Dear Dear Blank, Please Blank,
You have just surpassed stretching, making sure my DVR is programmed and Facebook as my favorite way to procrastinate.
Keep up the good work, Leslie
I stumbled across a very funny website the other day, www.DearBlankPleaseBlank.com. It’s a site where people write in and fill in the blanks.
You know how sometimes you get really pissed off or frustrated about something and you don’t want to write an entire column about it? Or you would love to write an entire column about it, but you know your editor would never publish it? Or if you did write about it, then you would have to spend the rest of your life worrying that a certain so-and-so who shall not be named might come sneaking in your door at night and strangle you while you were sleeping?
Before now you couldn’t just vent your frustrations, amusement or plain old annoyance any old place. Now you can. This is the perfect site to share all of that pent-up wickedness you dare not say (or write) out loud.
The site was created by Jared Wunsch and Hans Johnson, two Seattle guys in their 20’s with enough sarcastic wit to program animated cartoon villain mustaches onto their pictures when you roll your mouse over their faces. Hans opens his “about me” bio with, “In 1984 my father bought our first computer, it was the original Apple Macintosh. I poured apple juice into the floppy-drive, for which he never forgave me.”
Clearly these are funny guys, but their readers are even funnier, populating the site with “Dear Blank, Please Blank” gems like:
Dear Middle School Boys,
A can of Axe is meant to last you more than one day.
Sincerely, Gagging Middle School Girls
My last name is not Dammit.
I can tolerate Justin Bieber. I can tolerate Twilight. I can tolerate Miley and Demi and Selena and the Jonas Brothers. I can no longer tolerate you. When you’re more annoying than the fans you claim are obnoxious, you’re doing something wrong.
Sincerely, a person who’ll take the actual fans any day.
And one of my favorites,
“Dear The Most Interesting Man in the world,
Join us, and together we can rule the universe.
Sincerely, Chuck Norris and Old Spice Man.
Incidentally, my niece, who got straight A’s last semester, did a rather brilliant (at least according to her parents) college presentation on “The Most Interesting Man in the World,” so clearly these contributors are onto something.
Readers monitor the submissions and vote on which sections the submissions get categorized in. The options include: “How Dare They” (Dear Ex-Boyfriend, Changing your relationship status to “single” on Facebook is not a good way to break up with someone. Sincerely, All you had to do was tell me; “You’re a Douche” (Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn. Sincerely, Stevie Wonder); “Hilarious” (Dear gangsters, I would pants you, but it looks like someone beat me to it. Sincerely, Anonymous); “I Like This” (Dear People of the World, I don’t mean to sound slutty, but please use me whenever you want. Sincerely, Grammar); “Random” (Dear Romeo, I’m gonna fake my own death tonight. Don’t freak out or do anything stupid. Sincerely, Juliet); and “Umm WTF?!” (Dear optimists and pessimists, I don’t care whether it’s half full or half empty, is anyone gonna drink that? Sincerely, an opportunist).
Then there’s my personal favorite, which defies categorization:
Dear person reading this,
You’re here because you’re actively procrastinating or avoiding real work, aren’t you? It’s OK…me too.
Sincerely, I’ll work tomorrow.