Author Archives: lesliedinaberg

About lesliedinaberg

When she's not busy working as an editor on a variety of magazine and book projects, Leslie Dinaberg writes feature articles, columns and grocery lists.

Card sharks up the ante at Christmas

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courtesy pixbox77 at freedigitalphotos.net

courtesy pixbox77 at freedigitalphotos.net

It all started with Cady and Sting.

A few years back, Cady Huffman (whom some of you know from her sis-boom-bah’s as a cheerleader at San Marcos High School and some of you know from her va va vooms as Ulla on Broadway in The Producers) sent us a great Christmas card. It was a picture of her with her arms around Sting.

Yes, that Sting.

And the message was perfect: “Happy Holidays, Love Cady and Sting.”

Many laughs later we found out that she had taken the photo backstage at a concert and that Sting had no idea she was exploiting their 20-second friendship. Still it was the perfect holiday card, a simple message that reflects the sender’s personality (Cady knew she was going to be a star long before the critics ever heard of her) and brings a smile to the recipient.

Another favorite was my pal Kim Adelman and the Elvis impersonators. She had spent the previous year writing The Girls Guide to Elvis (still available at your local bookstore) and her holiday card was a virtual travelogue through her adventures in writing the book.

Another perfect card.

With two writers in the house you can imagine the pressure to come up with an annual Christmakkuh missive.

If that weren’t enough, as a Jew and a goy we have to be funny and secular too. Talk about mixed blessings, hmm … how would we illustrate Merry Mazeltov or Schlepping Through a Winter Wonderland?

See, it’s a lot of pressure.

Not that my husband and I haven’t had our moments in the holiday card hall of fame. One year, long before we were married or even thinking about children, we took a cliched family picture by the tree with our then-infant niece in my arms, and a one-year-old nephew on Zak’s knee. The card read: “Happy Holidays, Love Leslie, Zak, Mikey and Nicole.”

You should have seen all the emails we got and the belated baby congratulations from far flung friends.

Zak’s agent event got him extra money on a project because “this guy’s got two kids to support.” It’s nice when Hollywood people take the time to care.

A few years later when we actually had our own child to photograph, I thought we were home free on the holiday card thing.

Year One was an adorable naked baby wearing a Santa hat and holding a menorah.

Year Two was a sweet naked baby playing outside in the pool with some ornaments.

Year Three was a freezing naked baby writing holiday greetings in the sand.

You can only hide behind naked pictures of your child for so long before the police start knocking and you start thinking the therapy bond your friends gave at the baby shower wasn’t such a bad idea.

Thus, our quest for the perfect Christmakkuh card began again in earnest this year.

“We could all dye our hair green,” suggested my husband.

“A great idea, but the Taylor family already did it,” I reminded him.

“We could write a satire mocking all of those bragging holiday letters by telling people all of the terrible things that happened to our family this year,” he said.

“But we’ll never be able to out-bitter the one that Linda Stewart-Oaten did a few years back,” I said.

Good card ideas are hard to come by. Sometimes I think it takes a village to come up with one, which is why I’m asking for your help.

Send your best holiday cards to me at the Santa Barbara Daily Sound, 411 E. Canon Perdido, Suite 2, Santa Barbara, CA 93101.

You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine. That’s right, as a Christmakkwanza bonus, I’ll lay my own holiday cards on the table and send you whatever we come up with in the next few days.

Oy joy! And a very happy holiday to you and yours.

When she’s not spinning her wheels to top last year’s holiday card, Leslie can be found whirling around town doing some last minute shopping, or on email at email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 21, 2007.

One on one with Kate Parker

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left to right): Santa Barbara School Board members Dr. Pedro Paz, Gayle Eidelson, Kate Parker, Ed Heron, Monique Limon (courtesy photo)

left to right): Santa Barbara School Board members Dr. Pedro Paz, Gayle Eidelson, Kate Parker, Ed Heron, Monique Limon (courtesy photo)

Coming up on the tail end of what she calls one of the most “fascinating and stressful years of her life,” the newest member of the Santa Barbara School Districts Board of Education, Kate Parker, took some rare time off to share her experiences.

Leslie Dinaberg: What’s it like to be on the Santa Barbara School Board? Are you the only elementary parent?

Kate Parker: I am. It’s a lot of meetings. It’s hard because I really feel like it’s important to have parents serve on our school boards. They can offer a really unique perspective, especially in Santa Barbara (where the secondary and elementary boards are combined) … but it’s really hard when you have young kids. … I couldn’t do it if my mother (Jan Wharton) didn’t help.

But … I’ve learned so much. I feel like I’m really contributing to our community and it’s just been a fascinating year, and it’s also been the most stressful year of my life.

LD: I would imagine it’s more challenging as the parent at an elementary school because it’s a smaller community.

KP: Once you get on the board, you really quickly get the perspective of the whole district, rather than me being just an Adams parent … when I came on it was really the toughest teacher negotiations that the district had in decades, and I was the only school board member that was on a campus every day picking up kids. So I was having a lot of direct contact with teachers, who are always so kind and respectful of me, but also had lots of questions and concerns.

LD: Did you feel like you knew what you were getting yourself into?

KP: I went to most meetings for two years, so … I understood the business of the board; I understood the way the board ran. What I didn’t anticipate, I think, is how emotional these issues are to so many people and so many people come to the board when there’s a problem. … We do have celebrations … there’s so many great things going on that people will come just for that moment and celebrate, but when they come to speak to the board it’s because they have a concern. … They come in with a lot of misconceptions, and that part I didn’t anticipate. … These people are really upset and I can’t make a decision that’s going to please everybody.

I have to always keep in mind what is best for the students even though that may make everybody unhappy. And so that has been the biggest challenge for me.

LD: There’s a vast difference in the resources that the different schools can bring with parent volunteers and fundraising, especially at the elementary level. Is the board involved in that?

KP: Right now it’s a site level thing, but we certainly have been looking at it, and I think that is a discussion for the coming year.

… You’re starting to create these schools that have very different feels to them. … For me personally it’s starting to feel quite uncomfortable to see this developing and seeing situations where parents will say I’m going to choose that school because look at how much money that they raise. … I don’t like to see that kind of disparity in this community but I’m not sure what the solution is at this point. It’s time to start that discussion.

LD: It’s very challenging, and I can see as an administration not wanting to discourage the generosity of families.

KP: No you don’t want to. What I would personally like to see is more going to the district level to be sure that students throughout Santa Barbara are able to have the same educational opportunities. It is hard enough for us to see because we have these Basic Aid Districts (where school dollars are tied directly to property values) in elementary level right next to us: Cold Spring, Montecito Union and Goleta, Hope District’s about to go. The interesting thing is Santa Barbara is also about to go, we’re probably about three years away from becoming Basic Aid, and that will be nice, but we’re never going to catch up to Montecito.

LD: What do you think are the biggest challenges right now for the district?

KP: For me I’m always trying to keep an eye on what are the goals of the district. The over-arching goal is an excellent education for students. The biggest issue that I see that we’re working with right now, and I feel like we’re working with it quite positively, is our budget. It’s hard enough to be in declining enrollment, but this has been an incredibly difficult year for me to come on the board and see that our business services department has a lot of problems and the budget was not accurate. I feel like I will feel so much better in January. Right now we’re going through a fiscal review with a company called School Services of California … I’m feeling so much better that this review is going on.

LD: What do you feel like has been your biggest accomplishment on the board so far?

KP: Everything feels like it’s so in process right now. That’s one of the things I’ve learned is that it’s actually really slow to make reform happen. … Pushing for the junior high electives to be restored once we knew that there was some money back … I really wanted to make sure that there were services in place for kids this year and not have them be completely eliminated and then we attempt to restore it the next year. … I’m glad that I was able to work with the rest of the board to restore elementary music.

LD: If you could be invisible anywhere in Santa Barbara, where would you go and what would you do?

KP: I would love to be invisible in a closed session of the City Council, see what’s really going on behind the closed doors.

Vital Stats: Kate Parker

Born: June 23, 1967, Clark Air Force Base, the Philippines

Family: Husband Ian, Adam (11), Simon (7) and Nicola (3)

Civic Involvement: Former Adams School PTA President; Current Board of Education Member, Santa Barbara School Districts

Professional Accomplishments: Assistant Librarian, Cate School

Little-Known Fact: Her father was in the Air Force and she lived in Taiwan for five years when she was in elementary school.

 

Originally published in Noozhawk on December 17, 2007: http://www.noozhawk.com/article/noozhawk_talks_leslie_dinaberg_sits_down_with_kate_parker/

Harmony, Hope Abound at La Casa de Maria

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La Casa de la Maria, courtesy photo

La Casa de la Maria, courtesy photo

The halls were decked with boughs of holly and undeniable good cheer filled the air at La Casa de Maria’s holiday concert December 9th. Featuring Christmas carols from the Vocal Point Jazz Ensemble and a reading of the timeless holiday story, “The Gift of the Magi,” from Vicki Riskin and David Rintels, it was an afternoon in perfect harmony with the Montecito center’s peaceful surroundings.

“There is a timeless quality to this gathering and this place,” said Congresswoman Lois Capps about the 26-acre nonprofit interfaith retreat and conference center. Once thought to be holy ground by the Chumash nation, and formerly part of the San Ysidro Ranch, today La Casa de Maria offers a quiet destination for people of all faiths to escape the stress of everyday life and deepen their spirituality through individual and couples retreats in the intimate surroundings of the Immaculate Heart Center for Spiritual Renewal, or in group gatherings throughout La Casa’s campus.

“I’m always mindful, even when I’m far away, that this place is here and will always be here,” said Capps. She told the intimate gathering of La Casa supporters that the story of “The Gift of the Magi,” in which a woman sells her hair to buy her husband a watch chain for Christmas and the husband sells his watch to buy his wife hair clips, is one of her favorite stories. Its theme about the true meaning of gifts serves as a reminder of “what a gift we have in this place. I call it a sacred space,” said Capps, who first became involved with La Casa de Maria when she came to town 40 years ago.

La Casa de Maria is in the process of a $7.7 million capital campaign. Director Stephanie Glatt announced that they have now raised $550,000 toward a $1 million challenge grant, which will be used to pay off the property’s mortgage.

In addition, funds raised by the “Campaign to Preserve and Renew La Casa de Maria” will also be used to renew the conference center’s buildings in an environmentally sensitive manner and preserve their historical and architectural integrity. Along with preservation of buildings, funds will also be used to preserve the ecology of the site, including the creation of a sustainable agricultural site that protects native plants and development of an organic orchard/garden to provide the produce for the dining rooms, and improvement of the overall health of the citrus orchard and native Coast Live Oak grove. Funds will also go toward providing programs and retreats that address the spiritual, cultural and ecological needs of society, as well as building a fund to make scholarships available for programs and retreats.

To find out more about La Casa de Maria, or to donate to the capital campaign, call Stephanie Glatt at 969.5031 ext. 204 or visit lacasademaria.org.

Originally published in Noozhawk on December 16, 2007.

Dear Santa

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cescassawin by freedigitalphotos.net

cescassawin by freedigitalphotos.net

Dear Santa,

I’m not sure if you remember me. It’s been a while since I’ve written. Truthfully, I was giving you the silent treatment, whether you realized it or not, because in all the years I did write to you, you never, ever, ever got me what I asked for.

I always thought it was because I was Jewish and we didn’t have a tree, until someone explained to me that saints couldn’t possibly be anti-Semitic.

But I just found this box of old letters in my parents’ garage, so now I realize that it wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry, Santa. I really am.

I owe you an apology for all those nasty thoughts I’ve had about you. Like when I didn’t get the pink Barbie convertible in 1970 and I drew a Hitler moustache on your picture. Or when you didn’t bring me a pony in 1974 or that purple Camaro in 1979 and I made those little kids cry when I told them you weren’t real. I feel especially bad for all those mean things I thought about you when Captain Awesome dumped me and took Princess Not-So-Nice to the Winter Formal in 1980, when I had already bought my red taffeta dress and everything. Those ex-lax brownies I left you the next year were truly unforgivable, but I’m asking you to forgive me anyway.

See, now I realize it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t get my letters because my mom never mailed them.

I’m sure my mom meant to mail my letters, but she just got busy. You know how it is. I certainly do. That’s actually why I’m writing to you now, and to apologize, of course. See, this year I really need something I can’t find in the stores, or even on the Internet. Believe me I’ve tried. What I really need this year is a clone of myself. I’m not kidding. There’s not enough of me to go around these days.

I can’t keep up with the whole Christmas comparathon competition. It’s bad enough that I’m losing in the cooking and crafting divisions, but then there are the cards. Those daily reminder letters about how perfect everyone else’s family is make me want to scream. “Matt and Karen’s fetus just received early admission to Harvard for 2025,” and my kid can’t even remember to take his backpack out of the car and hang it on the hook in his room! And he’s trying to remember, that’s the worst part.

I’m trying too. I’m trying my very best.

I’ve tried being in four or five places at the same time, but for some incredibly frustrating reason it just isn’t working. I’m always late and half the time, once I get somewhere, I forget what I’m supposed to be doing in the first place.

I’d love to know how you manage to visit every house on Christmas Eve, Santa. If you would share that one secret with me, then maybe I wouldn’t need to ask you for a clone.

Here’s a typical day, yesterday. I needed to go to Koss’s school early, to help with a fundraiser. This meant I had to wake myself up early and get him up and dressed early, none of which bodes well for the rest of the day. Especially since the mom who was supposed to bring the coffee apparently forgot. If anyone deserves a lump of coal…!

I also had an interview scheduled that morning, a doctor’s appointment, we were out of orange juice and it was laundry day, which means my socks didn’t match. Plus, my husband couldn’t find an address he needed and I really had to pee and he was still brushing his teeth.

The rest of a day went by in a similar whirl of stories to write, calls to make, gifts to buy, and emails to answer.

Then before I knew it, it was pickup time and the phone was ringing, and I forgot I was supposed to bring dessert for a board meeting, and Koss had a play date, but he also had basketball practice, said he was starving, couldn’t find his shoes, and I forgot that I was supposed to be at a completely different meeting that afternoon.

Then, just as I finally got him settled at practice and I had a few minutes to organize myself, the person I was supposed to interview the day before finally called me back. Where did I put my notes again? I seem to have misplaced my short-term memory. I know it was around here somewhere.

Anyway, Santa, if you’re still reading, you get the picture. I could really use some help around here. I just found a huge stack of last year’s thank you notes I forgot to mail, along with a letter that Koss wrote to you. I meant to mail it, I really did. But if you get him that puppy he asked for, then we’re really going to have some issues!

What’s on your Christmas wish list? Tell Leslie at email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 14, 2007.

One on one with Paige Shields

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After being a stay-at-home mom for several years, Paige Shields was looking for a way to use her extensive computer skills to reenter the workforce in a child-friendly, flexible and sociable way. Not finding an existing job that fit the bill, in 2005 she created Whiz Kidz computer gaming and education center.

Leslie Dinaberg: When you started out, had you ever seen anything like Whiz Kidz?

Paige Shields: Not really. But there was a shoe store downtown (Global Kids), … they had these game cubes and (my then three-year-old son) Hayden would just turn on like fire when he saw those games, and he didn’t even know what they were. I got to where I would go once a week so he could play the games, but I would guiltily buy the cheapest pair of shoes I could find.

… So much of my life centered on technology that, when he was a baby, I thought I don’t even want him to see a computer until he’s 30. … I wanted him to be a surfer poet and have no computer skills whatsoever… we had a separate office, we tried to keep the door closed all the time, but he was a smart baby. And every time I left that door open he was in my chair at the keyboard.

LD: I remember you told me that he learned his ABC’s easily from playing a Spiderman game, after you spent months trying to teach him the old-fashioned way.

PS: Then I started experimenting with other games, asking him what he liked. … I would help him and he would get frustrated and I would get frustrated. … he would say “Mommy leave me alone. Just let me try.” So, I would walk away for 20-30 minutes, get distracted and I’d come back and he’s passed a level. …I was amazed at that. So that was our first big training lesson at Whiz Kidz: don’t hover over kids.

LD: When you’re learning anything that has to do with computers or technology it’s so hands-on, it’s different than passively sitting in a classroom.

PS: And that’s one reason I think that we can teach our classes to considerably younger kids, is that they don’t even have to be able to read for about 70% of our classes, not that it doesn’t help.

LD: But kids are so much more advanced, the schools keep needing to adjust the technology standards higher.

PS: I think that’s the challenge at Whiz Kidz and computer education in general. One of the reasons it’s so expensive is that it changes so fast, and you’re trying to stay up-to-date. We’re at a slight advantage probably over the schools simply because we are only doing computer education. And I can bring in any expert I think can teach the latest thing … Nine times out of 10 the people who even consider coming to do a class at Whiz Kidz are amazingly great people. … When I ask, “Why are you doing this?” They usually say, “I just think this is a great thing. This is so cool, I wish this existed when I was a kid.” We’re the anti-boredom, anti-testing center. That’s our other name.

LD: Does Whiz Kidz still have a focus on education?

PS: Yeah, absolutely. Now that we’ve expanded (taking over the Captain Video space in the Turnpike Shopping Center), even more so. … The first year was mostly about gaming and birthday parties … then after our first spring break and certainly our second summer when we sold out almost every class, which was phenomenal. …we offered enrichment programs after school for the first time and only one class didn’t fill up in our second session. And that was with almost no advertising because I couldn’t afford it because we were paying for so much new equipment.

LD: What about the film classes? Most kids I know like to make movies of doing dangerous skateboard tricks or blowing things up.

PS: Yes, we’re all over that. That’s what half of the Whiz Kidz movies are, that’s what happens. The first year the film festival came out we took some heat because there were kids playing soldier in their back yard and they had put in realistic sound effects to the water guns … but our only rule was it had to be PG-rated … Mainly our focus is … are you telling a story, are you learning how the program works, how the camera works, how the lighting works … the result is often potty humor or whatever kids do …If you want to know what’s going on in a 9-year-old’s mind, watch the film festival reel.

In the first film class … the very first question… “So what do you use for blood? Jam or ketchup? Do they teach you that in film school?” Oh man. Very first question.

LD: And that tells you a lot. What are the most popular games?

PS: Lego Star Wars is still really, really popular. World of Warcraft, every Star Wars game really, Battlefield 2, Call of Duty and Super Smash Brothers.

LD: What are some of your favorite moments at Whiz Kidz?

PS: My favorite time is when kids are all playing a game together …ten kids all playing the same game at the same time and they just are screaming, you killed me, I’m going to get you. It’s almost chase in your backyard but on computers. I just really love it when they’re so happy and having so much fun and doing something they cannot do anywhere else. It’s awesome.

LD: If you could pick three adjectives to describe yourself, what would they be?

PS: Crazy, jiggly, softhearted, kind of a pushover.

LD: Don’t tell the kids that.

PS: I think they know. I think Whiz Kidz is based on those three qualities (laughs).

LD: If you could be invisible anywhere in Santa Barbara, where would you go and what would you do?

PS: I would probably jump into the ocean naked–I’ve always wanted to do that.

Vital Stats: Paige Shields

Born: Oklahoma City, January 26

Family: Husband John, son Hayden (6)

Civic Involvement: CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), Robo Challenge robotics competition

Professional Accomplishments: Worked for the Department of Defense as a political scientist and database expert in the field of nuclear non-proliferation; computer and database consultant for the private sector; founded Whiz Kidz in 2005

Little-Known Fact: “The thing that the kids are always most shocked about is that I used to work for the Department of Defense and that I have a top-secret clearance. They always go, ‘Wow, were you a spy?'”

 

Originally published in Noozhawk on December 10, 2007

Time to earn your keep

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© Greenland | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Greenland | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I recently spent the day with Lila, a delightful two-year-old charmer who earns her own living simply by smiling and being cute. This got me thinking. If she’s only two and she’s already got a steady income, then it’s high time my eight-year-old started carrying his own weight.

If Koss got a job it would solve a lot of my problems. I keep telling my husband that driving 25 miles to Ojai for brunch doesn’t really count as a vacation. We’d be able to afford much better trips if Koss chipped in. Plus, let’s face it; unemployed kids are a pain the neck, with all the Lego’s and crushed popcorn underfoot and the dirty fingerprints on the walls. This is what jobless children do: they track mud and leaves into your house, they spill orange juice onto your keyboard, and they want play dates and snacks. Trust me, I see this kind of slovenly behavior every day.

Leeching off mom and dad is a way of life for unemployed children, and they’ve got no qualms about it whatsoever.

Enough of this freeloading, it’s time for Koss to get a job. He won’t even have to start at the bottom. Koss has already proved he’s management material. You know how schools and sports clubs try to shamelessly turn children into miniature salespeople? Well, instead of going out and doing his own wrapping paper pushing and raffle ticket racketeering, he’s conned me into doing it.

I’ve got to admit, Koss is an excellent supervisor. He’ll say, “Mom, have I sold enough wrapping paper to get the shiny spinney silly noisy flashy thingee that will break in the car on the way home from school yet?” Then he’ll give me the sweetest little smile that makes my heart melt, so I’ll call up yet another family member and con them into a few more rolls. Then he’ll add in the ultimate sales motivational tool–and give me a big fat hug.

I’m told that in the good old days, when a kid was old enough to make his parents crazy, you put ’em to work slopping hogs or tarring roofs, or knocking on doors collecting for newspapers.

But now, annoying kids are usually sent off to go throw a ball against a wall, or play computer games, which doesn’t do much to help my vacation fund, or our trade deficit with China, for that matter.

If ever there was ever a kid who could benefit from a solid day’s work in a Chinese Gap clothing factory, it’s Koss. Okay, maybe that’s too extreme. He might not make it in a Chinese sweatshop if they don’t serve Red Bulls and goldfish crackers. I’d settle for him putting in a solid day’s work at the Gap in the mall. The skills he’d learn folding all those waffle knit hoodies would sure come in helpful on laundry day.

Of course Koss’d be grumbling and complaining so much that he’d probably get fired the first hour. He’s eight, and already lagging with the work ethic. Maybe the Amish have the right idea, with their centuries-old tradition of having children tend to the fields and work in sawmills.

That’s the problem with trying to make kids work. They start out as babies. Adorable, sweet-smelling, cuddly babies to be sure, but keep in mind, babies are society’s most devious leeches. Think about it. A baby makes the tiniest little peep, and his every need is taken care of. Not only that, babies are praised–actually gushed over–for doing what comes naturally. Everyone oohs and ahs and claps their hands when they pass gas. They say, “what an angel you are” when all they do is fall asleep.

No wonder most eight year olds are so lazy, they’ve been lying around, eating, sleeping and playing since they day they were born.

But children are remarkably well suited for many careers. Why just the other day, my husband and I were out to dinner with our son, and when the server came to take our drink order, Koss spoke right up: “My dad will have a Firestone, mom will have a glass of merlot.” So you can see why we decided to promote him to vice president.

When she’s not being “managed” by her son, Leslie’s usually typing away at email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 7, 2007.

One on one with Wendy Read

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Wendy Read, courtesy CEC

Wendy Read, courtesy CEC

Santa Barbara County faces huge challenges with foster children, especially as they reach their teenage years and it becomes almost impossible to find homes for them. Funded by a grant from the Santa Barbara Foundation, Founder/CEO Wendy Read and her team have been working to create the Children’s Project, which will be the state’s first residential charter school, located on 60 acres of oak-studded hills north of Los Alamos.

Leslie Dinaberg: How did the Children’s Project get started?

Wendy Read: When I was 20 years old, I … was a volunteer with foster kids. I followed a young boy from the time he was six to the time he was 18, … to 27 different placements, including prison, where he spent the last six years of his life.

I was an actress at the time (appearing on TV shows such as “A Team,” “Knight Rider,” and the “North & South” miniseries)… but I realized that my real passion wasn’t acting, it was advocating for change in the foster system. That’s what drove me to go to law school. … There’s really not a day that goes by that I don’t think of that boy and … what would have made his life different. What could we do that would change the trajectory of people like him that are now following through the system.

LD: How did the idea for a boarding school come about?

WR: We received funding from the Orfaela Family Foundation which allowed us to start the steering company and we met once a month … it was all of us sitting around the table saying who are these kids, why are we sending them out of county and how do we bring them what they need.

LD: So at that point there was no specific agenda to build a school for foster kids?

WR: Oh no. … We just said who are the kids, why are we sending them out of town and how do we bring them home.

… We were surprised at how many times our kids moved and how many times they moved out of town, and how many times they were separated from their siblings… We were surprised at how many referrals were made … it made us say we don’t just want to bring them home. We want to bring them home and do a better job of raising them than their parents were.

LD: Why foster children?

WR: There are so many kids to be helped in the county, but there’s a big difference between foster kids and at risk kids and homeless kids or kids that need help. Maybe it’s because I’m an attorney that I see it that way, but we elected the judge that sits on the bench and says to a parent, “You know what, you’re not doing a good job of parenting your children. Based on the values that we as a society have created, you’re not doing a good job. We’re going to take your children away from you and care for them ourselves until you clean up your act.” And in that moment, we not only have a moral responsibility to care for these kids, but we have a legal responsibility to care for them. …We become the parents … fewer than 50% of them graduate from high school nationwide, so we’re doing a pretty bad job of parenting.

LD: Are there other models for this type of school?

WR: A program in San Diego called San Pasqual Academy (www.sanpasqualacademy.org/), which is a boarding school for foster youth, opened our eyes to what is possible. We asked for their advice, and they said they would start in 7th grade, so you could do two full years of remedial work. They talked about starting it as a charter school … to have the flexibility to say if you get reunited with your family or you get adopted, you can still be a day student. The charter school gives us that flexibility.

LD: What about the idea that being in a home is best?

WR: All we’re trying to do is provide an option for some kids that don’t want to be in a foster home or can’t be placed in a foster home, they can’t reunify with their families and would like to get a great education.

…Right now the judge has to say to a parent, “You have six months or a year to clean up your act and you get your child back,” it’s either/or. You clean up and you get your child back 24/7 or you fail and all rights are terminated. We really feel like one of the advantages of the campus is that a parent can start the healing process and still maintain a connection to the child … which is best for the kid if he wants to be connected, but not having the responsibility of having the child live with them, which is what caused those problems in the first place.

My whole thing is I want to stop arguing about where the pillow is at night and make sure the desk is in the same place every day.

LD: What’s the timetable for opening?

WR: With an aggressive timeline, we’re hoping to open in September of 2010.

LD: And the idea is to raise them up through better education?

WR: Exactly. Some of these families, it never occurs to them that the kids could go to college. You start talking about these things and it changes the whole family dynamic and then it changes the whole community dynamic. And then we talk about the ripple effects of this campus …I think this is really an opportunity for the entire community of Santa Barbara to do something that’s going to change things on a national level. That’s what seems to be appealing to people. … The idea is education being a way to solve a problem that we all know is there.

Vital Stats: Wendy Kilbourne Read

Born: June 29, 1964, Hollywood, CA

Family: Husband James, son Jackson (16), daughter Sydney (12)

Civic Involvement: Founder/CEO The Children’s Project; Cate Parents Organization, Current President; Katherine Harvey Fellow at Santa Barbara Foundation 2004

Professional Accomplishments: Cover of T.V. Guide in 1985; Passed the CA Bar 2002; Junior League Woman of the Year 2007

Little-Known Fact: Wendy has her Private Pilot’s License

 

Originally published in Noozhawk December 3, 2007.

With Open Arms: Sarah House

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Sarah House (courtesy photo)

Sarah House (courtesy photo)

While the image of a residential care facility for people who are sick and dying doesn’t exactly conjure uplifting images, a visit to Sarah House is more inspiring than depressing.

“Sarah House is a place where you live your life until the last breath. It’s a celebration of your life,” says Kerrie Kilpatrick-Weinberg, board member of the nonprofit, which opened in 1994 as a home for people with AIDS, and has expanded its mission in recent years to focus on end-of-life care. “You have your family and the things that mean so much to you around. This is important and sometimes gets overlooked when you’re in a larger setting such as a hospital.”

According to executive director Randy Sunday, throughout the past year, 85 percent of Sarah House’s occupancy was for hospice care and only 15 percent for people with AIDS. While anyone designated as “low income” (making less than $27,000 per year) is eligible for care, about 40 percent of the people who live there were previously living on the streets, with no income at all. “These numbers have picked up because awareness has increased in the community,” he says. People often ask if there are conflicts with having formerly homeless people living alongside low-income people, but Sunday says “when you’re sitting in the living room in pajamas, it doesn’t arise; there’s a great quality about that.” He describes the atmosphere at Sarah House as, “not a luxury bed and breakfast, but there are always muffins or fresh granola. For the homeless, it might be the home that they never had. For everyone else, it’s just inspiring. The element of hospitality is something we always want to keep. The unit of care isn’t just the residents, it’s their families and friends as well.”

Working closely with the other end-of-life care agencies in town–such as Visiting Nurse & Hospice Care of Santa Barbara, Doctors Without Walls, Hospice of Santa Barbara, and Cottage Hospital’s Palliative Care Unit–who provide referrals, medical services and counseling, Sarah House offers a warm home for people to live out their days in a caring, extended family atmosphere. Named for the late Sarah Shoresman–her daughter, Linda Lorenzen-Hughes, remains active on the board of directors–Sarah House offers the highest level of medical care in an intimate, eight-bed setting, rather than a sterile hospital environment. “There’s such a need. It’s a special place, and we’re able to offer something to a group of people that may otherwise be forgotten,” says board president Jay Albert.

“We are committed to teaching people to see this as a natural journey, and this is a place to take that journey along with your friends and loved ones,” says board member Nancy Lynn. Part of that community education involves participating in special course on caring for those approaching death. “A lot of people come to the class, it’s not just caregivers but folks who think they might become caregivers at some point and people who have lost someone and want to understand more,” says Sunday.

Sarah House, which doesn’t receive funding from Medicare or Medi-Cal, raises about half a million dollars each year from private sources, individuals, foundations, and special events in order to provide all of its services at low or no cost to residents. The annual events–which include Light Up the Night, an annual holiday party where gorgeous holiday trees designed by local artists and celebrities are auctioned off; an Oscar Party, which celebrates the Academy Awards; and Second Seating Dinner Parties, where members of the community are invited to Sarah House to sit among the residents and learn about the program, among others–are designed not only to raise money but also to help educate people about the organization. “You have to have fun,” says Kilpatrick-Weinberg. “And it’s not making light of the situation. Sarah House is not about dying, it’s about celebrating and living your life right to the very end.”

For Sarah House’s annual holiday fundraiser–“Light Up The Night: The Artizan’s Ball”–on December 8 at the Santa Barbara Women’s Club, dress as your favorite artist or work of art and enjoying live music and special cocktails such as Cosmo Van Gogh. The Oak Group artists will be creating paintings on the spot, to be auctioned off, and many other unique works of art will be available for purchase, along with the traditional holiday trees, designed by local artists and celebrities. Tickets: $100 suggested donation. For more information, call 882-1192 or visit sarahhousesb.org.

Originally published in Santa Barbara Magazine on December 1, 2007.

Shop Till You Drop

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Courtesy of stockimages:freeimages.net

Courtesy of stockimages:freeimages.net

Leslie’s Holiday Gift Guide

While theoretically fun, in reality, shopping for holiday gifts can be more stressful than a root canal. And you don’t get any Percocet afterward, or even a balloon.

Shopping is so painful that, come December, many newspapers and magazines publish gift guides to “help you out.” These gushing depictions of thingamabobs and doodads aren’t just there as an excuse to obliterate the line between advertising and legitimate content so that the sales staff can take the last two weeks of the year off. They’re also published so that the writers can score free samples and cross a few names off their own shopping lists, while still affording their weekly latte allotments.

In the interest of perpetuating this fine journalistic tradition, here is my first annual holiday gift guide of groovy things you can buy without ever leaving the comfort of your own home. (Note to stores: if you send me free stuff I’ll do a sequel for Martin Luther King Day, a vastly under-gifted holiday in my humble opinion)

For your wandering nephew–who really should be sedated whenever you’re forced to take him to a crowded public place–buy a Missing Milk Carton Costume (www.prankplace.com). His cute little face sticks out of the label, and his relevant contact information is printed right on the carton.

Your workout buddy would probably appreciate a waistband stretcher (www.carolwrightgifts.com). This ingenious device allows you to stay a size six through the holiday pig out extravaganza by simply stretching the waistband of your jeans. Diet schmiet!

The office Secret Santa Torturama will be lot less nightmarish this year when you gift your coworkers with a fine collection of abusive office rubber stamps (www.prankplace.com), allowing them to stamp those annoying expense reports in triplicate with sayings such as, “This is F**KING URGENT,” “Staple this to your FACE,” “Confidential – read this and I’ll have to kill you,” “File under T for TRASH,” and “Complete and Utter BULLSHIT.”

Overachieving teenage relatives can multi-task with the SAT Math Shower Curtain (www.alwaysbrilliant.com), which has test questions printed right there. No calculators allowed.

Teenage relatives who aren’t on the college track will enjoy the Crime Scene Towel, (www.baronbob.com) which holds their place at the pool with its classic chalk outline of a victim.

Your brother-in-law will be surprised and delighted by a stylish 100% silk “Ties Suck” Tie (www.thinkgeek.com), featuring a repeating binary pattern that, when translated into ASCII, reads: “ties suck.”

Your geeky brother will totally dig the Wi-Fi Detector Shirt (www.thinkgeek.com), which displays the current wi-fi signal strength to admirers as far as the eye can see. Talk about a chick magnet. You may have a new sister-in-law before the year’s end if he wears this baby.

Coffee addicts will appreciate a shot of Caffeine Soap (www.lazyboneuk.com). Who says they’re not a morning person? Lather up in the morning to a dose of 200 milligrams per shower/serving, which should provide just enough perk to hold off the a.m. demons until they can make their way to Starbucks.

I’ve found the one-size-fits-all perfect hostess gift for holiday gatherings: Pick Your Nose Party Cups (www.perpetualkid.com).

A new spin on the traditional party cup, each goblet comes with printed nose on it so that guests can pick their own nose for an evening of fun. Great stuff like this is why Santa invented the Internet. You’d be smart to stock up.

Your favorite artists will enjoy creating with Chew-By-Numbers Gumball Art (www.perpetualkid.com). No need to worry about mastering a paintbrush or pastels, all they’ll need are their chompers to provide the tools for this wadded-up gum masterpiece. I’m pretty sure this is how Jackson Pollock did it.

Your uncle the lush (and the bouncers at the County Bowl) will appreciate the Barnoculars Binocular Flask (www.after5catalog.com), a double-chambered liquor flask disguised as binoculars. Don’t confuse them with your actual binoculars–let me tell you, it burns.

Those endless soccer games will be a lot more bearable for moms and dads with a Cell Phone Flask (www.after5catalog.com), which looks just like a mobile phone but instead of a charge, holds their favorite adult beverage. Ditto with the don’t confuse them advice.

If you’re feeling really generous, your favorite columnist would kvell to receive a His & Hers Double Portrait in Chocolate by Vik Muniz (www.neimanmarcus.com), featured in the Neiman Marcus Christmas Catalog. For a mere $110,000, the Brazilian artist will capture your likenesses in a double helping of Bosco® chocolate syrup and you’ll come away with a one-of-a-kind framed museum-quality photographic work of art.

As long as we’re dreaming big, I wouldn’t mind reserving my spot on the Virgin Galactic Charter to Space (www.neimanmarcus.com). Boarding begins in 2009 for this ultimate getaway, which is now being “planned, designed, tested, and executed down to the last detail to ensure its safety and success.” The $1,764,000 price tag includes a six-passenger charter, so you’d better send me some nice Hanukah gifts if you want to make my top five friends list.

== When she’s not succumbing to her, “one for me, one for you” holiday shopping survival strategy, Leslie can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on November 30, 2007.

Noozhawk Talks: One on one with David Starkey

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David Starkey (courtesy photo)

David Starkey (courtesy photo)

Spending five minutes chatting with David Starkey is enough to make any writer feel like a slacker. The Poet-Playwright-Nonfiction Author-Editor-Santa Barbara City College Professor-Television Show Host is a busy guy. It’s no wonder that family members–he is a father/stepfather to eight children–mime him typing on a keyboard when they play Charades.

Leslie Dinaberg: What are you doing these days?

David Starkey: Right now I’m working on a book length memoir. … I just finished writing a creative writing textbook, which combines four genres, poetry, drama, fiction, and nonfiction. I have three books of poetry out in the last year and a book, Living Blue in the Red States … that I edited. It’s about progressives living in conservative parts of the country.

LD: Are you able to incorporate it into your teaching at City College?

DS: I haven’t yet. If we had a class on political writing or something like that I might. … I wrote a play about Alzheimer’s. We had a stage reading at this little theatre in Ojai, Theatre 150. …. It is called Crossing the Bar.

LD: Do you have somebody in your family that has Alzheimer’s?

DS: No. I read an article in the LA Times about this camp outside San Francisco where people who are caretakers take their loved ones who live with them up for a weekend so they can get a break, because it’s so overwhelming. … The caregivers are together, the Alzheimer’s patients are together and they finally join up at the end. And a hidden conflict is that this woman has made a deal with her husband that if she finally goes too far she wants him to kill her. So the play is him trying to make up his mind whether or not to go through with it.

LD: Sounds really interesting.

DS: It seemed to me like there was a kind of crazy poetry in a lot of the ways that you hear people with Alzheimer’s speaking. It sounds almost like avant-garde poetry. …

LD: Are you still hosting the Creative Community Show (on Santa Barbara TV Channel 21)?

DS: Yeah, we just won another award. There’s a body that all the community and educational access stations belong to, nationwide, and they submit shows and the last two years it’s won the best talk show in the country.

LD: Congratulations.

DS: Yeah. I’m not sure what the competition is, but it’s a neat thing. … What I enjoy about this is meeting interesting people and getting a chance to talk to them.

LD: Coming from Chicago to Santa Barbara, what’s your take on the cultural arts scene here?

DS: … I think it’s pretty lively for a small town. It’s extraordinary. I know that some of the artists that I speak with say that we’re a community that claims to embrace the arts and yet ultimately it’s more lip service than not. I don’t know. As a poet I don’t really expect to get much money anyway, so it’s not that big a deal to me. There happen to be a lot of people to interview for my TV show, so that’s nice. But I do think that we have a pretty thriving community and even if there are problems.

LD: How do you do all these different things? Do you just never sleep?

DS: I guess I get enthusiastic about things, and I think I’m pretty good at finishing off. So if I have an idea that kicks around with me for a while, I’ll just look for ways to make sure it happens.

LD: Just the fact that you’re showing me these four books that you’ve had published in the last year and the play and you’re in a band (with poet Barry Spacks) and you’re teaching and you have a pretty young daughter, it’s impressive. That’s a lot to get done.

DS: I guess I feel when I get enthusiastic about something I just follow it. And I guess I get enthusiastic about a lot of different things.

LD: That’s great.

DS: And you know a lot of the things that I do are things that can be accomplished in real time in a relatively short span of time. So for instance, to write a poem and to revise it, you can do that in small chunks of time. … I try to make sure that I get a little something done every day. I think that’s important when you’re working on a really long project. When I wrote that creative writing textbook I tried to do that. School inevitably gets in the way, grading papers and stuff like that.

LD: I know how hard it is to work with kids in the house. The idea of writing something where your deadlines are self-inflicted is very impressive to me.

DS: You sort of feel like you want to finish it so badly, because if you don’t do it now you know you never will … there’s obviously gender issues involved in this. When I was with my first wife she worked and I was at home a lot with the kids and while they would ask me for things a little, I think I was able to ignore them in a way that a mom can’t. Or to address them more quickly … I guess that’s partly the way that my mind works. It can focus really intently on a task and then switch off and then switch back on, and I know that some others don’t work that way.

LD: What do you like to do when you’re not working?

(Loud laugh from wife Sandy in the other room) Work.

DS: To me that’s not work. Since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a writer. So that’s what I want to do, that’s my thing. And it might seem like work or it might seem like a way to get me out of this family (laughs).

LD: So seriously, what else do you like to do?

DS: I spent a lot of time on the City College Creative Writing Program where he is the director). I got some release time this year, so we have a website, http://creativewriting.sbcc.edu/ if you could put that in your story I’d be grateful. … I’ve been Fundraising for that. We’ve got some generous donors that put some money in to bring writers to campus to fund contests. …

LD: What kinds of students are in the creative writing program?

DS: There’s a real community college profile–you’ve got the person with the PhD in English literature and the person who’s never written anything who’s just signed up because it fit into their class schedule. It’s always interesting that way.

Vital Stats: David Starkey

Born: June 28, 1962, in Sacramento, CA

Family: wife Sandy, children Elizabeth (23), Carly (21), Stephen (15), Miranda (6) and stepchildren, Serena (24), Andrea (20), Julia (17) and John (10)

Civic Involvement: Creative Community Show, SBCC Creative Writing Program

Professional Accomplishments: Seven small press books of poems, editor and contributor, four full length plays produced, three plays with staged readings, five 10 minute plays, professor of English and Director of Creative Writing program at SBCC

Little-Known Fact: That he has so many children and step children (8 in total)

Originally published in Noozhawk on November 28, 2007