Tag Archives: LeslieDinaberg.com

The gift of charity

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It’s hard to avoid the symptoms. “I want that.” “Mommy/Daddy/Grandma, buy me this and this and this…”

Here are some ways to help prevent your child from coming down with an annual case of “the gimmes,” and maybe even provide a little bit of instruction about the true spirit of the holiday season.

Start in your coat closets. Pull out all the old coats your children have outgrown or you don’t wear anymore and take them to Casa Esperanza (816 Cacique St., 884.8481), Transition House (425 E. Cota St., 966.9668) or the Santa Barbara Rescue Mission (535 E. Yanonoli St., 966.1316).

Or better yet, get your friends in on the act and host a coat party. Have guests bring coats that are used but still in good condition. Put younger kids to work cleaning out pockets and using masking tape to mark areas that need to be mended or buttons that are missing. Help older kids sew buttons and do simple mending. Other kids can decide which coats might need dry cleaning and which are ready to go. It’ll be a celebration sure to give everyone a warm feeling.

Another variation of this is to have a food party. Ask your guests for canned food and have children help pack it up for the FoodBank of Santa Barbara County (4554 Hollister Ave., 967.5741). You also can host toy or book parties along the same lines.

Sponsor a needy child or family. Transition House has more than 130 children to be “adopted” this Christmas, said volunteer coordinator Xochitl Ortiz. Interested sponsors can call her directly at 966.9668 x115 to receive a wish list from a child or visit the shelter at 425 E. Cota St. and pick someone to sponsor from the “Giving Tree,” where ornaments list a child’s name, age, and wish for something he or she would like for the holidays.

“We can definitely use all the Secret Santas that we can get,” Ortiz said. “We have almost twice as many people as we did last year or the year before.”

For those unable to make two trips to Transition House and want to just buy a toy, Ortiz said popular requests this year are Bionicles, Hot Wheels, My Little Pony, Video Now Players and Cabbage Patch kids. Wrapping paper, tape and ribbon are also needed.

You can also sponsor an adult, “by maybe donating a gift card to like Macy’s so that they can get work clothes after the holiday sale,” said Ortiz. “We’re hoping to get everything in by Dec. 20, only because if someone doesn’t get adopted, it gives staff enough time to go out and shop for that family or that individual.”

The Salvation Army (4849 Hollister Ave., 964.3230 x13) also has a similar program, with about 120 more families waiting to be “adopted” for Christmas. Working from a “wish list,” sponsors buy each child in the family a new, wrapped gift, one clothing item for each member of the family and a food or grocery voucher for Christmas dinner.

“You can even request a certain age group of children and we’ll try and match it as closely as possible,” said Lt. Stacy Cross, who asked that all items be brought to the Salvation Army by Dec. 17. There are also “Angel Trees” (similar to the “Giving Trees” described above) at most of the Santa Barbara Bank & Trust branches, La Cumbre Plaza and toy drives at seven of the local Longs Drugs locations.

Another way to give to the Salvation Army is making cash donations to bell ringers. Young children enjoy putting coins in the kettle and it’s a good chance to explain to them that the money goes to help people who are less fortunate.

Laurie Jewell Evans suggested this is also a good opportunity to teach children about budgets. Decide how much money you will donate this year, then put that money into an envelope in small bills and coins and keep it in your purse.

“Then, every time my daughter and I pass a bell-ringer, she can take a coin or bill from the envelope and donate it, until all the money is gone,” she said.

Another way to donate your spare change is through San Marcos High’s annual Penny Drive to benefit Unity Shoppe. Canisters are located at most of the local schools. You can also drop off your dollars and cents at the South Coast Beacon, 15 W. Figueroa St.

Sometimes all it takes is just a reminder of just how fortunate we are to put the holidays into perspective for all of us. Ortiz shared this story from Transition House.

“It’s not an over the top Christmas … when it’s a family as a unit that’s homeless, it can become quite a hard time for them to have to spend at a shelter. The parents get depressed because they feel like they’ve failed. The kids feel discouraged because they have to go back to school and tell their friends what they got for Christmas and they’re worried they might not get anything. And a lot of them don’t tell their friends they are staying at a shelter.

“It’s a really tough time for them, so we try to alleviate that … we surprise them on Christmas morning with all of the gifts. … We can’t do it without the help from the community … as soon as they find out what we need, everyone’s so wonderful as far as being able to provide.”

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

First Time Home Buyers: The American Dream … the South Coast Reality

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Breaking into the local real estate market is tough but not impossible. Leslie Dinaberg explores who’s buying for the first time and how.

Practicality, frugality and focus were the key values that got Jonathan and Kara Rocque into their first home, at 7126 Del Norte Dr. in Goleta. Both UCSB graduates, the Rocques lived in a one-bedroom apartment and didn’t really upgrade their lifestyle much after college in order to save money for a house.

They started making offers right after they married, about 2-1/2 years ago, but Jonathan said he wasn’t really ready to buy until recently. “People always say ‘get in as soon as you can,’ but … at the same time, I really have no regrets not getting in any sooner because I wasn’t ready.” An engineer, he said he worked for a start-up company and was worried about job stability.

“I think I got to the point where I gained more confidence in myself and that things were going to be okay,” said Jonathan, who now works for Indigo Systems, which recently merged with FLIR Systems.

When he felt really ready to buy, Jonathan had the willing assistance of his father, John Rocque, a realtor and mortgage broker in San Dimas.

Another factor that kept the Rocques from buying quickly was their expectation of what they would be able to afford. “We started thinking that we wanted our dream home out of the shoot, and I think that’s what delayed our purchase, probably,” said Jonathan.

The three-bedroom two and a half-bathroom home the Rocques eventually bought this year for $659,500 has a studio apartment (garage conversion) on the property, a big selling point. “We were looking at these two-bedroom one-bath cottages and went, I just can’t do it. There’s got to be something out there that’s better because it doesn’t leave us the flexibility to grow,” said Jonathan. “When we saw this place with the studio I just thought ‘Oh God, couldn’t be better.’ I could give up the garage and take the extra income that will definitely help.”

Kara noted the backyard had a shed for storage, making it easier for her to give up the garage space. Being able to have a vegetable garden was also important to her, as was the school district. “Basically any school in Goleta, I’m totally comfortable with,” said Kara, who teaches first grade at La Patera.

The Rocques also knew what they didn’t want: no condos and no commuting. “The whole reason we live in Santa Barbara is the lifestyle,” said Jonathan. “I ride my bike. I love the mountains. I love riding by the ocean. I love the weather. I value my time … I’m not going to drive an hour each way to work. I’d go somewhere else where I could live close,” he said.

“I don’t think either one of us ever wants to move into one of the new developments because they’re so crunched together,” added Kara. “Yeah they look pretty, they’re nice and new, but to me this has more character than those houses. You can paint it whatever color you want to paint it; you can do whatever you want with your yard.”

While the Rocques would eventually like to move to a larger house, they are fixing up their yard and treating the house like a home.

“It’s not short term, but it’s not forever,” said Kara.

“This house easily gets us ten years,” said Jonathan. “If we wanted to, at some point we’ll refinance and we could reclaim that space (the studio).”

And as for the realities of being able to afford to stay on the South Coast, they credit much of their success to Patrick Flood, the financial consultant Jonathan began working with when he graduated from college. The Rocques said they feel both blessed and proud to be able to get into the housing market

“I like taking on challenges too. I took a major in college … that was challenging. And staying in Santa Barbara was a big challenge, but I was going to do it. I was really, really happy that we could,” said Jonathan.

Added Kara: “If we can do it here then we can do it anywhere.”

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Got an hour? Get up and go to …

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num_skyman, freedigitalphotos.net

num_skyman, freedigitalphotos.net

We all agree the South Coast is paradise, but sometimes it’s nice to get away for the day. Here are a few favorite destinations for when you’re looking to get the heck out of Dodge, and the best part is, they’re all less than an hour’s drive away — weather permitting.

Just off Highway 154 north are Painted Cave, with its stunning rock art, and Knapp Castle, which can be reached from a path off East Camino Cielo. The “castle” is actually a ghostly scattering of rock ruins of a mountain lodge that burned in a 1940 wildfire, overlooking incredible views of the Santa Ynez Valley.

Further north is Lake Cachuma, which is not only our primary water source, it’s also a great place for fishing, boating, hiking, horseback riding and camping. From November to February, hundreds of bald eagles winter here and you often can see them on a two-hour guided boat ride aboard the Osprey. From March through October, the cruise takes a look at area wildlife, wildflowers and resident birds along the shore. The cost is $15 for adults and $7 for children. Call 686.5050 for reservations.

A little further north the charms of Los Olivos beckon, with wonderful shopping, galleries and wine tasting just a short drive away. Stop by the always delightful boutique Persnickety (2900 Grand Ave.; 686.8955) for a fabulous selection of gift items, including vintage linens, birdhouses, ladies’ dresses and more. The Arthur Earl tasting room (2921 Grand Ave.; 693.1771) is also highly recommended.

Also nearby is the Chumash Casino (3400 E. Highway 246), with free live music every Friday and Saturday night, as well as a new resort hotel and spa (call 1.877.248.6274 for reservations).

Don’t forget Solvang, “the Danish capital of America,” where no visit is complete without an aebleskiver, available at any of the many bakeries in town. For theater fans, the PCPA features a wonderful outdoor venue. Call 922.8313 for ticket information and showtimes.

A short distance down Solvang’s Alisal Road is Nojoqui Falls where Upper Nojoqui Creek falls about 80 feet over a sandstone cliff and into a mossy haven, surrounded by Venus maidenhair ferns. The falls end in a shallow pool that’s fun to wade in or just watch the water insect show.

You could also head into the wine country. Try the Foxen Canyon Trail where you will encounter a series of excellent wineries including Firestone Vineyard, Curtis Winery, Fess Parker Winery, Zaca Mesa Winery, Bedford Thompson Winery, Foxen Winery, Rancho Sisquoc, Cambria Winery and Cottonwood Canyon Vineyard.

Heading west, Jalama Beach lies at the end of Jalama Road that turns off Highway 1 south of Lompoc. The beachside park offers camping, a playground, windsurfing and a snack bar serving the famous Jalamaburger. Just remember to get a lot of napkins: these puppies are messy.

You could also head south from Santa Barbara to Ojai, located inland between Santa Barbara and Ventura. Nestled in a scenic deep valley, Ojai is surrounded by steep mountains that soar to 6,000 feet. Ojai is known as an artist’s community, which is reflected by a number of unique galleries and shops.

Going further south, Old Town Ventura is quite charming, with a wealth of shops and restaurants. Also worth checking out is Mission San Buenaventura, (211 E. Main St., 643.4318) the ninth and last California mission founded by Father Junipero Serra. There are also several yacht harbors in Ventura, which offer seafood restaurants, shops, boating, fishing and bay cruises.

Of course, you could always head home and be a tourist in your own town. Not many locals have done the self-guided Red-Tile Walking Tour, which begins at the Courthouse. And when was the last time you went to the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History, the Santa Barbara Mission, the Courthouse, the Botanic Garden, Stearns Wharf or the zoo? Sometimes the best getaway can be found right in your own backyard.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Make Mother’s Day Special

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Give mom what she really deserves this year, a weekend of rest and relaxation at one of the Central Coast’s unforgettable resorts, bed and breakfasts or hotels.

Villa Toscana Bed & Breakfast

Fulfilling owner David Weyrich’s vision for a “quintessential wine country retreat,” this Tuscan-style village sits smack in the middle of the Martin & Weyrich vineyard in Paso Robles. Each of the eight suites (named after the vineyard’s wines) has unique Tuscan-inspired decor, and all have huge baths with whirlpool tubs, spacious sitting areas, and balconies overlooking the vineyard. Spa treatments can be arranged in your suite. For the ultimate pampering, rent the Winemaker’s Residence: a 3,500-square-foot apartment with a full kitchen and a private balcony with hot tub. For more information call 238.5600 or visit www.myvillatoscana.com.

Courtesy The Carlton

Courtesy The Carlton

The Carlton Hotel

For a completely different kind of getaway, take mom to the newly restored historic Carlton Hotel in downtown Atascadero. It has a big-city luxury hotel feel (think San Francisco, Boston or Washington, D.C.) without the long flight or parking hassles. The 52 tastefully designed guest rooms reflect the charm of yesterday but have all of the amenities of today, including spectacular spa tubs, 24-hour concierge services, a gym, several excellent restaurants and a roof terrace garden to enjoy. For more information, call 461.5100 or visit www.the-carlton.com.

Suite Edna Bed & Breakfast

Located in San Luis Obispo County’s wine country, this charming restored farmhouse is the perfect B&B for people who aren’t necessarily B&B people. There’s no forced socializing, you have the entire house to yourself, with the option to bring up to six people total (three rooms) in your group. Mom can make herself at home with a good book on one of the two delightful porches and end her day with a relaxing massage in a private garden cottage that’s just steps away. Owner Pattea Torrence is an antiques aficionado, and her attention to detail will please even the most meticulous moms. For more information call 544.8062 or visit www.oldedna.com.

Post Ranch Inn

This luxurious, 30-room Big Sur retreat, designed exclusively “for adults to relax, rejuvenate and nurture relationships,” features a series of redwood guesthouses with views of the sea or the mountains, blended almost invisibly into a wooded cliff 1,200 feet above the Pacific. On-site offerings include everything from yoga to star gazing, with the whole experience designed to preserve a sense of serenity. Known for its oneness with nature, Post Ranch Inn has been described as a “luxury resort that is a playground for the soul.” For more information call 1.831.667.2200 or visit www.postranchinn.com.

Sycamore Mineral Springs Resort

These hot mineral springs, which bubble up amid gorgeous oak and sycamore trees, have rejuvenated thousands of spa guests since 1897. An environment dedicated to healing and renewal, each room and suite has its own private balcony with a hot tub and about half of the rooms have mineral water piped into the tubs.

The treatment center offers an array of hands-on healing therapies, while the yoga institute offers classes in yoga, Pilates, meditation and associated wellness disciplines. The beautiful gardens, labyrinth, walking/hiking trails, and the communal hot springs are also wonderful places for mom to relax and refresh herself. For more information call 595.7302 or visit www.sycamoresprings.com.

Ventana Inn & Spa

Nestled in the heart of Los Padres National Forest in Big Sur, the romantic Ventana resort is a perfect getaway. In fact, when celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Robert DeNiro, Johnny Depp and Keanu Reeves want to get away from it all, they visit these 243-acres of tranquil forest overlooking the Pacific.

The rooms are so gorgeous — with ocean and mountain views, spa tubs, flat-screen televisions and porches equipped with private Jacuzzis and peaceful hammocks — mom may never want to leave. If she does venture out, she can sunbathe, walk or ride horses in the nearby hills, do yoga or tai chi, take a photography lesson or a painting class, or pamper herself with spa treatments.

“There’s nothing that we won’t do for our guests, period,” said general manager Paul O’Dowd.

No wonder the stars like this place. For more information call 1.800. 628.6500 or visit www.ventanainn.com.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

First Time Home Buyers: There’s Nothing Like the First Time

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Here on the South Coast — where multiple bidders compete to buy $1 million generic tract houses that “need work” — first time homebuyers are definitely in the minority. But a surprising number of working professionals are getting into the market via some very creative configurations, both in terms of financing and sometimes even living situations.

“It’s a lot more complicated than just finding a property,” said Nicole Dinkelacker, a realtor with RE/MAX’s Goleta office who’s been in the business for 20 years. “Anybody with less than ten percent down, it’s very competitive and difficult.”

Difficult, but not impossible.

“You can get 100 percent financing. You have to have beautiful credit, of course, but it isn’t like you have to come up with a huge amount of money, or at least you should talk to a realtor before you decide that,” said Rebekah Mulder, a realtor with Prudential California Realty in Santa Barbara.

A former teacher and principal at Cold Springs School, who got out of education to become a financial planner and real estate agent, Mulder said she still finds a lot of her job involves educating her clients about the tax advantages of investing in real estate, as well as the many creative ways to make buying a house possible in the Santa Barbara market.

One of the unique financing methods she often teaches first-time buyers about is equity sharing, where a parent, an employer or a third party will invest in buying a house in partnership with the person who will live there.

Recently, Steen Hudson (the Director of the Rescue Mission) and his wife Trina entered into an equity share agreement with his employers, said Mulder. “The mission is realizing money on its investment and if the Hudson’s so choose they can steadily buy the mission out. It’s a great way for employers to help out their employees and make an investment as well.”

“Equity sharing is a great investment. You pair up older people who really don’t want to go out and buy an apartment house or something. Most people are unaware that if you own a residential income property, you can depreciate that property. Even if its actually appreciating, the tax code allows you depreciate it, which then shelters that much of your earned income from any taxes at all,” said Mulder. The IRS allows you to treat one physical property as both a residential property and a residential income property (divided proportionately), she explained.

Rather than asking parents or others to “help” with a down payment, Mulder advises approaching it like a business opportunity and will often make the presentation to parents as a neutral party. “We have (37-page) contracts where you negotiate every horrible thing that could happen.”

“Another thing that piggybacks on that is that buying a property with a rental on it is really good option, especially for someone that’s maybe got high income but maybe no money down, said Sharol Mulder, Rebekah’s daughter and business partner.

“A lot of times if we have people with a lot of money down, it’s a better bottom line if they buy a more expensive property with a rental on it. So let’s say they could go buy a $600,000 condo, they could probably buy a $900,000 house with a rental on it and actually come out paying less per month,” said Sharol, who recently made this type of deal with buyers Dave and Eliza Reed and Kate Russell (Eliza’s sister). “They bought a neat old turn of the century Craftsman plus an additional duplex on West Sola. … They rent out the main house for maximum income.”

In addition to financing options, first-time homebuyers often need to be educated on the basics about realtors. “There are a lot of people out there who don’t know how realtors get paid. We’re seeing people walk into open houses and work with the realtor who’s there without a recommendation. … As a buyer you’re not going to pay the realtor’s commission but you really need a good realtor, so you need a good recommendation. … It’s a great benefit to you as a buyer that the seller is going to pay your realtor’s commission but it doesn’t take away the responsibility that you have to find someone who’s really good to represent you,” said Sharol.

Having professional, experienced representation is even more important with the current climate of multiple offers being made for any given listing. “Houses are going really quickly,” said Gloria Herrera, one of Dinkelacker’s clients who recently purchased a home in Carpinteria after making an offer on another. “The whole thing has really been a learning experience.”

There’s nothing like the first time … starting next week, our South Coast Homes section will feature case studies of local first time buyers. We’ll go inside their homes to see what they were able to buy and how they were able to do it.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon

Little red wagon takes the cake

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Cake by Sarah Farmer of Sugar

Cake by Sarah Farmer of Sugar

Sarah Farmer delivers the baked goods in Big Apple exhibit

Launching imaginative voyages for boys and girls since 1917, and glorified in a 1992 movie, the ubiquitous little red Radio Flyer wagon chalked up another adventure recently. Local cake artist Sarah Farmer, of Sugar, relied on one in her journey to New York City’s Grand Central Station, where she was among the 50 leading sugar artists showing off their creations at the largest wedding cake event ever held.

Farmer said she was thrilled to be invited to the event, called Cakewalk at Grand Central, and hosted by Brides Magazine and Martini & Rossi, but getting her three-foot tall confection to New York was a challenge, to say the least. The stunning, complicated, Moroccan-themed wedding cake, inspired in part by Chef Karim’s Restaurant in Victoria Court, had its own airplane seat, but still had to be completely deconstructed for the trip.

Plus, the original vision of the two boxes in which the cake would travel had to be modified into three boxes at the eleventh hour.

“Then I had to figure out how to get these three boxes through the airport,” said Farmer, who credits local United Airlines staff members Tim Crews, Aaron Muller and Sean Russer with helping her — and her cake — make it safely to Grand Central Station.

And then there’s the little red wagon belonging to her daughter, Lily.

“It was a Radio Flyer that my sister had found on the side of the road … this beat-up thing covered with leaves and rust and sticks hanging off it, and I thought, that will work,” she said. “By the end of the trip I had named her Lucy, because I thought this is more than just a wagon, this is my personal assistant.”

Stretching the limits of her creativity is nothing new for Farmer. Along with partner Kirsten Soria, who is the baker half of the duo, they’ve created completely edible cakes that look like a Monopoly Game, Manolo Blahnik shoes, Academy Award statues, Santa Barbara’s downtown district, Michael Jackson and an exact replica of the Four Seasons Biltmore Resort.

“Every artist’s dream is to make a living doing what they love,” said Farmer, who studied illustration and design at the Fashion Institute before fate intervened and she began working with baked goods at Debbie’s Delights.

“For me, cakes are clay. Cakes are a canvas. Each one is a personal challenge to me to create something new and fantastic,” Farmer said. “Everything I have ever studied, painting, sculpture, graphic design, illustration, jewelry design, all comes into play when creating our cakes.”

In addition to the dozens of weddings, birthdays and events on the docket for Sugar, coming up soon is a Halloween photo shoot commissioned by Child Magazine. It’s a safe bet that whatever witchy creation Sugar comes up with will not only be incredibly clever, but extremely delicious as well.

=

For more information visit, www.sugarcakes.com. Sugar is open by appointment only Thursday-Saturday. Call 683.5600 or 452.4659 to schedule a complimentary tasting.

Originally published in South Coast Beacon. Click here to read the story on that site.

Cantor Baby

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Image by digitalart, courtesy of freeimages.net

Image by digitalart, courtesy of freeimages.net

December is one of the cruelest months for Jews.

Sure we have Hanukkah to celebrate our urge to shop, and latkes to indulge our genetic urge for carbs, and we can decorate in blue and silver to our hearts’ content, but the one thing we’re lacking in is carols. Let’s face it, other than “Oh Hanukkah,” and Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song,” there aren’t a whole lot of Hanukkah hymns on the airwaves.

Rather than kvetch and whine about the lack of Chanukah chants this holiday season, I decided to do something about it. As with all things Jewish and musical, first I turned to my Cantor for inspiration.

Cantor Baby (to the tune of “Santa Baby)

Buh-bum.. buh-bum…

Cantor baby, slip a table under my knee, for me.

I’ve got an ache in my neck, Cantor baby, so hurry the masseuses tonight.

Cantor baby, a Jaguar convertible too, teal blue.

I’ll wait for you with the bells, and Sven and Nels.

Cantor baby, so hurry the masseuses tonight.

Think of all I’ve sacrificed, think of all the stuff I bought sale-priced. Next year I could be just as thrifty, if you’ll check off my Hanukkah listy,

Cantor baby, I wanna sunny vacation spot, oh yeah.

And really that’s not a lot, been an angel all year.

Cantor baby, so hurry the masseuses tonight.

Cantor honey, there’s one thing that I really do need, a maid, who can cook matzo ball soup, doo doop.

And clean up after my kid, which is a pain in my neck.

Oh heck.

So hurry the masseuses-I’m not talkin’ mezuzahs-hurry the masseuses tonight.

My own family did not inspire this next little ditty, I swear.

Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go (to the tune of “Let It Snow”)

Oh the fight we had last month was frightful.

But hashing it over is so delightful.

It’s finally time to end the row.

Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping.

And I’ve bought some corn for popping.

So much for family drama.

Can you just let it go, mama.

My last nerve is about to blow.

Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

When we finally kiss goodnight.

How I’ll hate going home if you’re mad.

But what’s a holiday if there’s not a fight.

It’s what we call communication.

And venting our seasonal frustration.

But as long as you love me so.

Let It Go! Let It Go! Let It Go!

My family didn’t inspire that last one, but this one sure brings back memories. Of course all of the snow at my Grandmother’s house in Beverly Hills was fake and came from Niemans.

Noshing Through the Snow (to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Noshing through the snow, in a big safe Grand Marquis.

O’er the roads we go.

Driving so slowly.

Bells on cell phones ring.

Dad thinks of the gelt.

What fun it is to laugh and sing and watch the chocolate coins melt. Oh, Grandma Kvells, Grandma Kvells.

Futzing all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to ride in a family car all day, hey.

Grandma Kvells, Grandma Kvells.

Futzing all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to ride in the family car all day.

And finally, my personal favorite. I’m sure you’ll be hearing this on NPR soon, right after “Oy, Come All Ye Faithful” and “Little Drummer Goy.”

We Wish You a Merry Mazeltov (to the tune of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”)

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov and a Happy New Year.

Good tidings we bring and a hot brisket too.

Good tidings for Hanukkah and some pastrami too.

Oh, bring us some lox and bagels.

Oh, bring us a smidge more kugel.

Oh, bring us some Matzo Ball Soup and a cup of Manischewitz.

We won’t go until we get full.

We won’t go until we get full.

We won’t go until we get full, so bring some more food!

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov.

We wish you a Merry Mazeltov and a Happy New Year.

==

Merry Mazeltov to all of you. Send your Hanukkah hymn suggestions to Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com .

Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on December 8, 2012.

Jungle Mom

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Photo by Sura Nualpradid freedigitalphotos.net

Photo by Sura Nualpradid freedigitalphotos.net

I pity the first girl who stomps on my son’s heart.

I realized something about myself recently and it’s not very pretty. I may be an anti-violent, NPR-supporting, bleeding heart pacifist in theory, but when it comes right down to it-I would kill to prevent my son from suffering heartache.

I may not be a tiger mother, but I’m a jungle mom nonetheless. It stuns me how quickly I turn into Mama Bear when something threatens my cub.

When he was younger, I was mostly fixated on doing everything in my power to help my son avoid physical pain. Implanting a GPS tracking device and a boundary collar always sounded perfectly reasonable to me. It was only my husband’s mockery that prevented me from sending Koss out to play in full body armor. I would have wrapped him in Charmin from head to toe, like that kid in the old commercial who goes out to play football and practically tips over from all that cushiony padding.

I was always jealous of the mom in that commercial.

My imagination splinters into a million fearful little pieces whenever I think about anything bad happening to my son.

But now that Koss has successfully survived enough banged up knees and bruised elbows to keep the Band-Aid and Bactine business booming for years to come, it’s his emotional pain that keeps me up at night.

The fact is we’re still warming up to puberty, so at this point his hurt feelings dig much deeper into my overactive imagination than they do into his psyche. I will often still be reeling over some playground slight or hurt from weeks back when Koss wants to invite that very same kid I’ve been mentally murdering over to play.

Pesky old reality is no match for the mind of a mother.

Just thinking about the prospect of his many broken hearts to come is enough to make me growl.

I can’t help myself. Just thinking about that future girl who will someday make him cry drives me nuts. I want to kill her. I want to rip her to shreds. The mere thought of that girl transforms me into every single awful parent-of-an-only-child stereotype, though some might call me a murderous lunatic.

Gee, I hope his future girlfriends never read this column. That would be awful. Just awful.

Karma’s a bitch, and I certainly had my moments. As a former teenage girl, I know just how mean they can be.

Plus the fact that my genetic eggs are in this one and only one precious basket makes me guard it all the more zealously.

But here’s the rub. As a parent I’ve found that it’s almost impossible to try to comfort someone and develop their character at the time. With girlfriends and husbands, your job is just to listen and be supportive and hate whomever they hate at that moment. In those cases it’s easy to blame it on the other guy.

But when you’re comforting a child you sometimes have to fess up to the fact that it’s not always the other guy’s fault. Human relationships are complicated and they’re only just beginning.

Kind of makes me wish for the good old days when I would dream up tactical scenarios of how I would jump into the lion’s cage at the zoo to rescue my son.

When Leslie’s not busy cocooning her son in bubble wrap she can be reached at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.  Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on July 20, 2012.

Crazy Busy or Just Plain Crazy

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As I write this first sentence, I’m on hold with my insurance company-again. I’m also listening to phone messages, soaking my whites in bleach, taping an episode of “Next Food Network Star,” stretching my quads, doing a few Kegel exercises and sipping my coffee, which I know is bad for me again this month, because I read it in “Prevention” while I was standing in line at Vons this morning.

It’s taken years of practice, but I’ve finally ratcheted my level of multitasking to “Rock Star,” and now I find out that there’s some new research that says multitasking actually slows you down. I had to push my 1:15 ’til 2:30 and ignore my email, but I managed to get myself to the library to get a peek at psychiatrist Edward Hallowell’s book, “Crazy Busy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and About to Snap! Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD.”

You don’t think I have time to actually buy and read a book about busyness, do you? But I skimmed it, for free, and I really tried to focus on the book, and only the book, during the 13 minutes I calculated it would take the meter maid to get to my illegally parked car.

The good doctor, who specializes in Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), says that it is literally impossible to pay conscious attention to doing more than one thing at once. Instead, you end up paying conscious attention to several tasks in succession, and not doing any of them very well. When you switch your brain between tasks you end up wasting, rather than saving, precious time because your brain continually has to restart and refocus.

Are you kidding me? And here I was thinking it might be time to have another baby now that there’s a breast pump with a car adaptor (the Pump in Style) on the market. Just don’t drive over any bumps while you pump.

My husband-who would never dare to sully the experience of watching ESPN by matching a pair of socks, even when they accidentally whack him on the side of the head-has sworn by the do-one-thing-at-a-time-theory for years. Has hell finally frozen over? If not, he can’t possibly be right.

And yet, other experts also support the movement towards uni- tasking. A study at the University of Michigan found that multitasking leads to expensive “time costs.” Team leader Dr. David Meyer says that the additional time required to switch between one task and another tends to increase with the complexity of the chores involved. And that over the long run, the time required to make these switches may lead to a 20 to 40 percent decrease in actual productivity.

A 40 percent decrease? I can’t afford that. As much yammering as I do about how busy I am-and I am actually pretty busy-the reason that I need to multitask is to make sure that I also have time to read novels, catch a movie once in a while and take a long lunch with a friend.

Sometimes I’m almost embarrassed to admit that it’s more important to me have a social life than it is to have a clean house or actually bake the cookies myself. Sometimes there’s this undertone of bragging or one-upmanship when people, especially moms, talk about how busy they are. And I’m always a little self-conscious that I, as the mother of one, will never be as busy as my nut job friends who have four or more children. But I work! C’mon, give a girl a few points.

Of course the trouble with writing about busyness is that it makes you even more hyper-aware of how you spend each moment. It’s exhausting. If I didn’t have to change the laundry loads, write a speech, pick up the trash, and take out the kid, I might take a nap.

Why not find out if you can walk, chew gum, and send an email to Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com at the same time? For more of Leslie’s columns visit www.lesliedinaberg.com.  Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 22, 2012.

Eat, Drink and Be Married

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Photo by Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee, freedigitalphotos.net

Chatting with Author Rebecca Bloom

“What is it about wedding preparations that makes the ordinary tasks usually taking a woman from bed to bath, to bra, to base, to bagel, to bag, to butt-on-the-seat-of- the-car in 28 minutes flat, suddenly expand, exhale and evolve into hours upon hours of careful mirror observations and highly scrutinized tinkering?” writes Rebecca Bloom in her new novel, “Eat, Drink, and Be Married.”

I’m giggling as I read these words (So very true!) and laughing even more as I speak to their author, who is sneaking in our phone call during the precious naptime of her two-year-old son. Along with some of the laugh-out-loud-in-recognition scenes in her book, this is yet another thing about Rebecca Bloom that I can relate to.

Expecting her second child in the fall, Rebecca chats easily about writing, kids, tequila and the birth of “Eat, Drink, and Be Married,” her third novel. Here are some highlights:

Leslie Dinaberg: I really enjoyed the book. What was your inspiration?

Rebecca Bloom: I had been going to a lot of weddings and I was noticing that there is so much else that goes on around the wedding. There’s such a heightened sense of emotions for everybody. I wanted to write something that explored not just what the bride and groom were going through but what the guests themselves were going through. Weddings bring out a lot of different kinds of things for people and I wanted to explore those things.

LD: I was really struck by the coming together of the college friends who got back into their old dynamic so quickly and reverted to their old selves. Was that your experience?

RB: With my girlfriends from college, we have this shorthand that it doesn’t matter how long it has been since we’ve talked or how much has happened, the minute we’re together there’s not a lag, we don’t really have to catch up. There’s an instant repartee and there’s an instant sort of comfort and camaraderie. I wanted to put that in the book because I do think that in college you form such intense bonds because you’re with people 24/7 and you don’t really have time past college to ever really do that. … I wanted to capture that because I think it’s the case for a lot of people that the old friends sometimes are the ones that know you the best.

LD: A while back my husband and I were in that wedding a weekend phase and we sort of became the wedding critics. What do you think makes a really good wedding or a really not so good wedding?

RB: It is funny, when you write a wedding book everyone thinks you’re an expert on weddings but it’s sort of just your own opinion.

I think the best weddings are the weddings that really represent the bride and groom and you can tell that they really planned it for themselves and not for their moms and their friends. It’s really all about them. And those are often the most fun.

Our wedding had a lot of tequila and that really made it fun (Laughs). … I think the ones that are the best are the most relaxed and represent the couple-not just the bride.

LD: Were you married when you wrote this book?

RB: Actually I wrote this book, the first draft of it, when I was single. I wrote this wedding book and then I met my husband. So we’re sort of like that movie “Field of Dreams,” where the whole thing is like if you build it he will come. (Laughs)

LD: And now you have a husband, a young son and another on the way. How do you write and juggle all of that?

RB: Not as well as I would like. I am trying to start writing something new and it’s just hard. It’s hard to find the balance. … You just do the best you can. I can’t do everything all the time. And I can’t do it very well. My kids right now are the most important and that’s okay for me for right now.

LD: Not only are weddings fraught with drama, they’re also a huge business. Was that sort of marketing angle in your mind when you developed the story?

RB: I definitely knew … that there might be more avenues open maybe for publicity or marketing but I didn’t really think about that when I was writing it.

As I’ve gotten older though and as I end up starting my next book I’m thinking about that more because I want to make a living and I want it to sell and so I’m letting that come in a little bit. I have a bunch of ideas, so I am thinking which one is the most marketable and I’ll go with that.

But I’m not writing about zombies or anything (Laughs).

LD: I don’t know, a vampire, shades of grey, zombie wedding book with a historical twist could be huge.

For more information about Rebecca Bloom, visit www.rebeccabloom.com. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.  Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 8, 2012.