taking to prevent more “condo mania” is working to establish Bungalow Haven as a Historic Landmark District. Regarding the Laguna Street project, Rae said, “… we’ve all had a steep learning curve on what the rules are, and we want to prevent it from ever happening again.”

To obtain historic status, the group must first finish a neighborhood survey cataloguing the historic elements throughout the approximately 300 homes in the neighborhood. “We’re modeling our approach on the El Pueblo Viejo and the Brinkerhoff Districts. They are (the) only two historic districts in the town so far, so we’re doing the same thing that they did,” she said.

Rae admitted, “It’s a little ironic when we say with disdain, ‘they’re putting in million dollar condos’ when our houses are creeping up toward million dollar houses. It’s just (that) what you get for your money is not stucco and brand-new efficient appliances, but you get some charm.”

Jogoleff is also keenly aware that the working-class neighborhood he grew up in has changed. ” As my neighbor says, the people that buy our houses are not going to be painters and teachers. It’s going to be lawyers, doctors, accountants.”

While development projects have been catalysts, they aren’t the primary reason for the group. “The group is to preserve this style of life, simple and kind of a calmer way of life. None of us chose to go live in a tract house in Goleta. That’s just not what we wanted. … We’re not out there recruiting members. … The whole idea is for peaceful coexistence and neighborhood protection,” Rae said.

“We’re not anti-development … it’s just within reason and it’s within scale and size and having respect for the neighborhoods that are already here. It makes no sense whatsoever to develop for new people who come in when you ignore the neighbors that are already here and have built Santa Barbara to be what it is. … We feel like we’re part of the fabric of this town and we want to be able to stay here and not be run out because we can’t have the kind of life that we want to have here,” Rae said.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Make Mother’s Day Special

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Give mom what she really deserves this year, a weekend of rest and relaxation at one of the Central Coast’s unforgettable resorts, bed and breakfasts or hotels.

Villa Toscana Bed & Breakfast

Fulfilling owner David Weyrich’s vision for a “quintessential wine country retreat,” this Tuscan-style village sits smack in the middle of the Martin & Weyrich vineyard in Paso Robles. Each of the eight suites (named after the vineyard’s wines) has unique Tuscan-inspired decor, and all have huge baths with whirlpool tubs, spacious sitting areas, and balconies overlooking the vineyard. Spa treatments can be arranged in your suite. For the ultimate pampering, rent the Winemaker’s Residence: a 3,500-square-foot apartment with a full kitchen and a private balcony with hot tub. For more information call 238.5600 or visit www.myvillatoscana.com.

Courtesy The Carlton

Courtesy The Carlton

The Carlton Hotel

For a completely different kind of getaway, take mom to the newly restored historic Carlton Hotel in downtown Atascadero. It has a big-city luxury hotel feel (think San Francisco, Boston or Washington, D.C.) without the long flight or parking hassles. The 52 tastefully designed guest rooms reflect the charm of yesterday but have all of the amenities of today, including spectacular spa tubs, 24-hour concierge services, a gym, several excellent restaurants and a roof terrace garden to enjoy. For more information, call 461.5100 or visit www.the-carlton.com.

Suite Edna Bed & Breakfast

Located in San Luis Obispo County’s wine country, this charming restored farmhouse is the perfect B&B for people who aren’t necessarily B&B people. There’s no forced socializing, you have the entire house to yourself, with the option to bring up to six people total (three rooms) in your group. Mom can make herself at home with a good book on one of the two delightful porches and end her day with a relaxing massage in a private garden cottage that’s just steps away. Owner Pattea Torrence is an antiques aficionado, and her attention to detail will please even the most meticulous moms. For more information call 544.8062 or visit www.oldedna.com.

Post Ranch Inn

This luxurious, 30-room Big Sur retreat, designed exclusively “for adults to relax, rejuvenate and nurture relationships,” features a series of redwood guesthouses with views of the sea or the mountains, blended almost invisibly into a wooded cliff 1,200 feet above the Pacific. On-site offerings include everything from yoga to star gazing, with the whole experience designed to preserve a sense of serenity. Known for its oneness with nature, Post Ranch Inn has been described as a “luxury resort that is a playground for the soul.” For more information call 1.831.667.2200 or visit www.postranchinn.com.

Sycamore Mineral Springs Resort

These hot mineral springs, which bubble up amid gorgeous oak and sycamore trees, have rejuvenated thousands of spa guests since 1897. An environment dedicated to healing and renewal, each room and suite has its own private balcony with a hot tub and about half of the rooms have mineral water piped into the tubs.

The treatment center offers an array of hands-on healing therapies, while the yoga institute offers classes in yoga, Pilates, meditation and associated wellness disciplines. The beautiful gardens, labyrinth, walking/hiking trails, and the communal hot springs are also wonderful places for mom to relax and refresh herself. For more information call 595.7302 or visit www.sycamoresprings.com.

Ventana Inn & Spa

Nestled in the heart of Los Padres National Forest in Big Sur, the romantic Ventana resort is a perfect getaway. In fact, when celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Robert DeNiro, Johnny Depp and Keanu Reeves want to get away from it all, they visit these 243-acres of tranquil forest overlooking the Pacific.

The rooms are so gorgeous — with ocean and mountain views, spa tubs, flat-screen televisions and porches equipped with private Jacuzzis and peaceful hammocks — mom may never want to leave. If she does venture out, she can sunbathe, walk or ride horses in the nearby hills, do yoga or tai chi, take a photography lesson or a painting class, or pamper herself with spa treatments.

“There’s nothing that we won’t do for our guests, period,” said general manager Paul O’Dowd.

No wonder the stars like this place. For more information call 1.800. 628.6500 or visit www.ventanainn.com.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Java Joys

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Courtesy Daily Grind

Courtesy Daily Grind

Ah, that rich, strong aroma of coffee. For some of us it’s the only thing that makes getting out of bed worthwhile. Even if you’re more interested in soaking up the atmosphere than the caffeine, it’s fun to know the 411 on local coffee houses.

Here’s my two cents. I’m sure others will disagree, and I’d be happy to debate them, as long as it’s over a latte.

Best overall

Red’s (211 Helena) – the “anti-Starbucks” in the heart of the Funk Zone, this place gets an A+ for funky ambiance and friendly staff. Red’s has an individual’s vision and personality written all over it, with eclectic art pieces, jewelry and purses for sale. Red’s serves lattes in handmade ceramic cups that are as individual as this fun new hangout. They also serve breakfast and lunch, as well as wines by the glass. This homey spot attracts an artsy neighborhood crowd that makes for interesting people watching. If only the chairs were a little more comfortable I would never want to leave.

Good Cup (1819 Cliff Dr.) – this coffee house reflects the upscale, healthy, family-oriented neighborhood the Mesa has become. In additional to first-rate coffee, they also offer gelato, smoothies, sandwiches and a great-looking quiche. The halo over the logo and the “good karma” tip jar gives you a taste of Good Cup’s spiritual bent. They offer a cool selection of things to buy with a bit of a new age/feminist bent, including a “smart women thirst for knowledge” cup and a Virgin Mary beach bag. The crowd is a mix of Mesa moms (think cute kids and Yoga pants), students and professionals from both the white and blue-collar crowd.

Best lattes

Northstar Coffee (918 State St.) – their foam is indeed a work of art. A little more expensive, but this is the place to go if you want to really treat yourself. Unfortunately, the decor is upscale generic and the place is mostly packed with tourists. Just close your eyes and pretend you’re in Italy.

Muddy Waters (508 E. Haley St.) – the service is “pierced and tattooed with attitude” and the decor is straight outta Santa Cruz, but the lattes are among the best in town. Not a bad people watching spot either.

Good strong, cups of Joe

Peet’s Coffee & Tea (3905 State St.) – Peet’s is almost a religion in the Bay Area, but here on the South Coast we tend to prefer our coffee with a little foam, and our coffee houses with a few more amenities, which is probably why there’s only one of the Peet’s chain in this area. The beans are excellent and other than at 8 a.m., there’s almost never a line.

Jeannine’s Bakery (1253 Coast Village Rd., 3607 State St. and inside Gelson’s at 3305 State St.) – also serves Peet’s coffee, along with the best carrot cake in town.

Santa Barbara Roasting Company (607 Paseo Nuevo and 321 Motor Way) – ROCO has gentrified its look with a new Paseo Nuevo store but the coffee still gets an old-school A+. It’s strong, hot and rich. On weekends I prefer the locals-only crowd on Motor/Lower State, which fills up with adorable young ballerinas (and their parents) from the nearby Gustafson Dance School.

Best ice blended drinks

The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf (3052 De la Vina St., 811 State St. and 5745 Calle Real) – this is where the iced blended mocha trend started and they still make the best. Plus, the staff on State Street is goofily friendly and the De la Vina and Calle Real chains are great places to run into old friends.

Best people watching and eavesdropping

Coffee Cat (1201 Anacapa St.) – it’s cattycorner from the courthouse and right across the street from the county staff offices. Need I say more?

Starbuck’s (1046 Coast Village Rd.) – the only place in town where you simultaneously see Hollywood types discuss the latest hot screenplay with the same passion that Westmont students discuss “the word.” For some strange reason, this Starbuck’s is also a great place to see unusual breeds of dogs.

Hot Spots Espresso Company (36 State St.) – not only is this the only 24-hour coffee house in town, it’s also a living, breathing student UN. Definitely the only place in town you can routinely hear French, German, Russian and Chinese spoken simultaneously.

Vices and Spices (3558 State St.) – one of the oldest coffee places in town, this is a great place to run into old friends and find out the latest San Roque gossip. People still play checkers, read books and write in journals here, as opposed to talking on their cell phones and scanning the headlines.

Friendliest service

Mojo Coffee (7127 Hollister Ave.) – When the Beacon was in Goleta, Mojo Coffee was right downstairs. I started every day with good Mojo thanks to the friendly smiles of Chris and his staff, the only college students without attitude in town.

Espresso Roma (1101 State St.) – while the one near De la Guerra Plaza has closed, the one near the Beacon is still thriving, thanks in part to the truly nice people that brew these beans. The staff is always ready with a smile, and a fast cup of good, strong, reasonably priced coffee. Plus they make their own delicious muffins, croissants and cookies and sell them for half price at the end of the day.

Starbuck’s (Five Points Center) – Starbuck’s coffee and the decor might be consistent throughout the known universe, but the staff in Five Points is truly a notch above the others in the chain. If only it weren’t so hard to park …

Best lunch

The Daily Grind (2001 De la Vina St.) – their sandwiches are delicious and big enough to split. They also make really good soups; don’t miss the chicken and dumpling. Goleta Coffee Company (177 S. Turnpike Rd.) has the same menu but the San Marcos High School crowd and strip mall location gives it a totally different vibe.

Best breakfast

Jeannine’s Bakery (1253 Coast Village Rd., 3607 State St.) – fabulous baked goods, impeccable presentation. They have a full, cooked breakfast menu, as opposed to just muffins and burritos, and the coffee’s pretty darn good too.

Neighborhoods most in need of a coffee house

Cabrillo Boulevard – it’s hard to believe that this tourist Mecca lacks even a Starbucks, but the closest coffee house is at Hot Spots on lower State.

Milpas Street – sure there are donut and bagel places, but there’s not a single coffee house to be found on this bustling street.

Westside/San Andres – another mixed use neighborhood without a coffee house.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Engineered for Success

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“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is one of the first questions Ed Ware asks his computer engineering students at Dos Pueblos High.

A software engineering department manager at Raytheon for 23 years, Ware offers students a view of engineering from the workplace, rather than the classroom. With the support of his employer, Ware spends three mornings a week allowing students to “try on engineering and see if it’s something they really like.”

Clearly engineering is something Ware really likes.

“A rewarding part is being able to take a subject matter that I love and convey it to somebody else through teaching,” said Ware, who is beginning his second year with DPHS’ Engineering Academy.

“Ed is an unbelievably fantastic teacher,” said Dos Pueblos principal David Cash. “He knows students well and relates well to them.”

It’s selfish really, said Ware, the father of two daughters (one at DPHS and the other at Goleta Valley Junior High).

“I enjoy being on campus, especially when I have a daughter … I think we’re a lot closer. I understand what her life is like … and she’s not ashamed of me,” he laughed.

“It’s just been a great partnership all around,” said Cash.

The idea for the engineering academy started about four years ago. An essential part of getting funding for the program was being able to demonstrate active partners in the business community. Raytheon — which had already adopted DPHS through the county Partners In Education Program — was the first business the school went to talk to, said Cash.

Raytheon responded by getting involved in the engineering academy in a big way.

“It’s just a perfect avenue for us,” said spokesman Ron Colman. “Our big community involvement push is math and science education. This is a great way for us to impact the community via the schools, also a great way for us to, in effect, recruit future employees.”

Ware described his teaching experience as being very rewarding.

“I love the old Wide World of Sports ‘the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat’ slogan (as an analogy for) watching the students with their first project,” he said.

When students start his class, “they’re great end users,” said Ware. “But they don’t know what’s inside the box, how it works, or what’s behind the screen.”

In his last class Ware had the students tear apart a computer to really understand what the CPU is.

“We learned how to program, we learned the language of computers,” said senior Karla Ortiz, who is participating in the engineering academy for her second year.

Raytheon views the program as a good way to light the imaginations of students, such as women and minorities, who wouldn’t always be exposed to engineering opportunities.

“I think it’s an awesome program because I think a lot of girls didn’t know that much about computer networking,” said Ortiz, whose father is an engineer.

Ortiz particularly enjoyed a field trip to Ware’s office. “It was a really great experience to see how the environment works at Raytheon,” she said.

Ortiz was also a fan of the guest speakers.

“He brought this girl engineer named Candy (software engineer Candy Lou) into class. It’s a really great program because it’s advocating for girls that ‘hey, it’s not just a guy thing,'” said Ortiz.

“I give them a thumbs up for Raytheon to actually put that program out there,” said Ortiz, who is considering a career in engineering or medicine.

And when Ware grows up?

“I think I want to be a software engineer,” he said.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon (2003)