Family united, a world apart

At home in Santa Barbara, proud mom soldiers on

Winning her own war against worry on the domestic front, longtime military wife Janet (Barens) Flatebo is keeping the home fires burning in Santa Barbara while her husband, son and daughter-in-law are all stationed in Iraq.

She and her husband, Gene Flatebo, both grew up in Santa Barbara. They met at a Sadie Hawkins Dance at San Marcos High, where her father, John Barens, was vice principal. They fell in love and married soon after Janet’s graduation in 1976.

At that point, Gene was already in the Marines, which he soon left to join the Army. When their twin sons, Luke and Richard, were only 5 months old, Gene was assigned to Livorno, Italy.

“I guess I had to grow up really fast,” said Janet, who gave birth to a daughter, Trina, soon after the twins. “I had three kids at age 21 and we were out of the country.”

As Gene moved up the ranks — “he was in the 82nd Airborne, he was Special Forces, he was in Delta, he was a path finder, he was a jump master, and he was in a unit, it’s called a black unit, kind of like the Delta and Special Forces” — the young family moved with him.

Italy and Berlin were some of Janet’s favorite assignments, she said, “because your friends became your family, and they are still your friends today.”

While most of the Army wives she “grew up with” have husbands who have retired and gone on to civilian jobs, Gene, who retired from the Army 11 years ago as a chief warrant officer (CW2), works for Halliburton subsidiary KBR. He volunteered for Iraq in February and will be there “at least another year.” She plans to rendezvous with him in Greece in August.

Meanwhile, she keeps company with her widowed mother, Jean Barens, and stays busy working as a registered dental assistant for Dr. Michael W. Thompson.

While still difficult, being apart has gotten easier thanks to improved communication. When Gene was in the first Persian Gulf War, Janet recalled, “I got maybe two phone calls from him, they were $50 each. … Now he calls every other day.”

Her son, Luke, an Army sergeant stationed at Camp Victory in Baghdad, and his wife, Tina, a staff sergeant stationed in Remagen in Tikrit, e-mail frequently, and even have Web cameras.

“They’ll be there a year to 18 months,” said Janet. Prior to Iraq they were stationed in Korea.

As difficult as it is to have family members so far away and in danger, Janet treasures her life as a military wife. “It was a great life. I would do it all over again,” she said.

And for others, who are just beginning on that path, she advised them to pray, keep busy and not watch too much TV.

“You have to laugh a lot and always support the person who is in harm’s way. Try not to complain … as they are just as worried about you,” she said.

“Also thank anyone who is in the military … if you know anyone who has a loved one in the military let them also know that you are grateful that they are serving our country and keeping us free.

“I don’t think the military hears that enough.”

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on May 12, 2005.