Stuart Miles (Freedigitalphotos.net)
The singles scene is changing fast.
Leslie Dinaberg tags along to dig up the dish on blind dating — 21st-century style.
MAN SEEKING WOMAN: Funny guy with killer body and money to burn seeks woman who doesn’t believe everything she reads.
Eye catching ad, isn’t it? It should be. That’s the online dating promo for professional online personal ad writer Evan Marc Katz, founder of e-cyrano.com, just one of the many Web sites for people who are looking for love in all kinds of interesting places.
Nationwide matchmaking services like It’s Just Lunch and Eight at Eight and Santa Barbara’s own Central Coast Introductions (687.3949) would make Dolly Levi sing out with glee. Online personal ad sites like Match.com, Yahoo! Personals and American Singles.com are also thriving. A recent study by Nielsen/Netratings found that 21 million people visited online dating sites in a single month.
With all those frogs to kiss, why waste time spending a whole evening with someone with whom you just don’t click? New to the Santa Barbara social scene is HurryDate, where an April 7 party at Sandbar (formerly Calypso’s) attracted a group of about 30 adventurous singles game to try 15 dates in one night.
“I have no expectations at all,” said Steve, just prior to starting his first three-minute date.
“It’s more funny and exciting than scary, I guess,” said the 29-year-old, who admitted having a drink at the bar across the street to check out the crowd before coming in and paying his $30 fee.
“I work a full-time job, commute from Buellton to Goleta every day and go to the gym three times a week, so I don’t have a lot of time to look,” said Shaun, a 29-year old who recently ended a long-term relationship with a woman who was eight years older.
“I saw it (speed dating) on MTV and I really wanted to do it,” said Lindsey, a 23-year old UCSB student. “I haven’t been on one (date) in Santa Barbara.”
It’s really hard to meet people at bars, she said. Like most of the crowd, she was “cautiously optimistic” about what the dates might bring. “You never know … that’s what it’s all about.”
“HurryDaters should be able to tell if there is chemistry or an attraction, and certainly if you don’t like them in your three minutes with each person,” said president Adele Testani, who almost three years ago co-founded the company with Ken Deckinger.
Indeed, midway through the speed dates — where the host blew a whistle every three minutes and the men changed tables to meet their next date — some of the women were doubtful.
“I’m kind of disappointed,” said Jamie, a UCSB graduate student. “When I first started out, everyone was single, and the last eight years people have gotten married or they’ve moved and I just find myself with very few options.”
Still Jamie’s never tried online dating. “I really think there’s something to meeting someone, that’s why I thought this would be interesting. This will be as online as I get because I registered there, but I just have to meet someone in person, for sure.”
“I’m not in the mode to go barhopping anymore. I just want someone that will be committed and want something more,” said Bertha, a 33-year-old whose son waited outside while she finished up her dates. While she didn’t find her prince that night, Bertha was still upbeat about the efficiency dating experience.
“It’s better than going to a bar and trying to talk to a stranger. At least they made an effort to come here,” she said.
“It’s about meeting new people if you have a relationship and you’re just friends, it’s OK,” said Shelby, a UCSB student who just turned 21.
“Most people get between three and five matches (after a HurryDate event),” said Testani. And some do find the match of their dreams. She said there’ve been more than 20 engagements and one San Francisco couple, Simon Hayhurst and Summer Roberts, turned three minutes into forever when they got married earlier this week after meeting at a HurryDate party.
Investigate potential mates with DateSmart
Love’s not the only thing that may be lurking around the corner. The Internet exposes people to multitudes of possible dates, but it also exposes them to potentially bad people, said Carmen Naimish, a local private investigator and the principal of DateSmart.com, a service that specializes in online dating security investigations.
The DateSmart motto is “If you date … investigate,” and Naimish, who founded the company in 1997, knows from whence she speaks. “What really brought it to my attention was my own personal experience. I found if I would have checked out one thing about this person … to question his intention … it would have caused me to make different decisions. … I thought, ‘I need to tell others about this.’ … Pay attention to your gut and your feelings and if you feel something is wrong, you’re probably right.”
While DateSmart is located in Santa Barbara, it has clients from all over the country. Most of Naimish’s clients have visited her website and recognized one or more of the red flags, which include:
– Does it seem too good to be true?
-Have they told you their “ex” and/or parents are deceased
-Are they secretive or elusive regarding their past?
-Have they told you they’re in the CIA?
These or any number of other odd behaviors may not pass your sniff test.
The majority of DateSmart clients are women, but the company serves many men and is often hired by the suspicious parents or children of someone who is involved in Internet dating. About 80 percent of the time their fears or concerns turn out to be warranted, said Naimish.
So it’s important to listen to your gut as well as your heart and your hormones.
“I think most people want to be in love and live happily ever after. But in that desire to meet someone … they sometimes close their eyes to potential problems,” said Naimish. “If you date, investigate.”
For more information visit www.datesmart.com, e-mail incase@datesmart.com or call 888.842.4325.