How I Lost My Virgo

Virgo by Salvatore Vuono, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Virgo by Salvatore Vuono, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have never really put much faith in astrology and haven’t read my horoscope on a regular basis in years. Still, I’ve always taken a certain pride in being a Virgo. With the beautiful symbol of virginal purity, “Virgos are intellectuals who were born to help others. They are humane and loyal in their jobs and personal lives, preferring calmness and order in life.”

Sounds just like me, right?

Not that I believe that being born under a certain star configuration has influenced my personality in any way. But I’ve always liked the description of Virgo character traits–loyalty, devotion, and feminine charms–figuring if the shoe fits, I may as well squeeze my toes in, alongside fellow Virgos Greta Garbo, Sophia Lauren, Ingrid Bergman and Lauren Bacall.

And now a guy named Parke Kunkle from the Minnesota Planetarium Society has taken my Virgo-ness away from me. He didn’t even buy me dinner first! And now to further insult my virtue, they’re bringing this Ophiuchus character into the mix. That is way too wild for my Virgo sensibilities.

Yet somehow I went to bed a Virgo on Sunday night and woke up a Leo on Monday morning. If I actually believed in horoscopes and all of that stuff, then I’d sure have a lot of rethinking to do.

Not that there’s anything wrong with Leo’s, DiCaprio or otherwise. These “overly creative and energetic lions command everyone’s attention. Brimming with self-confidence, their zeal for life is unmistakable. Leos enjoy taking center stage with a warm, inviting attitude.” My son is a Leo, or at least he used to be. He’s definitely more lion-like than I am, though. I’d love to be brimming with self-confidence and zeal for life.

In fact this whole go-to-bed-a-Virgo-wake-up-a-Leo thing has thrown my self-confidence for a loop. Now that I’ve been deVirgo-ized, I know how Pluto must have felt when it got de-planet-ized.

If I chose a career based on my Zodiac sign, does that mean I’d have to find something Leo-like to do now? And what if all of those “lucky lottery numbers” had actually been lucky for me-but I played the wrong Zodiac sign? I would have to rethink my whole investment strategy.

Wow. What if believing we were astrologically compatible I had married the wrong guy? And what if I had a Virgo tattoo, would I have to have it removed or somehow redrawn into a lion? Are sapphires no longer my birthstone, and do I have to give up my favorite blue earrings?

There must be something we can do to fight this. The Koreans are in my corner. The Korea Astronomy and Space Science Institute released a statement that “the International Astronomical Union, an internationally recognized body regarding astronomical matters, hasn’t made an official announcement on the change of zodiac signs,” with their representative Sul Ah-chim adding that if such a change were to happen, “the decision should be made by the official body.”

Apparently Kunkle fumbled this one.

So, at least for now, Ophiuchus can suck it. I’ll remain a Virgo, even if it’s just in my own mind. Plus I just read another news report that said the new astrology chart is only applicable for people who were born after 2009. I guess that means I’m a Virgo for life!

When Leslie’s not choosing which horoscope to read or ignore, she can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. Her columns run every Friday in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com. Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on January 21, 2011.

The Race to Less Homework

RaceToNowhere_27x40_0711Like many people I spoke to in the audience, I was both dreading and looking forward to seeing Race to Nowhere, a documentary about the impact of undue academic pressures, which was presented by the Orfalea Foundation and UCSB Arts & Lectures last weekend.

Mostly I was worried that watching the movie would become–ironically enough–a homework project for ME in that I feared that its depiction of the negative effects of too much homework and too much pressure to do well in school might motivate ME to want to take on the Sisyphean task of trying to change our educational system.

It’s not exactly a feel good movie, but it certainly is an effective one.

The movie did make me want to do something.

Directed by concerned mother Vicki Abeles, “Race to Nowhere” paints a scary story where cheating has become commonplace, students are disengaged from what they are supposed to be learning, stress-related illness and depression are rampant, and many young people arrive at college and the workplace unprepared and uninspired.

Plus, as one high school girl points out in the movie, “we live in a society today where you have to be smart, but also pretty, and also you have to do sports, and you have to be involved in art, and you have to find something unique about yourself. And you have to know yourself, because if you don’t know yourself then you’re going to lose yourself.”

Aurgh! Is it any wonder that, as Dr. Madeline Levine, a psychologist and expert on student stress who was in the movie and participated on the panel afterward, says, “20% of high school kids have major stress diagnosis or an anxiety disorder of some kind.”

They’ve spent their entire childhoods building their resumes.

It seems so overwhelming.

A lot of the challenges pointed out in the film–the federally mandated No Child Left Behind requirements; the emphasis on testing; too many students “qualified” for top universities and not enough spots available; global economic competition–are just too huge to even think about trying to overcome as a lone parent, but there is one issue that actually seems surmountable, even by little ol’ me.

Homework.

Despite the fact that, as friends with older kids taking AP classes remind me, our sixth grade son is “just getting started” on the homework treadmill, our entire household spends a ridiculous amount of time talking about homework, negotiating about homework, whining about homework and even crying about homework.

Yes, I am the one who usually cries about homework and does a little happy dance on the rare nights when he doesn’t have any. It’s painful and quite frankly we’d all be a lot happier if there were less of it.

Our son’s homework, with the exception of reading and studying for tests, is overwhelmingly full of busywork. Coloring endless pages of a “keepsake” book from a field trip is not a good use of the wee hours of the night, in my opinion. Coloring is supposed to be fun, right? Even the so-called “fun” projects like creating dioramas, board games or giant posters usually involve multiple trips to the crafts store searching for expensive supplies to create projects that require way too much parent participation and take way too much time.

Plus, when you look into the academic research about homework, there’s very little to support it, especially for younger children. According to the movie, there’s no correlation between homework and academic achievement in elementary school, and the correlation flatlines after two hours of high school homework.

“Kids are developing more school-related stomachaches, headaches, sleep problems, and depression than ever before,” writes William Crain, a professor of psychology and author of “Reclaiming Childhood: Letting Children Be Children in Our Achievement-Oriented Society.” “We’re seeing kids who are burned out by fourth grade. Soon, it will be by second grade.”

The other thing too much homework does is cut into kids’ time for physical activity (even though we’re worried about childhood obesity), as well as family time and even household chores. How can we teach our son to be a responsible member of our household (let alone society) when he doesn’t have time to do the friggin dishes?

Among the suggestions for parents at the end of the movie are to “reduce performance pressure” and “allow time for play, family, friends, downtime, reflection and sleep.” Those sound like do-able ideas to me. But can you help us out here, teachers? How about a little less homework.

When Leslie’s not clenching her teeth over her son’s homework, she’s usually home doing work of her own. She can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com. Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on January 14, 2011.

Ode to the Wii

Boy Playing Videogame by imagerymajestic, freedigitalphotos.net

Boy Playing Videogame by imagerymajestic, freedigitalphotos.net

Thank you Nintendo. Wow–those are three words I never thought I’d say in a million years.

Until rather recently we were a family of Luddites when it came to gaming devices. No DS, no Playstations, no Game Boys, no Xbox 360’s at our house, as our son frequently reminded us. It got so bad that he would introduce himself to strangers by saying, “Hi, my name Koss. I don’t have any brothers and sisters, I don’t have any pets and I don’t have any electronic toys.”

Yes, for a long time our child was pitifully deprived of all that stuff.

When he dared to complain of boredom, we’d mock him mercilessly, then tell him to go read a book, play basketball, ride a bike, bounce on a pogo stick. Video games were a no-no at our house. We just didn’t go there.

I’ve got to admit, I felt a little teensy bit of parental superiority about it. Maybe not quite the same level of superiority that people who never give their kids fast food feel, and definitely not reaching the level of parental purity that those people with “Kill Your TV” bumper stickers feel, but still, I was kind of proud that we hadn’t given in on this particular issue.

My husband, a longtime fan of computer games, was also happy not to have a gaming machine in the house. Although, his thinking went more along the lines of, “Don’t give me a gun, I don’t want to have to kill again.”

Then came the summer of his tenth birthday when the boy had saved up enough money to buy a Wii.

Uh-oh.

He had prepared a 23-slide Power Point presentation on why he should be able to purchase the toy. (Yes, we let him use the computer. I said we were Gaming Device Luddites, not Amish!) He argued that it had lots of non-violent game options, that playing the Wii involved getting off the couch and actively moving, that he would strictly follow whatever time restrictions we gave him for the game, and that he had his own money saved up and this was what he “pretty please with sugar on top” wanted to buy with it.

So we caved. And it was a lot cheaper than getting him a baby sister or an iguana.

Koss was completely addicted to the Wii for about five minutes. Then he got into a new series of fantasy books and forgot all about it for couple of months.

Then one day, it rained. And rather than jump on the furniture or play “vaseball” with the last of my wedding crystal, we brought out the Wii. Whee! Now we have a Wii, the perfect toy for a rainy day.

And whee, let me tell you, every single time it rains I do a little happy dance for the Wii.

Since it’s mostly sunny, Santa Barbara just isn’t very well equipped for rainy days. When you coop 75 pounds of pre-teen energy into a very small house for too long eventually something’s got to give–usually it’s my sanity. Let’s face it; no matter how hard you work to civilize them, boys are wired for action. Thank goodness, now they’re also wired for Wii. While it rains outside, kids can still work up a sweat without catching pneumonia.

And I know this isn’t the case with every kid, but thankfully, as much as we have come to love the Wii, Koss would still rather play outside when he can. Whee, I love that Wii.

Share your thoughts on video gaming with Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com. Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on January 7, 2011.

Recylable Resolutions for the New Year

Photostock (freedigitalphotos.net)

Photostock (freedigitalphotos.net)

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” -Bill Vaughan

“New Year’s resolution: to tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” – James Agate

“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.” – Leslie Dinaberg’s South Coasting Column, 2004

Foolishly optimistic, somewhat deluded person that I am, I always take some time at the end of December to reflect on the past year and set some goals for the next one. The idea is to come up with a list of resolutions that will help transform me into a kinder, nicer, more organized, healthier, richer person with a better figure, a well-behaved and all around perfect family, and a much cleaner house.

While I haven’t accomplished all that I would have liked to in 2010–and honestly Mr. President, who has?–a look back at the history of my New Year’s resolutions tells me that at least I’m continuing to make a tiny bit of progress every year.

Resolution #1

1988: I will get back to the weight on my Driver’s License.

1997: I will get back to my weight when I got married.

2007: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

2011: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight, focus on getting healthy, buy myself pretty clothes and develop my personality. (Confession: Though I’ve used this line shamelessly throughout my life, my father deserves credit for it, since rumor has it that it’s what he said about me the first time he saw me when I was an hour old.)

Resolution #2

1992: I will not spend my money frivolously and save enough money to put a down payment on a small house in Santa Barbara.

1998: I will not spend any money at all on anything, under any circumstances, and save enough to put a down payment on a small house in Isla Vista, with the help of my parents and anyone else who might want to invest.

2006: I will stop buying so many new pairs of shoes.

2009: I will stop crumpling my tax-deductible receipts into teeny tiny balls of paper that raise my husband’s blood pressure every April.

2011: Money schmoney! It’s all about quality of life.

Resolution #3

2007: I will stop smoking.

2008: I will stop smoking.

2009: I will stop smoking.

2011: I will stop smoking. (Confession: I’ve never started smoking in the first place, but I always like to give myself one easy thing that I know I can accomplish to make myself feel better about this whole New Year’s resolution thing.)

Resolution #4

1997: I will spend more time with my family.

2006: I will spend more quality time with my family.

2008: I will redefine quality time with my family to mean that we all have to be awake, with no one yelling, but not necessarily doing the same activity in the same room at the same time.

2011: I will spend more quality time with my family and my dear friends, but only when I’m not grumpy.

Resolution #5

1998: I will treat my body as a temple and eat only healthy, organic foods.

2000: I will only order out for pizza once a week.

2003: I will stop counting Mai Tais as a serving of fruit, even though they come with an orange slice and a maraschino cherry.

2006: I will sit down with my family and eat a healthy, balanced meal at least once a week.

2010: I will eat a piece of dark chocolate and I will drink a glass of red wine every night, but only for the good of my health.

2011: Ditto.

Resolution #6

1982: I will write a novel before I’m 30.

1995: I will write a novel before I’m 40.

2011: I will write a novel before I’m 50 or start lying about my age immediately.

Resolution #7

1993: I will not fight with my boyfriend about household chores.

1994: I will not fight with my husband about household chores.

1999: My husband will stop pretending he knows how to fix the car and I will stop pretending I am competent in the kitchen.

2007: My husband will stop pretending he doesn’t see the pile of laundry that needs to be folded and I will stop pretending I don’t know how to pump my own gas.

2011: My husband will make sure I have gas in my car if I give him enough warning when the tank is low and I will stop making New Year’s resolutions on behalf of other people.

Resolution #8

2005: I will not fight with Koss about doing his chores.

2006: I will not fight with Koss about his homework, doing his chores and cleaning up his dirty sweat socks.

2007: I will not fight with Koss about his homework, doing his chores and cleaning up his dirty sweat socks and his sweaty t-shirts.

2009: I will not fight with Koss about his homework, doing his chores, cleaning up his dirty sweat socks and his sweaty t-shirts, and how much time he spends on the computer.

2011: Koss will be responsible for his own homework, his own chores and his own dirty clothes. But I am still his mother and I can make resolutions for him if I want to!

Resolution #9

2011: I will put away a dollar in a little jar every day and maybe when I retire I’ll be able to afford an R.V. that I can park somewhere in Santa Barbara. Oh, who am I kidding?

Pass the champagne (or better yet, the wine and chocolate!) cheers to a wonderful New Year for us all.

Share your resolutions with Leslie by emailing Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com. Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 31, 2010.

Holiday Letters for the Cheerless

Christmas Memo Sheet by nirots, freedigitalphotos.net

Christmas Memo Sheet by nirots, freedigitalphotos.net

As much as I love getting mail during the holiday season–what’s not to like about the season where chocolate catalogs finally outweigh that depressing stack of bills and you get daily reminders that good old so-and-so you shared a cubicle with in 1991 is still alive and kicking?–I have to admit that sometimes I get a little tired of reading about other people’s perfect kids and their numerous dazzling vacations from their already oh-so glamorous lives.

Obviously not everyone has genius children, ran a marathon, expanded their 4,000 square foot home another 2,000 square feet, or finally finished that screenplay this year. So what if you’re not in the mood to gush with sincere emotions about how much you love your family and how meaningful your work life is this year, let alone use the word “blessings” multiple times in your annual holiday missive?

What kind of letter can you write if your year basically sucked and your main request to Santa is that 2011 will be a little bit better?

Here are a few ideas to get you started. For full versions of the letters send a check or money order for zillions of dollars to me, care of the Santa Barbara Daily Sound. (And yes, I realize that if you had zillions of dollars to pay me to write your holiday letter, you’d probably be having way too much fun to bother. It doesn’t hurt to ask!)

Still Single After All These Years

Dear Loved Ones. The 13 kitties (Tiger, Mr. Tibs, Nibbles, Simba, Cutie-Pie, Whiskers, Sheba, Cleopatra, Fluffy, Scratcher, Precious, Zyrtec and Claratin) and I are just dandy. We’re all very excited that we got brand new carpeting and furniture again this year. Our new couch is a beautiful cabbage rose print. So pretty! The kitties and I are doing our best to learn to use the litter box since couches are pretty doggone expensive. (Insert paw prints here.)

We’re Broke, Please Send Cash

Dear Friends and Family. Yes, I am writing this on the back of an old shopping list/receipt/kids’ report card. I hope you don’t mind the coffee and grease stains. Sometimes I think caffeine, sugar and alcohol are the only things that make life worth living once you’ve been evicted from your apartment and your car has been repossessed. If you can’t send cash, please send wine. Donuts are good too, so are Cheetos, really anything from the sweet and salty snack aisle will do in a pinch. We’ll also take prepaid phone cards and gift cards in any denomination.

Better Than Therapy

Seasons Greetings. 2010 was not the greatest year for our family. I was let go by the bank in March and though the larceny charges were eventually dropped, the legal fees sent us into bankruptcy. During the course of the pre-trial motions my computer was seized and they found a few questionable websites in my browser history. My wife just doesn’t understand me anymore and got so depressed that she took off on a six-month retreat with her yoga instructor so she could “get centered.” I guess her chakras were finally in order because by October she was back in the country and we were back together. In November we sold our house (finally, for about 75% less than we paid for it) and all of our remaining family heirlooms, then purchased a used Winnebago, which we are now driving around the country. We’ll be coming your way soon. Hope the fridge is full, the water is hot and the towels are clean.

Other titles available:

Three Square Meals in 10 Square Feet

My Juvenile Delinquent Can Beat Up Your Honor Student

Days of Our (Extremely Boring) Lives (in the Carpool Lane)

And my personal favorite:

Compared to These People, My Year Was Actually Pretty Good.

Happy Holidays!

Share your favorite holiday letters with email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.  Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 17, 2010.

Tackling the Season Like a Man

Portrait Of Beautiful Woman Wearing Santa Claus Hat by David Castillo Dominici, freedigitalphotos.net

Portrait Of Beautiful Woman Wearing Santa Claus Hat by David Castillo Dominici, freedigitalphotos.net

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from my friend Ramey: “If you don’t want to be the only one doing all the work then you have to let other people do stuff using their own standards–no matter how crappy or inferior they may be.”

She was talking about diaper rash and Desitin, but over time I’ve found that her advice applies almost everywhere from the schoolyard and the soccer field to the domestic front and delegating at work.

You can explain it by whatever nature versus nurture notion noogles your noggin, but the fact is that men are overwhelmingly better than women are at letting go of perfectionism. They don’t really notice–or if they do, they certainly don’t care about–that pile of laundry waiting to be folded on the couch. It’s simply an obstacle to sit upon or pushed aside in their quest to find a place to rest their fatigued fannies after a hard day’s work.

They aren’t the least bit disturbed if the dinner table lacks floral finery, or even utensils, as long as there’s an ice-cold beer at their fingertips. They may be masters of their domains, but most of them have absolutely no interest in anything resembling a throw pillow, quilt or home decor accessory (unless it comes in HD and surround sound).

And as for calendars, schedules and to-do lists? Forget about it. Somehow it’s more manly to store things “in your head,” despite the sometimes sieve-like filter associated with this system.

Let’s face it, there are a lot of things that men simply don’t care about and thus they don’t stress about. As hard as it is for me to admit it, I think they may be on to something, especially when it comes to the holidays.

Have you ever in your life met a man who felt guilty when a caring neighbor brought over a homemade dish of goodies and he didn’t have a lavish platter at the ready to gift them in return?

Have you ever heard of a man stalking the aisles of an all-night drug store after midnight because the five shades of curling ribbon he has at home are just not “quite the right red?”

You don’t see men stressing about losing weight to fit into a cute new outfit for the company’s holiday party or going to 17 different stores to find the perfect Secret Santa Gift for the receptionist in their office who won’t even know it’s from them.

Nope, men don’t take it as their seasonal call of duty to personally manufacture every bit of holiday magic that comes into their household. For the most part, whether the laundry is waiting to be folded or not, they sit on the couch, relax and enjoy the spirit–and spirits–of the season.

Which is why this year I’m going to try to take the holidays like a man by relaxing the perfectionism, kicking back and enjoying them.

I hope you’ll do the same.

When Leslie’s not obsessing about not obsessing about her holiday to-do list, she can reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.  Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 10, 2010.

From Yiddish to Yinglish

YiddishDictionaryOnline.com

YiddishDictionaryOnline.com

When it comes to traditional religion, I’ll readily admit that I’m more Jew-ish than Jewish. You won’t find me in temple unless there’s a Bar mitzvah or a book signing, and I’m certainly not one to pass up an offering of bacon-wrapped shrimp. They’re delish!

But there’s one part of Jewish cultural tradition–besides the latkes–that I have embraced with gusto: the language.

No, I’m not talking Hebrew, which is way too complicated and confusing for the short attention span theater of my brain these days. I get a case of Hanukkah guilt before the gelt every year when need a refresher course on the dreidel symbols.

No, I’m talking Yiddish. And whether you realize it or not, so are you.

You may not be one to just say nu to your kids. (A general word that calls for a reply. It can mean, “So?” “Huh?” “Well?” “What’s up?” or “Hello?” It’s like a verbal grunt, useful in a variety of situations.) And you may not kvetch about your boss. (Which literally means “to press or squeeze,” like a shoe that’s too small, but many people now also use it to mean, “complain, whine or fret.”)

You may not even schmear your bagel. (Which originally referred to a spread of cream cheese on a bagel but has extended to anything that can be spread, and in some cases refers to “an entire set or group of related things”, or the expression “the whole schmear.”) But from schmear to eternity, I’d bet my last bit of gelt (a Yiddish word for money, and for the chocolate coins eaten on Hanukkah by some and year-round by those of us that frequent See’s Candy) that words like glitch?(literally “slip,” “skate,” or “nosedive,” which many people now use to mean “a minor problem or error”) or zaftig (plump, but pleasantly so) have crossed your lips from time to time.

You’re speaking Yiddish and you don’t even know it.

Not to belabor my spiel?  (a long, involved sales pitch), or act like a maven ?(which comes from the Hebrew “mevin,” or “one who understands,” but has evolved to mean a know-it-all, and is often used sarcastically) of Yiddish vocabulary, but I’d bet you also use the words klutz?(which literally means “a block of wood,” but is often used for a dense, clumsy or awkward person) and nebbish (an insignificant, pitiful person; a nonentity) without giving them a second thought.

You’re a Yinglish speaker too.

I really don’t mean to be a noodge (to pester, nag, whine or be a pest or a whiner) about this, but chances are good that even somewhat vulgar Yiddish words like dreck (which means worthless material, especially merchandise) and tush (buttocks, bottom, rear end) have crossed your lips from time to time.

So here’s my Hanukkah gift to you: the next time someone asks you if you speak a second language you can tell them you are fluent in Yinglish and you do know more than bupkis (zero, or nothing) about Yiddish.

Share your Yiddish or Yinglish vocabulary words with Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com. Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 3, 2010.

Adult BoyCare

Teenagers Playing Computer Game by Ambro, freedigitalphotos.net

Teenagers Playing Computer Game by Ambro, freedigitalphotos.net

Does the prospect of going to a mall this time of year make the men in your life resemble cranky, whiney, exhausted kindergarteners who are clearly in need of a snack and a nap?

Me too.

I don’t know what it is about the holiday season. The rest of the year my husband hardly puts up a fuss when we need to “go grab a few things at the mall,” but come the end of November he develops a severe case of Shopophobia. He stomps his feet like a wild man and shakes his head like a whirly bird at the mere mention of the words “Nordstrom,” “free gift wrap” or, heaven forbid the dreaded “parking lot.”

To tell you the truth this behavior reminds me a lot of my son-when he was five.

Which is why I was so very amused to read in the Los Angeles Times this week about a shopping center in Germany with a play area for men. BoyCare for men. Brilliant. It’s called “Maennergarten,” as in kindergarten for men. Truly brilliant.

While savvy shopping areas have bars where men get blitzed and women browse boutiques, this program is modeled after kindergarten. According to the travel website www.travel.spotcoolstuff.com, when couples arrive at the mall, the woman drops off her presumably-potty-trained male significant other at the ” Maennergarten.” She pays about $14 to leave him there and goes off to shop till she drops.

And, just like the first day of summer camp, visitors to the “Maennergarten” are given nametags and the women are issued receipts for the men they drop off. “Nurses” serve the men hot meals and cold beers and offer them televised football, power tools and remote control cars to play with.

“Maennergarten” manager Alexander Stein told BBC News “the idea came from a female customer who thought it would be a good way of getting rid of her husband so she could shop in peace. She found it all too stressful and thought this might be the solution. Both were very happy with the way it turned out.”

When I quizzed my husband and some male friends about the idea of a man cave in the mall they were predictably-and scarily stereotypically-enthusiastic.

While several suggested they should have bikini clad dancing girls, some guys had very specific visions for their versions of what would make a “Maennergarten” nirvana.

J thought “topless massages would be a big hit.” K said “it should have a ‘champagne room,” like they have in strip clubs. But the wives pay their husbands’ entry fee.” I’m not sure what that means exactly, but I suspect that laps and dancing are involved.

“Bacon,” said M.

“It should basically be a BEST BUY with wall-to-wall 3-D televisions (one per patron), buttery soft Barcaloungers, video games, every movie ever made on-demand, bikini clad dancers/masseuses/bartenders/therapists serving unlimited all-you-can-eat sushi, tacos, pizza and beer,” said A, who is shockingly still single. “Oh, and it should be sacred ground: No wives, girlfriends or significant others allowed. The only way they can collect their man is to call ahead on their cell phone when they’re done shopping.”

Clearly he’s given this some thought.

But my favorite response of all came from B, who said, “I believe that Habitat for Humanity should set up near every mall, so we could spend several hours helping out our fellow man by building homes for the disadvantaged, while our significant others join in the commercial feeding frenzy: give a little yin to their yang, to insure cosmic balance in the universe, or… bikini clad dancing girls and big screens.”

Mall man cave investors can contact Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com. Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on November 26, 2010.

Noozhawk Talks: Paul Freeman Gives Fresh Voice to Santa Barbara Children’s Chorus

Paul Freeman, artistic director of the Santa Barbara Children’s Chorus, says there a number of reasons the community needs a children’s choir opportunity: “We had 60 or 70 kids audition and maybe 10 percent of them could sing well. Here are a bunch of kids who are clearly interested and they had all done musicals. They had all been doing all of the theater programs in town but none of them had been getting vocal training.” (Elite Henenson / Noozhawk photo)

Paul Freeman, artistic director of the Santa Barbara Children’s Chorus, says there a number of reasons the community needs a children’s choir opportunity: “We had 60 or 70 kids audition and maybe 10 percent of them could sing well. Here are a bunch of kids who are clearly interested and they had all done musicals. They had all been doing all of the theater programs in town but none of them had been getting vocal training.” (Elite Henenson / Noozhawk photo)

Revival of program is first step in plan to give kids more chances to sing

The Santa Barbara Children’s Chorus is getting a gleeful reprieve, thanks to local
businessman Paul Freeman. He didn’t even know of the dormant choir’s
existence when he decided, several years ago, that Santa Barbara needed a
better choral program for children and that he should be the one to give it to
them.

“It was a back-of-mind, pet project/goal of mine for years and I’m excited to be
able to finally do it, and do it in a way where I don’t have to worry so much about
making money doing it,” explains Freeman, a UCSB graduate. He was a child
singer and sang and toured with the Golden State Boys Choir, studied voice with
Peggy Norcross and performed with the Santa Barbara Camarata Choir, UCSB
Men’s Chorus and Mixed Choir and the Santa Barbara Symphony.

As president and owner of Professional Development Partners, a business
consulting firm for high tech companies, Freeman is now in a position to give
back to the community, filling what he sees as a void in student’s musical
training. When Freeman and his wife Tracy–who both grew up in town–returned
to Santa Barbara in 2008 with their two sons (Cole, now 13, and Parker, age 9)
he joined long-time theater friend, Clark Sayre, and has been co-directing the
Spring musical at Dos Pueblos High School for the past two seasons, an
experience which further underscored the need for better music education in
town.

“The weakest area for the kids was singing. We had 60 or 70 kids audition and
maybe 10 percent of them could sing well,” says Freeman. “Here are a bunch of
kids that are clearly interested and they had all done musicals. They had all been
doing all of the theater programs in town but none of them had been getting vocal
training.”

He found that while there were many instrument programs in the elementary
schools, there were virtually no singing programs.

“The original plan was to start up a for-profit choir and then turn it into a nonprofit
once we got it up and running,” explains Freeman, who began teaching in 1984
as Assistant Artistic Director of the Santa Barbara Children’s Theater, where he
wrote and directed musicals “for children, by children.” He continued working with
the Children’s Theater after moving to Los Angeles in 1989, where he
established the West Valley Children’s Chorus, which he ran for several
years.

When he began doing research for the Santa Barbara project, Freeman
discovered the Santa Barbara Children’s Chorus, which was no longer active.
The timing to take over the nonprofit was perfect because it was “out of money
and out of momentum,” while Freeman and his team-which consists of himself
as Artistic Director, and Stephanie Hein Muench as Musical Director-were
ready to pick up the ball and run with it.

Winter session auditions for the non-denominational choir will be held between
10 a.m. and 1 p.m. on Saturday, December 11 at the Unitarian Society of Santa
Barbara, 1535 Santa Barbara Street. If children have an audition song they will
be asked to perform it. However, Freeman emphasized that “it’s an inclusive
group, meaning if you sign up you can get in. We want to make music available
to anybody. The audition process is to help us understand what their skill level
is.”

He is looking to target children in grades 4-8, to give them proper vocal training
before they get to high school. “It’s no secret that money for a lot of that stuff has
been cut. The schools that do have choral programs are funded through
fundraising by PTA or some other outside group. There is very little public
funding.”

Freeman applies his management skills to his plans for the chorus. “Long-term
there are three things that we want to do,” he says. “The first is a fee-based
program with scholarships available. The idea is to try to get anybody who comes
in regardless of skill level or economic situation, and the curriculum is a
combination of group singing, solo singing and music theory.”

The students will be exposed to an eclectic array of music. Inspired in part by the
popular TV series “Glee,” Freeman plans to start a performance choir summer
camp to help attract more kids to the program.

Once the classes get up and running, the plan is to start an all schools choir.
“This would be an outreach program to all the schools that are interested in
participating,” he explains. “We would hold in-school auditions and take five or
ten kids per school, depending on how many kids there are, at no cost to them.
… We would have one rehearsal a month during the school year and then put on
a big, all-school concert at a venue like the Santa Barbara Bowl, the Lobero or
the Arlington.”

The third phase of the evolution will be to develop what Freeman describes as a
music franchise program. “This is being done in other big cities, like Chicago
Children’s Choir has this killer program where they put choral teachers in the city
schools and they bring the whole curriculum of the main program into the schools
as little modules.”

This is clearly a project driven by passion for Freeman, a former professional
chef at some of Los Angeles’ top restaurants, who now serves on the Goleta
Valley Junior High PTA Board and coaches and referees AYSO soccer in his
“spare” time. An admittedly very driven and busy guy, he says, “I always get
asked how do I manage to do all that stuff and I don’t always know the answer.”

Freeman says, “These programs are going to take some time to roll out but the
message I want to get across to people is that there’s some meat on this idea of
what to do with the choir. It’s not like we’re just trying to get some classes
running and that’s it. We’d really like to make this more institutional. I have a lot
of attention on getting it to the point where it’s self-sustaining, where it’s not
reliant on one or two people to make the thing happen, because that’s what
happens in these groups. You see it all the time.”

When asked to come up with three adjectives to describe himself, Freeman says
he’s “optimistic, goal-oriented and creative,” all qualities which will serve him well
in his new choir venture. “It’s sort of a puzzle to figure out and I have pretty high
aspirations for it,” he acknowledges. “If I wasn’t running a business that was
dealing in very huge deals it might seem more challenging. A lot of people would
see this as a big project and a lot of challenges, but for me, compared to some of
the other stuff at work I’ve got going on right now, it’s pretty straightforward. I
feel like it’s doable.”

Originally published in Noozhawk on November 22, 2010.

Gratitude Minus Platitudes

Thank You Computer Key by Stuart Miles, freedigitalimages.net

Thank You Computer Key by Stuart Miles, freedigitalimages.net

“Being grateful may be the spiritual equivalent of Prozac,” according to Dr. Robert Emmons. I couldn’t agree more, which why I’m grateful that it’s almost Thanksgiving time.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays, right up there on the list with National Chocolate Day and the day the clocks “fall back” and we get an extra hour of sleep.

Any day stuffed full of food, family, friends and football is a good day in my book.

But I’ve counted my blessings in this column a few times and realized they don’t really change all that much from year to year, which is a good thing. I am eternally grateful for all of the wonderful people and gifts in my life, but this Thanksgiving I decided to see what some other people are grateful for.

By other people I mean some really famous people–and some not–whose quotes about gratitude might make you smile a little brighter as you toast the turkey this Thanksgiving.

Like Ricky Gervais I am grateful for pajamas, which are certainly handy to squeeze into once you’ve unzipped your pants after a hearty Thanksgiving meal. He says, “I’ve started wearing pajamas out, because they’re more comfortable than trousers. I started out with jeans, then went to sweatpants about ten years ago. Now it’s just pajamas. I’ve gone whole hog. I wore them to the White House.”

“I am grateful that there is life out there for someone who isn’t a scholar,” says Jamie Lee Curtis. “I wear my combined 760 SAT scores like a medal around my neck that ANYONE can make it despite being a round, square, gay, alcoholic, liberal, pampered peg in the proverbial square hole of what is the norm.” Of course having two movie star parents doesn’t hurt, but I get where she’s coming from and am happy to offer a holiday cheer to misfits everywhere.

“Though I am grateful for the blessings of wealth, it hasn’t changed who I am. My feet are still on the ground. I’m just wearing better shoes,” says Oprah Winfrey, who admitted her shoe addiction to a live TV audience but regrettably still hasn’t invited me into her walk-in (and probably bigger than my whole house) closet.

“I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I can call it ‘content,'” says one of my favorite actresses, Lauren Bacall, who is still smoldering at 86.

And finally, some wise words from the Buddha: “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let’s all be thankful.”

Cheers to that and have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

When Leslie’s not counting her blessings, gobble by gobble, she can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com. Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on November 19, 2010.