Tag Archives: South Coasting

Make Mother’s Day Special

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Give mom what she really deserves this year, a weekend of rest and relaxation at one of the Central Coast’s unforgettable resorts, bed and breakfasts or hotels.

Villa Toscana Bed & Breakfast

Fulfilling owner David Weyrich’s vision for a “quintessential wine country retreat,” this Tuscan-style village sits smack in the middle of the Martin & Weyrich vineyard in Paso Robles. Each of the eight suites (named after the vineyard’s wines) has unique Tuscan-inspired decor, and all have huge baths with whirlpool tubs, spacious sitting areas, and balconies overlooking the vineyard. Spa treatments can be arranged in your suite. For the ultimate pampering, rent the Winemaker’s Residence: a 3,500-square-foot apartment with a full kitchen and a private balcony with hot tub. For more information call 238.5600 or visit www.myvillatoscana.com.

Courtesy The Carlton

Courtesy The Carlton

The Carlton Hotel

For a completely different kind of getaway, take mom to the newly restored historic Carlton Hotel in downtown Atascadero. It has a big-city luxury hotel feel (think San Francisco, Boston or Washington, D.C.) without the long flight or parking hassles. The 52 tastefully designed guest rooms reflect the charm of yesterday but have all of the amenities of today, including spectacular spa tubs, 24-hour concierge services, a gym, several excellent restaurants and a roof terrace garden to enjoy. For more information, call 461.5100 or visit www.the-carlton.com.

Suite Edna Bed & Breakfast

Located in San Luis Obispo County’s wine country, this charming restored farmhouse is the perfect B&B for people who aren’t necessarily B&B people. There’s no forced socializing, you have the entire house to yourself, with the option to bring up to six people total (three rooms) in your group. Mom can make herself at home with a good book on one of the two delightful porches and end her day with a relaxing massage in a private garden cottage that’s just steps away. Owner Pattea Torrence is an antiques aficionado, and her attention to detail will please even the most meticulous moms. For more information call 544.8062 or visit www.oldedna.com.

Post Ranch Inn

This luxurious, 30-room Big Sur retreat, designed exclusively “for adults to relax, rejuvenate and nurture relationships,” features a series of redwood guesthouses with views of the sea or the mountains, blended almost invisibly into a wooded cliff 1,200 feet above the Pacific. On-site offerings include everything from yoga to star gazing, with the whole experience designed to preserve a sense of serenity. Known for its oneness with nature, Post Ranch Inn has been described as a “luxury resort that is a playground for the soul.” For more information call 1.831.667.2200 or visit www.postranchinn.com.

Sycamore Mineral Springs Resort

These hot mineral springs, which bubble up amid gorgeous oak and sycamore trees, have rejuvenated thousands of spa guests since 1897. An environment dedicated to healing and renewal, each room and suite has its own private balcony with a hot tub and about half of the rooms have mineral water piped into the tubs.

The treatment center offers an array of hands-on healing therapies, while the yoga institute offers classes in yoga, Pilates, meditation and associated wellness disciplines. The beautiful gardens, labyrinth, walking/hiking trails, and the communal hot springs are also wonderful places for mom to relax and refresh herself. For more information call 595.7302 or visit www.sycamoresprings.com.

Ventana Inn & Spa

Nestled in the heart of Los Padres National Forest in Big Sur, the romantic Ventana resort is a perfect getaway. In fact, when celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Robert DeNiro, Johnny Depp and Keanu Reeves want to get away from it all, they visit these 243-acres of tranquil forest overlooking the Pacific.

The rooms are so gorgeous — with ocean and mountain views, spa tubs, flat-screen televisions and porches equipped with private Jacuzzis and peaceful hammocks — mom may never want to leave. If she does venture out, she can sunbathe, walk or ride horses in the nearby hills, do yoga or tai chi, take a photography lesson or a painting class, or pamper herself with spa treatments.

“There’s nothing that we won’t do for our guests, period,” said general manager Paul O’Dowd.

No wonder the stars like this place. For more information call 1.800. 628.6500 or visit www.ventanainn.com.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Talk about a walk

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Photo by graur razvan ionut (freedigitalphotos.net)

Photo by graur razvan ionut (freedigitalphotos.net)

After 27 years, these ladies think they’ve hit their stride

It’s been said that walking a mile in someone’s shoes fuels greater understanding — so just imagine what walking three miles together, five days a week, for 27 years, will fuel.

In the case of walking partners Judy Bernstein, Beverley Brier, Natalie Gaynes, Barbara Mizes, Blanca Presser and Phyllis Cox (who joined the group in 1998), they’ve shared laughter, friendship, triumph and sorrow. They’ve also seen how the South Coast has changed in the Patterson Avenue/Kellogg School neighborhood they’ve walked for so many years.

“We have been through the many travails all these years, starting with young children, teenagers, college entrance exams, weddings and now grandchildren…” Brier said. “One gentleman who has seen us walking for years said we look like Pacman, the mouths are all going a mile-a-minute.”

The mouths may be moving quickly, but so are the legs. Even our 20-something photographer was huffing and puffing as we took an early morning walk with these dynamos.

Presser and Gaynes started walking together and the others quickly joined in. Bernstein said she started out trying to get in shape for her first trip to Europe, adding that having a group of friends to exercise with is very motivating.

“It’s so long and so boring and so tiring and when you talk, you don’t notice it,” Bernstein said.

“We solve the world’s problems on our walks,” Brier said.

“But most of them are personal,” Bernstein added.

Cox recalled that she joined the group the year before her daughter got married, and had her friends help guide her through the planning. Last week, Mizes was planning her father’s funeral and Brier was helping with a memorial for a close friend.

While the ladies have serious discussions during their walks, sometimes inspired by their lives and sometimes by the changes they see, they also have fun.

Not only have the women formed friendships among themselves, they’ve gotten to know the neighbors. The men at a residential care home wave each morning and let them know if they’re running late, while the neighborhood dogs expect a pat on the head.

“I cannot tell you how many people that I meet at a dinner party who say, ‘Do I see you walking?'” Mizes said.

The sweat is pouring but the banter stays lively throughout our walk.

Some of their husbands wonder how they have so much to say to each other, but Brier said they’re never at a loss.

“If you want to say something you have to jump in,” said Mizes, who once recruited a member (Ginny Alexander, who has since moved) on a flight to London. She even tried to get the Beacon staffers to join.

“We’ll get you through all of the trials and tribulations,” she said. “Every time you think you’ve got a problem, by the time you go through us giving you input you’ll feel better.”

Thanks. We already do.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Labor of love

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SBMA docents often young students’ first exposure to art

Santa Barbara Museum of Art

Santa Barbara Museum of Art

“The most important thing about learning to look at art is that what you feel about it matters. Your opinion is valid. There is no right answer,” is what Santa Barbara Museum of Art (SBMA) Docent Pat Andersons tells elementary school students before she brings them in for tours.

The very first visitors on SBMA’s opening day in 1941 were schoolchildren. Today the Museum serves about 30,000 children per year through its education program, said Spokeswoman Martha Donelan.

Much of the educational programming is carried out by docents, who collectively volunteer approximately 12,000 hours per year, said Andersons, president of the 79-member group, which includes artists, teachers, a married couple who met through the program (Candice Taylor and Paul McClung) and even a retired rocket scientist (Cliff Hauenstein). Docents undergo nine months of rigorous training, as well as ongoing education. Unlike many museums, which use scripted tours, “One of the things that’s so different about our program is that we do all our own research … we select the pieces … it’s a really personal thing.”

Most docents lead tours for both children and adults, but it’s clearly the kids who’ve captured Andersons’ heart. One of the things that fascinated me when I started touring kids is that “a lot of children have never been to a museum … so the concept of original art … makes them almost giddy,” she said.

Prior to the elementary school field trips — funded entirely by SBMA, including the buses — docents visit the school to give a preparatory talk. “(The school visit) is actually one of the most important aspects of the program because not only does it give the children something to look forward to and get them excited about the program, but they feel more comfortable coming here if they know what to expect,” said Andersons.

“… We have wonderful exhibitions and an outstanding permanent collection, but the education program, and the docent programs in particular, are the ways that we reach out to people and let them know what we have and why it’s interesting and what’s cool about it,” said Donelan.

After children tour the museum, they are given souvenir postcards and free tickets to bring their families back to the Museum. Teachers are also given posters and hands-on activities do back in the classroom. The program — which serves schools from as far away as Lompoc and Hueneme at no cost — is curriculum-based, designed to compliment what teachers are doing in the classroom from K-12.

With art programs in the schools being cut, sometimes we’re it, said Andersons. Admittedly, being a docent is demanding, but infinitely rewarding, said Andersons. “We all think we get back much more than we give,” she said.

For additional information about the docent-training program, call Sue Skenderian at 684.6384.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Where Silence is Golden

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The Immaculate Heart Center for Spiritual Renewal

A feeling of tranquility and peace welcomes visitors as they enter the grounds of Montecito’s historic estate, La Casa de Maria, and head up the oak tree-lined driveway to the grand stone house in the center of the 26-acre nonprofit interfaith retreat and conference center. Once considered holy ground by the Chumash nation, today La Casa de Maria offers a quiet destination for people of all faiths to escape the stress of everyday life and deepen their spirituality through individual and couples retreats in the intimate surroundings of the Immaculate Heart Center for Spiritual Renewal, or in group gatherings throughout La Casa’s campus.

La Casa’s property was originally part of the San Ysidro Ranch; then became El Prado Rancho, the first lemon orchard in the area; then later became Rancho El Bosque, which brought the addition of the estate house, designed by architect Mary Craig. The home, which now houses the Immaculate Heart Center, remains mostly intact today, featuring stone quarried from nearby San Ysidro Creek, hand-carved teak ceilings, distinctive Italian fireplace mantels, and courtyard tiles from Spain.

“It is a very prayerful surrounding,” says Carol Carrig, the center’s director since 1997. Offering a spiritual bed and breakfast getaway, with delicious organic meals made from produce grown on the property and prepared by the Immaculate Heart Community of former nuns, guests often start out visiting for a few days, then come back again for longer retreats. “They realize that they’re getting in getting in touch with the deeper things that are going on within themselves,” says Carrig.

But beneath the peace and solitude of the center lies a long and storied history, not just of faith, but also of integrity, determination, and vision.

In 1943 Novice Mistress Mother Regina McPartlin, along with 12 novice Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, turned the estate into a Novitiate, where young women train to become nuns. While they pursued religious life on La Casa’s grounds, the peaceful surroundings were also gaining a reputation in Hollywood. Stars such as Irene Dunne, Loretta Young, and Ricardo Montalban came for retreats, holding prayer services in the Novitiate by day, while staying overnight at the Biltmore. In 1955, La Casa de Maria Retreat House formed and became the first retreat center for Catholic married couples. “Every weekend for probably 15 years, 40 married couples came to La Casa. The priests said mass for them, gave them conferences, they renewed their marriage vows, and had wonderful weekends,” says Stephanie Glatt, director of La Casa de Maria.

During the 1960s, there were conflicts between James Francis McIntyre-the Cardinal Archbishop of Los Angeles who oversaw the Immaculate Heart community-and the sisters’ understanding of the Vatican’s directive to update the church for contemporary times. “McIntyre said, ‘either follow what I say or give up your vows,'” recalls Carrig. “So that’s what we decided to do. To remain a community and to follow what we believed should be the right direction-but everybody had to give up their vows.”

The sisters took the revolutionary step of evolving into the Immaculate Heart Community, an ecumenical group of men and women, both single and married. Rather than fall apart, as many predicted, the Immaculate Heart Community has stayed together and thrived, with almost 200 members still active around the world. The community has operated the Immaculate Heart Center for Spiritual Renewal since 1974, opening its doors for private retreats for people of all faiths.

“It feels like a holy land. Not like Christian, I mean it just feels that the meditation, the peace, the quiet there is special,” says author/psychotherapist Alyce Faye Cleese, one of La Casa’s patrons. She calls the sisters “renegade nuns,” adding, “their story, for their day as women, was an extraordinary piece of women’s lib really-their courage and their bravery and their saying, ‘We’re women, we can do this and we will survive.'”

Today La Casa offers a wide array of programs, such as 12 Step Retreats; the Sacred Art of Living and Dying (for caregivers); Kaballah (Jewish Mysticism) (Jewish Mysticism); Waking up on Earth: Spiritual Life in a Time of Crisis; Centering Prayer Practice Retreats; Recovering Religion as a Work of the Imagination; and Capacitar, which combines Tai Chi, meditation and other practices that integrate spirituality and body wisdom.

In 2005, the Immaculate Heart Community bought back the entire property and is now in the process of a $7.7 million capital campaign. In addition to paying off the mortgage, they also plan to renew the conference buildings, preserve the ecology of the site-including the creating a sustainable agricultural site that protects native plants; developing an organic orchard/garden to provide the produce for the dining rooms; and improving the overall health of the citrus orchard and native Coast Live Oak grove-and develop additional La Casa-sponsored programs. “Part of that is our plan to integrate La Casa de Maria with the greater community and have more people understanding what we’re doing and supporting our program,” says capital campaign chair Christine Garvey, a retired banker. “We’ve mobilized a lot of the neighbors.”

One “neighborly” recruit is capital campaign cabinet member Joan Kreiss, a physician who did AIDS research in Africa before moving to town seven years ago. “What I love about La Casa de Maria is its rich sense of history,” she says. “For our family-and this is particularly important for my children-living next door to La Casa de Maria… gives a sense of context, a sense of being part of a historical continuum.”

“It’s kind of like Peter Pan, you have to believe,” says Cleese. “Not in God, just believing in the goodness of people and the goodness of nature and that something (like La Casa de Maria) is worth existing.”

For more information on La Casa de Maria, call Stephanie Glatt at 969.5031 ext. 204 or visit www.lacasademaria.org.

Originally published in Santa Barbara Magazine

First Time Home Buyers: The American Dream … the South Coast Reality

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Google maps photo

Google maps photo

Breaking into the local real estate market is tough but not impossible. Leslie Dinaberg explores who’s buying for the first time and how.

Practicality, frugality and focus were the key values that got Jonathan and Kara Rocque into their first home, at 7126 Del Norte Dr. in Goleta. Both UCSB graduates, the Rocques lived in a one-bedroom apartment and didn’t really upgrade their lifestyle much after college in order to save money for a house.

They started making offers right after they married, about 2-1/2 years ago, but Jonathan said he wasn’t really ready to buy until recently. “People always say ‘get in as soon as you can,’ but … at the same time, I really have no regrets not getting in any sooner because I wasn’t ready.” An engineer, he said he worked for a start-up company and was worried about job stability.

“I think I got to the point where I gained more confidence in myself and that things were going to be okay,” said Jonathan, who now works for Indigo Systems, which recently merged with FLIR Systems.

When he felt really ready to buy, Jonathan had the willing assistance of his father, John Rocque, a realtor and mortgage broker in San Dimas.

Another factor that kept the Rocques from buying quickly was their expectation of what they would be able to afford. “We started thinking that we wanted our dream home out of the shoot, and I think that’s what delayed our purchase, probably,” said Jonathan.

The three-bedroom two and a half-bathroom home the Rocques eventually bought this year for $659,500 has a studio apartment (garage conversion) on the property, a big selling point. “We were looking at these two-bedroom one-bath cottages and went, I just can’t do it. There’s got to be something out there that’s better because it doesn’t leave us the flexibility to grow,” said Jonathan. “When we saw this place with the studio I just thought ‘Oh God, couldn’t be better.’ I could give up the garage and take the extra income that will definitely help.”

Kara noted the backyard had a shed for storage, making it easier for her to give up the garage space. Being able to have a vegetable garden was also important to her, as was the school district. “Basically any school in Goleta, I’m totally comfortable with,” said Kara, who teaches first grade at La Patera.

The Rocques also knew what they didn’t want: no condos and no commuting. “The whole reason we live in Santa Barbara is the lifestyle,” said Jonathan. “I ride my bike. I love the mountains. I love riding by the ocean. I love the weather. I value my time … I’m not going to drive an hour each way to work. I’d go somewhere else where I could live close,” he said.

“I don’t think either one of us ever wants to move into one of the new developments because they’re so crunched together,” added Kara. “Yeah they look pretty, they’re nice and new, but to me this has more character than those houses. You can paint it whatever color you want to paint it; you can do whatever you want with your yard.”

While the Rocques would eventually like to move to a larger house, they are fixing up their yard and treating the house like a home.

“It’s not short term, but it’s not forever,” said Kara.

“This house easily gets us ten years,” said Jonathan. “If we wanted to, at some point we’ll refinance and we could reclaim that space (the studio).”

And as for the realities of being able to afford to stay on the South Coast, they credit much of their success to Patrick Flood, the financial consultant Jonathan began working with when he graduated from college. The Rocques said they feel both blessed and proud to be able to get into the housing market

“I like taking on challenges too. I took a major in college … that was challenging. And staying in Santa Barbara was a big challenge, but I was going to do it. I was really, really happy that we could,” said Jonathan.

Added Kara: “If we can do it here then we can do it anywhere.”

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Cantor Baby

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Image by digitalart, courtesy of freeimages.net

Image by digitalart, courtesy of freeimages.net

December is one of the cruelest months for Jews.

Sure we have Hanukkah to celebrate our urge to shop, and latkes to indulge our genetic urge for carbs, and we can decorate in blue and silver to our hearts’ content, but the one thing we’re lacking in is carols. Let’s face it, other than “Oh Hanukkah,” and Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song,” there aren’t a whole lot of Hanukkah hymns on the airwaves.

Rather than kvetch and whine about the lack of Chanukah chants this holiday season, I decided to do something about it. As with all things Jewish and musical, first I turned to my Cantor for inspiration.

Cantor Baby (to the tune of “Santa Baby)

Buh-bum.. buh-bum…

Cantor baby, slip a table under my knee, for me.

I’ve got an ache in my neck, Cantor baby, so hurry the masseuses tonight.

Cantor baby, a Jaguar convertible too, teal blue.

I’ll wait for you with the bells, and Sven and Nels.

Cantor baby, so hurry the masseuses tonight.

Think of all I’ve sacrificed, think of all the stuff I bought sale-priced. Next year I could be just as thrifty, if you’ll check off my Hanukkah listy,

Cantor baby, I wanna sunny vacation spot, oh yeah.

And really that’s not a lot, been an angel all year.

Cantor baby, so hurry the masseuses tonight.

Cantor honey, there’s one thing that I really do need, a maid, who can cook matzo ball soup, doo doop.

And clean up after my kid, which is a pain in my neck.

Oh heck.

So hurry the masseuses-I’m not talkin’ mezuzahs-hurry the masseuses tonight.

My own family did not inspire this next little ditty, I swear.

Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go (to the tune of “Let It Snow”)

Oh the fight we had last month was frightful.

But hashing it over is so delightful.

It’s finally time to end the row.

Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping.

And I’ve bought some corn for popping.

So much for family drama.

Can you just let it go, mama.

My last nerve is about to blow.

Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

When we finally kiss goodnight.

How I’ll hate going home if you’re mad.

But what’s a holiday if there’s not a fight.

It’s what we call communication.

And venting our seasonal frustration.

But as long as you love me so.

Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

My family didn’t inspire that last one, but this one sure brings back memories. Of course all of the snow at my Grandmother’s house in Beverly Hills was fake and came from Niemans.

Noshing Through the Snow (to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Noshing through the snow, in a big safe Grand Marquis.

O’er the roads we go.

Driving so slowly.

Bells on cell phones ring.

Dad thinks of the gelt.

What fun it is to laugh and sing and watch the chocolate coins melt. Oh, Grandma Kvells, Grandma Kvells.

Futzing all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to ride in a family car all day, hey.

Grandma Kvells, Grandma Kvells.

Futzing all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to ride in the family car all day.

And finally, my personal favorite. I’m sure you’ll be hearing this on NPR soon, right after “Oy, Come All Ye Faithful” and “Little Drummer Goy.”

We Wish You a Merry Mazeltov (to the tune of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”)

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov and a Happy New Year.

Good tidings we bring and a hot brisket too.

Good tidings for Hanukkah and some pastrami too.

Oh, bring us some lox and bagels.

Oh, bring us a smidge more kugel.

Oh, bring us some Matzo Ball Soup and a cup of Manischewitz.

We won’t go until we get full.

We won’t go until we get full.

We won’t go until we get full, so bring some more food!

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov and a Happy New Year.

==

Merry Mazeltov to all of you. Send your Hanukkah hymn suggestions to Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com .

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 8, 2012.

Jungle Mom

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Photo by Sura Nualpradid freedigitalphotos.net

Photo by Sura Nualpradid freedigitalphotos.net

I pity the first girl who stomps on my son’s heart.

I realized something about myself recently and it’s not very pretty. I may be an anti-violent, NPR-supporting, bleeding heart pacifist in theory, but when it comes right down to it-I would kill to prevent my son from suffering heartache.

I may not be a tiger mother, but I’m a jungle mom nonetheless. It stuns me how quickly I turn into Mama Bear when something threatens my cub.

When he was younger, I was mostly fixated on doing everything in my power to help my son avoid physical pain. Implanting a GPS tracking device and a boundary collar always sounded perfectly reasonable to me. It was only my husband’s mockery that prevented me from sending Koss out to play in full body armor. I would have wrapped him in Charmin from head to toe, like that kid in the old commercial who goes out to play football and practically tips over from all that cushiony padding.

I was always jealous of the mom in that commercial.

My imagination splinters into a million fearful little pieces whenever I think about anything bad happening to my son.

But now that Koss has successfully survived enough banged up knees and bruised elbows to keep the Band-Aid and Bactine business booming for years to come, it’s his emotional pain that keeps me up at night.

The fact is we’re still warming up to puberty, so at this point his hurt feelings dig much deeper into my overactive imagination than they do into his psyche. I will often still be reeling over some playground slight or hurt from weeks back when Koss wants to invite that very same kid I’ve been mentally murdering over to play.

Pesky old reality is no match for the mind of a mother.

Just thinking about the prospect of his many broken hearts to come is enough to make me growl.

I can’t help myself. Just thinking about that future girl who will someday make him cry drives me nuts. I want to kill her. I want to rip her to shreds. The mere thought of that girl transforms me into every single awful parent-of-an-only-child stereotype, though some might call me a murderous lunatic.

Gee, I hope his future girlfriends never read this column. That would be awful. Just awful.

Karma’s a bitch, and I certainly had my moments. As a former teenage girl, I know just how mean they can be.

Plus the fact that my genetic eggs are in this one and only one precious basket makes me guard it all the more zealously.

But here’s the rub. As a parent I’ve found that it’s almost impossible to try to comfort someone and develop their character at the time. With girlfriends and husbands, your job is just to listen and be supportive and hate whomever they hate at that moment. In those cases it’s easy to blame it on the other guy.

But when you’re comforting a child you sometimes have to fess up to the fact that it’s not always the other guy’s fault. Human relationships are complicated and they’re only just beginning.

Kind of makes me wish for the good old days when I would dream up tactical scenarios of how I would jump into the lion’s cage at the zoo to rescue my son.

When Leslie’s not busy cocooning her son in bubble wrap she can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.  Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on July 20, 2012.

Crazy Busy or Just Plain Crazy

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jesadaphorn, freedigitalphotos.net

jesadaphorn, freedigitalphotos.net

As I write this first sentence, I’m on hold with my insurance company-again. I’m also listening to phone messages, soaking my whites in bleach, taping an episode of “Next Food Network Star,” stretching my quads, doing a few Kegel exercises and sipping my coffee, which I know is bad for me again this month, because I read it in “Prevention” while I was standing in line at Vons this morning.

It’s taken years of practice, but I’ve finally ratcheted my level of multitasking to “Rock Star,” and now I find out that there’s some new research that says multitasking actually slows you down. I had to push my 1:15 ’til 2:30 and ignore my email, but I managed to get myself to the library to get a peek at psychiatrist Edward Hallowell’s book, “Crazy Busy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap! Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD.”

You don’t think I have time to actually buy and read a book about busyness, do you? But I skimmed it, for free, and I really tried to focus on the book, and only the book, during the 13 minutes I calculated it would take the meter maid to get to my illegally parked car.

The good doctor, who specializes in Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), says that it is literally impossible to pay conscious attention to doing more than one thing at once. Instead, you end up paying conscious attention to several tasks in succession, and not doing any of them very well. When you switch your brain between tasks you end up wasting, rather than saving, precious time because your brain continually has to restart and refocus.

Are you kidding me? And here I was thinking it might be time to have another baby now that there’s a breast pump with a car adaptor (the Pump in Style) on the market. Just don’t drive over any bumps while you pump.

My husband-who would never dare to sully the experience of watching ESPN by matching a pair of socks, even when they accidentally whack him on the side of the head-has sworn by the do-one-thing-at-a-time-theory for years. Has hell finally frozen over? If not, he can’t possibly be right.

And yet, other experts also support the movement towards uni- tasking. A study at the University of Michigan found that multitasking leads to expensive “time costs.” Team leader Dr. David Meyer says that the additional time required to switch between one task and another tends to increase with the complexity of the chores involved. And that over the long run, the time required to make these switches may lead to a 20 to 40 percent decrease in actual productivity.

A 40 percent decrease? I can’t afford that. As much yammering as I do about how busy I am-and I am actually pretty busy-the reason that I need to multitask is to make sure that I also have time to read novels, catch a movie once in a while and take a long lunch with a friend.

Sometimes I’m almost embarrassed to admit that it’s more important to me have a social life than it is to have a clean house or actually bake the cookies myself. Sometimes there’s this undertone of bragging or one-upmanship when people, especially moms, talk about how busy they are. And I’m always a little self-conscious that I, as the mother of one, will never be as busy as my nut job friends who have four or more children. But I work! C’mon, give a girl a few points.

Of course the trouble with writing about busyness is that it makes you even more hyper-aware of how you spend each moment. It’s exhausting. If I didn’t have to change the laundry loads, write a speech, pick up the trash, and take out the kid, I might take a nap.

Why not find out if you can walk, chew gum, and send an email to Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com at the same time? For more of Leslie’s columns visit www.lesliedinaberg.com.  Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 22, 2012.

Eat, Drink and Be Married

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Photo by Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee, freedigitalphotos.net

Photo by Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee, freedigitalphotos.net

Chatting with Author Rebecca Bloom

“What is it about wedding preparations that makes the ordinary tasks usually taking a woman from bed to bath, to bra, to base, to bagel, to bag, to butt-on-the-seat-of- the-car in 28 minutes flat, suddenly expand, exhale and evolve into hours upon hours of careful mirror observations and highly scrutinized tinkering?” writes Rebecca Bloom in her new novel, “Eat, Drink, and Be Married.”

I’m giggling as I read these words (So very true!) and laughing even more as I speak to their author, who is sneaking in our phone call during the precious naptime of her two-year-old son. Along with some of the laugh-out-loud-in-recognition scenes in her book, this is yet another thing about Rebecca Bloom that I can relate to.

Expecting her second child in the fall, Rebecca chats easily about writing, kids, tequila and the birth of “Eat, Drink, and Be Married,” her third novel. Here are some highlights:

Leslie Dinaberg: I really enjoyed the book. What was your inspiration?

Rebecca Bloom: I had been going to a lot of weddings and I was noticing that there is so much else that goes on around the wedding. There’s such a heightened sense of emotions for everybody. I wanted to write something that explored not just what the bride and groom were going through but what the guests themselves were going through. Weddings bring out a lot of different kinds of things for people and I wanted to explore those things.

LD: I was really struck by the coming together of the college friends who got back into their old dynamic so quickly and reverted to their old selves. Was that your experience?

RB: With my girlfriends from college, we have this shorthand that it doesn’t matter how long it has been since we’ve talked or how much has happened, the minute we’re together there’s not a lag, we don’t really have to catch up. There’s an instant repartee and there’s an instant sort of comfort and camaraderie. I wanted to put that in the book because I do think that in college you form such intense bonds because you’re with people 24/7 and you don’t really have time past college to ever really do that. … I wanted to capture that because I think it’s the case for a lot of people that the old friends sometimes are the ones that know you the best.

LD: A while back my husband and I were in that wedding a weekend phase and we sort of became the wedding critics. What do you think makes a really good wedding or a really not so good wedding?

RB: It is funny, when you write a wedding book everyone thinks you’re an expert on weddings but it’s sort of just your own opinion.

I think the best weddings are the weddings that really represent the bride and groom and you can tell that they really planned it for themselves and not for their moms and their friends. It’s really all about them. And those are often the most fun.

Our wedding had a lot of tequila and that really made it fun (Laughs). … I think the ones that are the best are the most relaxed and represent the couple-not just the bride.

LD: Were you married when you wrote this book?

RB: Actually I wrote this book, the first draft of it, when I was single. I wrote this wedding book and then I met my husband. So we’re sort of like that movie “Field of Dreams,” where the whole thing is like if you build it he will come. (Laughs)

LD: And now you have a husband, a young son and another on the way. How do you write and juggle all of that?

RB: Not as well as I would like. I am trying to start writing something new and it’s just hard. It’s hard to find the balance. … You just do the best you can. I can’t do everything all the time. And I can’t do it very well. My kids right now are the most important and that’s okay for me for right now.

LD: Not only are weddings fraught with drama, they’re also a huge business. Was that sort of marketing angle in your mind when you developed the story?

RB: I definitely knew … that there might be more avenues open maybe for publicity or marketing but I didn’t really think about that when I was writing it.

As I’ve gotten older though and as I end up starting my next book I’m thinking about that more because I want to make a living and I want it to sell and so I’m letting that come in a little bit. I have a bunch of ideas, so I am thinking which one is the most marketable and I’ll go with that.

But I’m not writing about zombies or anything (Laughs).

LD: I don’t know, a vampire, shades of grey, zombie wedding book with a historical twist could be huge.

For more information about Rebecca Bloom, visit www.rebeccabloom.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.  Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 8, 2012.

The Neurotic Parent Comes to Santa Barbara

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The Neurotic Parent's Guide to College AdmissionsSome people say that getting your kid through the college application process is a lot like childbirth-you have to experience it yourself to really understand it. Unlike with childbirth, where the endorphins kick in and make you forget most of the pain once you hold that precious baby in your arms, the only chemicals associated with getting your child into college are stiff drinks (for the parents) and plenty of aspirin. Luckily, we can now add a healthy dose of laughter to the college admission cocktail, thanks to J.D. Rothman’s new book, The Neurotic Parent’s Guide to College Admissions. With a sassy, sarcastic style that reminded me of The Official Preppy Handbook, Rothman does a spectacular job of skewering the collective craziness that overtakes otherwise rational people during this phase of their lives. At the same time, it’s not just funny but also provides valuable insights and incisive anthropological observations into the process. “There’s a collective neurosis kind of thing that takes place for parents during this time of their lives,” explains Rothman, who is an Emmy-winning television writer and lyricist in her other work life. After an eye-opening college tour with her older son (now a junior at Duke), she started the anonymous Neurotic Parent Blog as a way to reflect on the nutty parents who had “started their kids in college preparatory programs in the fifth grade,” as well as the “thousands of shockingly bright, polite, alert students, all of whom were vying for her son’s (or your daughter’s) spot.” Up until that trip, she had “no idea there was this level of insanity about the college admission process.” The blog quickly caught on and went viral after a post about Cornell’s hotel’s ugly bedspreads. Rothman admits that she too got caught up in the craziness. Some of the other students had out of this world accomplishments, like “discovering galaxies,” so she wondered how her son would ever compete. Like many parent trips, the first one you feel during the college application process is guilt. Rothman writes, “Clearly it is all your fault. While you were letting your child engage in normal activities like summer camp, babysitting and bowling, other kids were interning for their senators, training seeing eye-dogs and starting hedge funds in Sri Lanka. As a result, for every impressive kid, there are 50 even more outstanding ones.” She observes that even parents who were “not neurotic about other things like eating and sleeping still became neurotic about the college admission process. … Thankfully it is usually not both members of a couple,” she laughs. “Thankfully” is right. Though I often want to give therapy bonds as baby shower gifts, this book will make a pretty good substitute. Laughter is clearly the best therapy for Rothman, who offers up an amusing “prayer for the SAT” (please protect me from mis-bubbling and using passive voice, bless my number two pencils and protect their points), two pages of “haikus for the neurotic parent” and an entire chapter about “barista readiness” (a college degree is fine, but at the end of the day, they’d better know how to prepare a venti, sugar-free, nonfat, vanilla soy, double-shot, decaf, no foam, extra hot, peppermint white chocolate mocha). Asked if her current book tour has made her more or less neurotic, Rothman, who will appear at Chaucer’s on Sunday at 2 p.m., says, “definitely more, but now I’m neurotic about selling books.” Of course it doesn’t hurt that her younger son was recently accepted into his “dream school.” Unlike the rest of us there will be no more college applications for her to deal with in the future-unless the kids don’t like being baristas and want to go to graduate school. The upside? That might mean there’s another book in her future, and ours. Since my son’s only in seventh grade-and hasn’t, to my knowledge, written any symphonies or cured any diseases-this is definitely one book I plan to keep on my shelf for future reading. As Rothman says in her “orientation to college angst,” “whether you have a kindergartener or a 12th grader, may your child’s search be full of multiple acceptances, generous merit scholarships and chill roommates.” If they’re not, may you at least retain the ability to laugh at it all! = Spend your tax day in a lively reading and conversation about the insanity of modern college admissions at Chaucer’s Books, 3321 State St. Sunday, April 15 at 2 p.m.

When Leslie’s not stressing about her son’s lack of Olympic curling credentials, Mandarin language and Ethiopian cooking skills, she can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visitwww.LeslieDinaberg.com.  Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on April 13, 2012.