Yearly Archives: 2008

Legacies: Storyteller

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storytellerThe infectious chirping of children’s laughter greets visitors. Pigtails fly as a little girl rounds the playground on a tricycle, her smile as bright as the sun. This scene could take place at any of Santa Barbara’s high quality preschool programs, with one exceptional difference–this is Storyteller Children’s Center and these children are homeless.

Founded in 1988 by volunteers who pushed aside cots at Transition House to make space for a small group of children, Storyteller has a come a long way from those humble beginnings.

“We started out as a half-day program for about ten kids,” says Executive Director Terri Allison, who co-wrote the initial proposal to fund a childcare center for homeless children when she worked for the Community Action Commission. The children thrived and the program grew, incorporating in 1991 and moving to First Congregational Church, then to a dedicated center in 1999.

As the program matured, so did its goals. “In the beginning, the group was very focused on providing a safe space for kids,” says board president Jon Clark. “Now we’re looking in a more focused way at the children and their families and what they need. … In particular because of the living situations these children are in, it really is on Storyteller to provide educational experiences, nutrition and all those things that will help them grow.”

Most families are referred through word-of-mouth or from other agencies such as Transition House, Domestic Violence Solutions, St. Vincent’s, Department of Social Services and Child Protective Services.

“A teacher sits down with every family for at least an hour … to establish a level of trust with them and also to figure how we can help,” Allison says. In addition to early childcare and education services, offerings include on-site counseling, family services and case management; parent support groups and education workshops; mental health and disability services; health, vision and dental screenings and nutrition services.

“The teacher helps set goals with the parents and we monitor them on a monthly basis,” Allison says. “We know that the best way to affect change is through the whole family, so parents to have the skills that they need, as well as the children.”

“Parents who leave their children with us are expressing tremendous trust in the people that work at Storyteller,” says Clark. “Once that trusting relationship is developed, there is so much that we can do to help them deal with their family issues and parenting issues. That was a real eye-opener when we realized that the relationship between the organization and the families and the trust that developed was such a huge asset.”

Studies of graduates and their families show a marked improvement in their social and economic status and Storyteller is working with UCSB to research the longer-term impact of its programs. “What we’re trying to do is to make meaningful changes in the lives of children and their families that are going to play out over time,” says Clark.

“There is so much scientific evidence about the huge differences that quality preschool education can make in later years,” says Allison. Experts agree that investment in high quality education for young children has substantial economic payoffs–for every $1 invested, $3 to $16 is returned from decreased jail time and increased physical and mental health.

One of the biggest challenges for Storyteller is trying to focus on the depth of services to individual families and still offer a breadth of services to the community. The waiting list for children continues to grow. Allison cites research that there is only one licensed childcare space for every three eligible children in Santa Barbara County–regardless of a family’s ability to pay.

Still, Storyteller is doing its best to help more children. Celebrating its 20th anniversary this year, the organization opened a second facility, thanks in large part to the generosity of the Orfalea Foundation, who bought the building and is leasing it back to Storyteller rent-free for ten years, enabling Storyteller to mount a $3.2 million capital campaign for the expansion.

Last spring Storyteller was able to increase capacity from 29 to 50 children in the two preschools. By September of 2009 they expect to have 72 children enrolled.

“It’s really amazing to think of how far we’ve come,” says board member J.P. Sharp, a volunteer since 1994. “It was a real grassroots organization of helping children and helping parents and really teaching them how to parent. This is still a wonderful place to visit and volunteer.”

Originally published in Santa Barbara Seasons Magazine in Fall 2008.

Noozhawk Talks: Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down With Amy Kovarick

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Amy Kovarick (courtesy photo)

Amy Kovarick (courtesy photo)

As a wife, mother and life coach, Amy Kovarick is a master of multitasking, and she’s helping others find balance in their lives, too.

By Leslie Dinaberg

Wife, mother, life coach, counseling psychologist, radio host and author of Baby on Board: Becoming a Mother Without Losing Yourself, Carpinteria-based Amy Kovarick knows a lot about multi-tasking.

Leslie Dinaberg: So you got started as a life coach after leaving the corporate world?

Amy Kovarick: Yes. I got married at 39 and Matt was born when I was 40, so it was a tremendous change. And finding where the ambitious kind of career Amy fit now with all of these other hats was part of my journey. One company I have, Empowered Motherhood, (Empoweredmotherhood.com) is very much about that. How do you keep close to yourself and true to who you are and yet bring your best to your kids?

… that’s kind of the heart of coaching, whether it’s Empowered Motherhood where it’s a mother community … or my private coaching practice (Amykcoaching.com) where I work with people across the country. The coaching part, no matter who I’m working with, is looking at that balance across your life.

… I’ve got folks who come for career issues, relationship issues, health issues, really right across the board. But it always comes down to balance, which one is falling off the load and have you even stopped to think about where you fit in and what you want, what’s interesting to you nowadays?

LD: It sounds like we could all use some of that.

AK: (Laughs) I think the best coaches are the ones that truly believe they don’t have answers for someone. They think you know deep down inside what’s best for your life and are good at just bringing out who you are. But the tricky part or the tough part about coaching is that there’s all that self-reflection and kind of the touchy feely part, coupled with a bunch of accountability and action items. That’s what drew me to coaching was the combination of the soft side with the no nonsense lets move side.

LD: What kinds of people typically come to you?

AK: A good example is the owner of this restaurant (Corktree Cellars in Carpinteria). She didn’t need to be fixed, she didn’t have a problem, she had a goal … I’ve worked with a lot of entrepreneurs, both men and women and a bunch of executives. I do corporate contracts where the corporation is paying me to coach some of their top leadership in reaching their peak performance if you will. But what I love about that is it is still the same, it’s one on one, there’s nobody there on the phone but them and I’m not working with their board of directors or their boss, it’s still weaves in issues from across their life.

I have a new woman that took on her first president role and so she’s been VP, she’s been this and that, but she’s a mom, she’s got two kids and she’s got all of the issues with that, plus she’s a new female president, in a new company that she doesn’t know these people, a bunch of men that are working for her and reporting to her and the coaching with her is full of all of the things you would imagine.

There are a lot of practical business things but there is the okay, how do you show up and be your full self and be as bold as you want to be and don’t be afraid of stepping on toes, but yet be effective. That’s what I love about my work.

One of my favorite long-term clients was a young girl going through college in New York and her father was footing the bill because he wanted her to be very successful. There’s a different kind of pace of just really working through her journey of becoming an adult and she’s graduated and is down in Australia at the Great Barrier Reef, she’s a conservation biologist.

… So the dreams differ, one wants to be the best leader, one wants to open a restaurant, one wants to be a marine biologist, so it sounds very different, different ages and walks of life, but it is all the same thing of who are you, what do you want to do, how are you going to get there–and that’s what fascinates me. That’s what keeps me in it is every person is different and no two coaching sessions look alike.

LD: In a way it sounds like what writing does, you sort of get to live other lives because you’re finding out so much about what other people are doing.

AK: Yes. And I get I thrive on one on one, real conversations, not a lot of superficial stuff. I’m terrible at networking or parties where you have to just chitchat. That’s my worst thing. So when I get to do my coaching, these people share a lot. And they come pretty unguarded, even my tough male executives.

LD: Do you get people that are motivated to change something?

AK: Yes. Change, grow. It’s people who even though they all look so different on the surface, the common thread is this desire to grow, to not just be successful because it’s not always about people wanting monetary success, it’s this almost fierce desire to not be static, to not stay the status quo. They want to keep pushing out their barriers, and some people for sure come with a problem, come with I’m really unhappy at work, I’m really unhappy in my relationship, I would like to meet someone, I would like to lose 50 pounds. Sometimes there is a very specific problem and they are all willing to look at themselves to take responsibility. By the nature of no one is going to hire me and pay my fees if they are a victim. … People who show up and want to work with me, they’re serious about their life.

… Often I get asked, well how is this different than therapy … the big difference is therapy often is about healing or fixing and it often goes into the past and the whys. How did I get here? Whereas coaching is about where are you now. Coaching is much more about present and future and very seldom do I go to the whys or what happened with your parents. That’s just not part of the conversation even though that’s really valuable but it’s not what I do.

LD: If you could be invisible anywhere in Santa Barbara, where would you go and what would you do?

AK: If I could get into my husband’s head. He’s a very private guy and as he said last night, “you know more about me than anyone in my entire life has every known.” But it’s like pulling teeth.

Vital Stats: Amy Kovarick

Born: Newport, Rhode Island, April 23

Family: Husband Mike Musson; Stepdaughters Layla, 20; Fina, 18 ; and Meli, 15; and son Matt, 2-1/2.

Professional Accomplishments: Author of “The Empowered Mother,” host of the radio show “Empowered Mother,” MA in Counseling Psychology, PCC (Professional Coach Credential), member of the International Coach Federation, has worked with hundreds of people in North America helping them reach their dreams.

Best Book You’ve Read Recently: Age of Turbulence, by Allen Greenspan

Little-Known Fact: I was in the Air Force and worked at the Pentagon.

Originally published in Noozhawk in July 2008. (Click here to read the story online.)

The remote truth about men

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Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Image courtesy of Photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

My son snatched the remote control out of my hands with the same vehemence I might have for rescuing the very last Dark Chocolate Bordeaux in a box of See’s Candy, and I said to myself–for the zillionth time this week–“Oh my God. I really don’t understand men.”

What could possibly be so enticing about controlling that remote control? I thought we had already picked a show. Why did he need to be holding the remote?

I couldn’t figure it out. Was it the power control aspect of being able to pause the show or control the volume at will? Or was it the “ooh, look at all the pretty buttons” technology gadget aspect that makes it so appealing? I had no idea.

My son was too busy furiously flipping through channels–while watching Boy Meets Grill in the picture in picture screen–to be of any help.

If sitcoms–and now reality TV–are any indication of reality, then it’s pretty obvious that men like to be in control. Things like asking for directions, going to the doctor, or getting professional help to fix a leak in the kitchen sink are seen as signs of weakness, as well as comedic gold mines.

That’s probably why my Dad is so enamored with his GPS navigation system. It gives him help without his having to ask for it. So what if it directs him to the house next door, and he follows those directions instead of turning into his own driveway? It’s all about the illusion of power, and the cool remote control gadgety thingee, of course.

Plus, with GPS, no one–except a computerized voice, which apparently doesn’t count– is telling you what to do. At least that seems to be Dad’s logic.

My husband seems to be a pretty typical member of his species in that he HATES when I tell him what to do. It doesn’t matter what it is. A burning Ferrari could be falling from the sky about to hit him on the head, and he’d be annoyed if I told him to watch out.

He might even be planning to do exactly what I tell him to do, (“You should duck, a burning sports car is about to hit you!”) and he would still hate me telling him what to do, maybe even more because he was already planning to duck and I should have realized that.

It’s the oddest thing. As soon as the words, “You should …” or “Would you …” or “Could you …” start to come out of my mouth, he becomes a rebellious teenager and I become his nagging mother. This is not one of those fun role-playing games at all. Plus, he refuses to do whatever I’m asking him to do on principle. It doesn’t matter if it was something he wanted to do or not, the point is that I’m asking him and therefore taking control away from him and violating his free will, and I may well just cut off his manhood right then and there. I guess.

My son HATES when I tell him what to do too. I really don’t understand this. It’s my job to tell him what to do and how to do it. But he doesn’t see it that way, and my husband is no help in this regard at all.

The two of them are usually as full of MANswers as they are of gas, but not today. When I ask them about their need to hold on to the remote control, they both shrug their shoulders and grab for it immediately.

“Not so fast, boy,” says my husband with a “get the hell out of Dodge” tone to his voice. My son relents control of the remote immediately. I’m still baffled.

Later that night, after much persuading, I finally get my answer.

It turns out that while I was busy delivering Koss, Zak called out “Dibs for Life” on the remote control in the hospital room. Aww, how sweet, he still remembers his first words to his newborn son.

Unfortunately, now I sort of understand.

Share your control issues with email . For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on July 25, 2008.

The happy-ish place on earth

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DisneylandIs it possible that the happiest place on earth is now just a happy-ish place?

From my first visit to Disneyland as a 4-year-old, to the hundreds of journeys I’ve made there since, I’ve always thought Disneyland was an E-ticket ride.

The thing about going to Disneyland– sweaty bodies that aren’t your own, outrageous prices, long lines and theme park feet aside–is that it’s a chance to spread a little magic pixie dust and journey back to your childhood.

But this time, even though our recent trip was a blast, it was also a sad reminder that while I’m still a kid from the moment I spot Mickey from the freeway, my own kid is growing up way too fast. He didn’t even want to buy mouse ears because he’d “have to take them off on Thunder Mountain.”

Excuse me? Mouse ears are mandatory.

Back in the 70s, when I was rocking white Go-Go boots, pigtails and a Partridge Family lunchbox, my Grandpa Alex did the dry cleaning for Disneyland. This meant we got free tickets to Disneyland. We must have gone a dozen times every summer, but I still got mouse ears every time–and that was when your choices were with or without a bow. Now the ears (37 styles) snap on to 1,569 different hat options, and don’t even get me started on the patches. Yet Koss was not particularly interested.

Hmm … maybe it’s a boy thing? At least he still skipped with me.

New stuff comes and goes in the real world with alarming frequency, but everything in Fantasyland was just where I left it when I was 7. Watching Alice’s teacups spin brought back some of the happiest memories of my childhood–but if some kind of extreme thrill isn’t involved, then Koss wasn’t willing to wait in more than a five-minute line. My husband Zak got queasy just looking at those saucers spin.

I realize that not everyone digs Disneyland the way I do, but Zak was more excited by the free soda refills at one of the restaurants than the new Nemo ride. Admittedly, it wasn’t the best ride ever, but still, it’s a NEW RIDE at DISNEYLAND! To which he responded, it’s FREE REFILLS at DISNEYLAND! Point taken.

I think Zak’s happiest moment of our three-day adventure was when he saw that “It’s a Small World,” was closed for re-theming. I was crushed, but soon realized that even without the ride I could still hear the echoes of my dad singing, “It’s a Small World After All.”

Just so they wouldn’t feel left out, I sang it a few times for Zak and Koss. They were amused for the first ten minutes or so, then, I don’t know what happened. Some people don’t recognize fun, even when it’s screaming in their ear.

Like I said, it was a happy-ish place this time.

Still, I got them off the roller coasters and into the Tiki Room for a little while. The line for the pineapple froth was too long, and Koss thought it sounded icky, but inside I could almost see Grandpa Alex’s belly jiggling as he danced along with the birds in the “Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room,”

Koss rolled his eyes when I shared the precious Disney memory of when he was a baby and I gracefully managed to spill an entire strawberry slushie on his tushie and then used the very last diaper in all of Disneyland to clean him off.

While I think that one of the greatest things about being a parent is getting to re-experience magic through the eyes of a child, I guess I also have to remember that as a child it’s not that much fun to hear your parents’ stories over and over again.

But seriously, this is a story that involves Disneyland, bodily fluids, and mom being embarrassed. You would think he’d be a little more amused. Where’s the pixie dust when you need it?

I was starting to worry that Koss might not have inherited my Disney gene, when we stumbled onto the parade. His skinny legs bounced along to “Under the Sea” and he grinned as he explained to the crowd that the starfish were doing some of the aerial moves he learned at Circus Camp. Then he waved to Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, forgetting for a moment that he’s almost 9 and too old to get too excited. This place has still got it.

When we finally got home, with throbbing feet and empty wallets, I was too tired to wash the theme park film of saturated fat, sunscreen, sweat and spilled sugar off my body. Koss is still smiling when we carry him to bed and still clutching a couple of magic rings we bought him instead of the mouse ears. Who needs pixie dust? Disneyland’s still got it.

Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on July 18, 2008.

Bringing up Babies

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Claire Bloomfield photo

Claire Bloomfield photo

I was interviewing this fascinating, accomplished, professional woman and it was going great. Our conversation had a nice rhythm, she had some anecdotes and zingers I knew would jump right off the page. Oh joy, oh boy, this profile was practically writing itself. Then, when the interview was just about over, I dropped the bomb. A conversational dud that fell with a big fat thud: Do you have any kids?

It sounds like a pretty innocent question, right? It’s not like I asked her about her favorite sexual position. But she didn’t have kids and that simple truth made me feel like I had crossed a line and was intruding into her personal life.

How is it that we can live in a society that teaches the four R’s–Reading, ‘Riting, ‘Rithmetic and Reproduction–and yet asking someone whether they have children can be considered rude? I wanted to explain to her that even though I’m now on the mom side of the fence, I’m not so far out of her neighborhood.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was childfree and working late nights at the office, cursing my colleagues who got to leave at 5 to pick up Timmy and Susie from daycare, while I had to work late to pick up their slack. I remember what it was like. As much as I love my son, I do sometimes long for the days when every dining out experience didn’t come with complimentary crayons.

There’s been so much written about “the mommy wars” between the stay-at-home moms and moms who work, but nobody really talks about the “my life choices are better than yours” tension between the women who have children and those who don’t. Like it or not: I could feel it in the air as I awkwardly ended the interview.

Now I’m not one of those women who believe it’s everyone’s fate to procreate. I can certainly understand why everyone doesn’t want a baby on board. Not everybody pines for progeny. I know plenty of cheerfully childless people, I thought. Look at Oprah, and Mother Teresa. What about Condoleezza Rice? What’s the big deal? I wanted to explain all that to this woman and couldn’t find the words. It just felt too personal, like I was asking her how much money she made or whether she believed in God.

But as I flipped through my address file later, I realized that the vast majority of people I hang out with have kids. It’s not that I don’t know a lot of childless people, but we don’t really run in the same circles. Apparently, they like their conversations uninterrupted by shouts of, “Stop stabbing your sister with a fork!”

The moment I walked down the aisle and got married it seemed like people started asking me about “the pitter-patter of tiny little feet.” It was amusing at first, but became progressively more painful and annoying as we struggled to have a baby, and the ticking of my biological clock joined in the pitter-patter chorus.

When I was struggling with infertility it seemed like the whole world was pregnant or potty training. I began to cringe inside every time someone asked about kids. Was this what it was like all the time for people without kids?

How do you keep your cool in a world filled with drool? My friend Cara, who gets asked all the time about kids, laughed, “I usually just tell them I’m raising kittens instead.”

Daisy, a college friend who tied her tubes in her 20s, said when people ask her “why don’t you have any children,” she simply retorts: “why don’t you have any class?”

Angie, who’s approaching 40 and is cheerfully childless, says she’s been asked, “Aren’t you getting to the age where you should be having babies?” Her favorite response: “Nah. But aren’t you getting to the age where you should have better manners?”

But my favorite response came from Camie, who said, “I’ll consider having a baby when maternity clothes and minivans are sexy.”

Hmm … I wonder what Angelina Jolie drives?

Is it rude to bring up babies? Share your thoughts–and horror stories–with email.

Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on July 11, 2008.

Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down With Gay Browne

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Gay Browne

Gay Browne

The Greenopia founder publishes city guides to help consumers find environmentally friendly businesses. A Santa Barbara book is due out … soon.”

“Eat, shop, live green” is the mantra for Montecito mom Gay Browne. Her company, Greenopia, publishes Zagat-style city guides to help busy consumers find earth-friendly businesses. The Los Angeles book came out in 2006, San Francisco in 2007 and New York in 2008. She plans to expand to multiple cities across the country, including Santa Barbara, which “I promised the mayor I would do this year.”

Leslie Dinaberg: Tell me about the Greenopia books and website?

Gay Browne: It started because I have been a lifelong asthmatic and I’ve always been super conscientious about my health. … My oldest son was born with autism-related learning issues, and then I learned about him, and all of these illnesses led me to understanding that how you lead your daily life, can make a big difference in your health. … We built a house in 1994 that was the first environmental house in West Los Angeles, and in building the house I learned a whole lot inside out what goes into buildings and all of the environmental stuff and so I got fascinated about it.

…I thought I’ll create a guide, like a Michelin Guide and I’ll vet the businesses and services and I’ll give people a roadmap in clothes, in paints, in carpets in almost everything that they have an eco-friendly alternative solution.

LD: What has the response been to the books?

GB: It’s been phenomenal. … We have really done phenomenally well for being a new venture.

LD: So when you do a guide do you hire field researchers to go walk around?

GB: The way we do it is we go and we put an ad on Craig’s List or the local university, they all have environmental departments. …We’re trying to figure out a to work with universities to help cultivate their students, as well as help cultivate our criteria.

LD: That’s a great idea.

GB: The Bren School here at UCSB did a study of our research criteria of our 52 categories and they gave us some recommendations as well as a lot of good credits. And then recently we won an award from the EPA on our work for educating consumers for sustainability and climate change, which is good validation for us. But that’s how we go, we go into cities, we hire people and grid the cities, just like on a map. … And they have these 52 categories they use, they ask the questions, we put in all the data and then we come out with a leaf score of one to four leaves.

… The leaf score is not to penalize businesses for not being green, the leaf score rating is really for the consumers to know how much green is in that place, because if you were to look at a list of stores and it was McDonald’s, Shakey’s, Chinese food and a natural health store, the only reason you know that the natural health store has more health stuff is because of the name. Otherwise they could all have organic vegetables and fruits. So what we’re trying to do is give the four-leaf rating to those stores that offer more environmental friendly alternatives so the consumer who is more choosy will know.

LD: How would you think that Santa Barbara would rate?

GB: It’s small. I have to say I think we’re a little behind in the food department. There is not as much alternative for buying organic food as there is other places. Vons has a very small section of organic food. There’s the Farmer’s Market, which I personally never can get to because my kids always have sports on those days. … I think that Santa Barbara has a healthier lifestyle and the people are healthier but … I don’t see as many of the support services, like the pool guy, I want it to have no chemicals. They are not that experienced in doing that. Homebuilders, they are actually a little better, but certain categories are not as well versed. However the people that are here are more committed to living a healthy life. I don’t think that businesses have caught up with the desires that people have. … I promised the mayor I would do a guide by the end of the year, if not January 1st for sure by Earth Day.

LD: I can’t wait to see it.

GB: I started this because I became conscious about my life and I wanted other people to start being conscious about what their lives are … we have to start being really conscious of how we treat each other and how we use our resources and what our behaviors are to the planet. … My goal is treat the planet kindly, as well as each other, I think that somehow in businesses globalization that people forgot along the way that we can’t just swallow up everything.

LD: With these publications and this business that’s all over the place, how much do you need to travel?

GB: That’s a problem … there’s only one of me. … I do have to travel often. … I’m not unlike most moms with a passion. If you’ve got a passion and you’re a mom, you are dedicated to making it work. It’s hard on my kids when I’m gone. … But the good news is my husband is older and he’s semi-retired so he is around almost all the time. His office is in LA but because he’s semi-retired he goes in only every other week for two days, so it wouldn’t be possible without his financial support and his flexibility with his schedule.

LD: It sounds like you’re really, really busy, but when you’re not so busy, what do you like to do?

GB: Hang with my family. I love to play golf and tennis but I don’t play tennis or golf very much. I love to hike. I try to squeeze in a hike whenever I can, which is about once a month, and I do Yoga twice or three times a week. If I have free time I do something with the kids.

LD: If you could pick three adjectives to describe yourself, what would they be?

GB: I would say that I’m optimistic, energetic, and persistent or tenacious. If you ask my husband those are kind of an annoying three words. I tend not to get batted down until I really get batted down!

LD: I think to start any kind of a business yourself–especially something that no one has really done before–you would have to be tenacious.

GB: Right, or just naïve. You should probably be both. People say you never would have done this if you knew how hard it would be. I say not in a million years. It’s been way more work and way more money than I thought, but today when I heard that (green newsletter) Ideal Bite sold to Disney for $20 million and I have a meeting with Disney tomorrow, I’m thinking, well, maybe there’s hope.

LD: I would imagine that probably the money motivation is great, but it’s not just the money motivation.

GB: No, not at all. If I can get one mother to know that she should get her mercury tested before she has children to save her the headache and all the things I went through, or one mother who has a child with allergies to avoid allergy shots when she switches to an organic mattress because it has less molds and dust, it would make my life perfect. Money is a validation as a woman that I appreciate as an independent person, but I’m doing this because of my passion.

Vital Stats: Gay Browne

Born: Lexington, Ky., April 21, 1960, which is fitting since sometimes it falls on Earth Day.

Family: Husband, Tony; children Alex (Young) 19, Colin, 9, and Katie, 7

Civic Involvement: Works with local environmental groups such as theCommunity Environmental Council and the Environmental Defense Center. “I’m also trying to work more with the mayor’s office in supporting policies that have to do with the environment.”

Professional Accomplishments: Founder of Greenopia. Before that, spent five years working in public relations and 10 years in media advertising, including Star Magazine, Travel and Leisure Magazine and the Los Angeles Times.

Best Book You’ve Read Recently: I loved Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I’m also reading The Comeback, which is case studies about women going back to work.

Little-Known Fact: “I just recently began telling people that I had an eating disorder at one point in my life. I didn’t used to actually admit that very often. … Given the chance of spending the day the way I choose, I will find a hammock or a couch and lie there almost all day and read. … People think because I’m energetic that I don’t need quiet time, but I really do need quiet time. They underestimate my need for quiet. That’s why I moved to Santa Barbara, because it was quiet.”

Did you know?

Healthful tips from Greenopia:

» If every American ate just one meal a week made of locally and organically raised meats and produce, it would reduce the country’s oil consumption by more than 1.1 million barrels of oil every week.

» Among conventionally raised produce, apples, bell peppers, celery, cherries, grapes (imported), lettuce, nectarines, peaches, pears, potatoes, spinach and strawberries are the highest in pesticides. The list of conventionally raised fruits and vegetables that are lowest in pesticides includes asparagus, avocados, bananas, broccoli, cabbage, eggplant, kiwi, mangoes, onions, pineapples, sweet corn (frozen) and sweet peas (frozen).

» Replace PVC shower curtains with a natural fiber or nylon alternative. That plastic smell comes from the toxic chemicals that make PVC (polyvinyl chloride).

» Pack leftovers in reusable glass containers instead of disposable plastic bags or containers, which are made from petroleum. Recycling helps a little, but only a fraction actually gets recycled. Additionally, items that are used once then discarded will sit in landfills or blow into waterways and cause harm.

» Buy local and reduce carbon emissions. The average piece of produce travels 1,500 miles to get a grocery store.

» Research has demonstrated that when compared with other household actions that limit carbon dioxide, taking public transportation can be more than 10 times greater in reducing the greenhouse gas. It takes one solo commuter of a household to switch his or her daily driving to using public transportation to reduce the household carbon footprint by 10 percent.

Originally published in Noozhawk on July 14, 2008.

Father Knows Best

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Image by nongpimmy

Image by nongpimmy

Though he spent a lot of my childhood hard at work on the football fields of Santa Barbara City College–calling plays, not mowing the lawn–and a lot of my adulthood on the golf course, playing poker, or retired on the couch–in deep snoring thought–my father still manages to provide his children and grandchildren with a lot of hard-earned, sensible advice.

While most fathers offer cliched wisdom about how they walked miles to school in the snow, or earned just pennies an hour for backbreaking labor, my Dad is nothing if not an original.

One of his favorite expressions is, “pain is your friend.” Thanks to my Dad this sage advice (good for skinned knees and bloody noses, bad for PMS) gets lobbed around our household almost daily. Ask any of my son’s soccer, basketball, chess or baseball teammates and coaches, and they will tell you that this is Koss’s favorite phrase. As the fortunate–or unfortunate–recipient of two generations worth of pent up Dinaberg testosterone, Koss now gets the advantage of Coach Bob’s advice on a regular basis.

Growing up with a football coach father, my mom, sister and I would often reflect on what a good thing it was that we didn’t have any boys in our family. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my sister and I both married guys who prefer golf, swimming and channel surfing to any sport where they might actually get hit.

Luckily for Grandpa Bob, Koss, his only male grandchild, loves to wrestle, tackle and play rough. Thanks to Gramps, Koss has embraced the idea of “pain is your friend” wholeheartedly. This is a good thing because as an only child, he needs all the friends he can get.

“Developmental tasks” are another favorite Dad-ism. With pain as our friend, if we couldn’t manage to play through it, we could always learn from it. Anything we didn’t want to do–like paint the sundeck or tar the roof–was a “developmental task” in Dad’s mind. Same thing with anything we wanted to do but couldn’t–like going to a parent-free party because “everyone else was going”–they all became “developmental tasks” for my sister Pam and I to learn from.

When I went through my own labor and delivery, I repeated both of these adages to myself, Dad, and I’m sorry to report that pain was most certainly NOT my friend, and my “developmental task” was to learn that I should have demanded an epidural at least two weeks before delivery.

I don’t think I ever realized it at the time, but those themes of learning from things that are painful or out of your control have played a big part in my life.

Time has a sneaky way of rewriting history.

Legend has it that the first thing my Dad said to my mom when he saw me at birth was: “Don’t worry, honey. We’ll buy her pretty clothes and develop her personality.”

Granted, this was 1963, I had a forceps-dented forehead, and the only labor fathers participated in those days was pacing the hospital halls and handing out cigars, so seeing this very un-Gerber-baby-like creature might have been a bit of a shock.

Why he repeats the story every birthday is another matter–yet here I am, sharing my pain with my friends. Thanks, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

Share your father’s wisdom with email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally appeared in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 13, 2008.

Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down With Charles Caldwell

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United Way’s Charles Caldwell has a lead role in the Power of Partnership Initiative for Santa Barbara, an ambitious, collaborative effort involving many community organizations. (Lou Fontana / Noozhawk photo)

United Way’s Charles Caldwell has a lead role in the Power of Partnership Initiative for Santa Barbara, an ambitious, collaborative effort involving many community organizations. (Lou Fontana / Noozhawk photo)

With a business card that touts his credentials as “Master of Mythology, Captain of Results,” it’s no surprise that United Way‘s Charles Caldwell has been tasked with heading up one of Santa Barbara’s “most ambitious and audacious” planning efforts to date.

Leslie Dinaberg: Can you explain what the Power of Partnership Initiative is?

Charles Caldwell: The Power of Partnership Initiative is a collaborative effort by many different organizations to see if we can create a long-term plan for children, seniors and families. Is there a way to work where we can come together and we can find some agreement and prioritize some of the most important things for us to focus on as we move down the road?

… For most organizations and individuals who work in the field, the future looks a little daunting or it looks challenging for a variety of different reasons. Less and less dollars … plus the very nature of the issues that are affecting children, families and seniors are growing more and more complex. Once upon a time you could have a single need or a single issue and then there would be one group that could fill that need and the child and the family would get back up on its feet and be ready to go. However, most of the systems we have in place were really built at a time of a more homogenous society where there weren’t the same kinds of needs as we have now.

LD: That’s an interesting way of looking at it.

CC: Our system as a whole has had some difficulty in being able to adapt and to focus on those changing needs, even though there have been Herculean efforts to do so.

… As funding is getting tighter … the pie is getting cut thinner, so as that happens, how is our community supposed to maintain its basic infrastructure and adapt to the changing future?

LD: So you initially addressed these issues as part of United Way’s internal planning with nonprofits and other stakeholders?

CC: Right. What they said is, “We think there needs to be some system for planning as a way of doing and we need a neutral facilitator who is helping with our strategic planning process.” … They said, “Somebody needs to get all these groups together so we can communicate as we look towards the future.”

And we said, “Who should do that?” The first person said, “United Way,” and then the next person said, “Yeah, United Way should do that,” and the next person said, “Yeah, United Way should do that.”

I was sitting in the back of the room with our president/CEO, Paul Didier, and we both looked up astonished because we weren’t holding these to jump into some giant community process.

… I get to the family session, very similar conversation. … Seniors same thing. So we went to our board and spoke to them, and they said, again, we weren’t looking to take this on, but it’s very interesting, go out and talk to community leaders, see what they think.

… It turned out, person after person–Bill Cirone, Brian Sarvis and Ron Werft– said, “this sounds like something our community really needs, what can I do to help?” We kept meeting with people and they kept saying the same thing. We met with Salud Carbajal, and Marty Blum and Paul Cordeiro down in Carpinteria and again and again they said, “this is audacious, this is challenging, but we need it in some way for approaching the future.”

LD: It sounds like an echo of what we’ve been hearing for years about the need to work together, but to actually take on the project is something else entirely.

CC: What became apparent from the beginning was that we needed to have a different kind of plan. We began to do research around the county … What began to become to become clear was that we needed to focus on a future plan that would be aspirational, that would be based on building on our community’s strengths rather than looking at what are the greatest needs, what are the greatest deficits, what are the gap based issues that we have to deal with.

…. United Way will pull the community together, but this is not a United Way plan, this is a community plan. To make that happen there had to be other funders and foundations who were willing to join in … pretty soon the Orfalea Fund came on board, the Santa Barbara Foundation, Hutton Foundation, the Bower Foundation, some of the real kind of proactive, great community foundations stepped up and said, “yeah, that’s great, let’s do this.”

LD: And one of the ways people can give their input is through filling out the community survey at http://www.partnershipsb.org/index.php?pr=Survey.

CC: Yes. And as we have that vision, we have those goals, then we begin to prioritize those goals and to develop strategies to achieve those goals, not over the next couple of years, but over ten years.

LD: It sounds really challenging.

CC: My conviction, as we’ve crafted this and we’ve talked to different individuals, is that the people out there, as well as the ones who work in the field, really want to believe that we can make measurable improvements on some of these issues.

Hopefully most people already know that there are so many wonderful different organizations and individuals that are just doing a tremendous amount of work in our community and that’s part of what makes our community so wonderful. … Yet literally billions of dollars are spent in the county, between private and public sources, to impact the lives of people and they do.

However when you step back and look at the broader picture, almost nobody that we’ve talked to has said that the basic conditions in our community are better than they were five-ten-15 years ago. What I have heard from individuals is if we’re doing all this activity, if we’re spending all this money, we’re impacting all these people and we’ve got the results to show that we’re doing it, all these groups do, and yet you look around and we’re not measurably improving some of these issues.

We need to rethink how we’re going about this–and that’s a little bit where we’re at.

LD: Has there been any discussion that this may entail some sacrifice?

CC: There has. I think that you’ve really put your finger on one of the greatest challenges for this initiative, which is can our community lift its viewpoint to those children and families or seniors and families that are out there and say what is the best thing for them? … People who work in the field said, “we understand that this is challenging and if we were able to do this, that there are some threats inherent to this. But you have to understand that those threats are already there. That funding is already being sliced thinner and thinner and thinner.”

… So it is absolutely a challenge and we as a community will be able to meet that challenge in direct relationship to the emphasis that we place on improving the lives of those people out there.

LD: That makes a lot of sense. This program is really interesting, but I also want to talk to you about yourself. Have you always worked in the nonprofit world?

CC: No, when I first came here I worked at the Earthling Bookshop; I was one of the managers of the Earthling Bookshop for about six, seven years.

LD: I miss the Earthling.

CC: I know. It still brings a sigh and a tear to almost everyone I talk to. And partly just for their feelings and partly for our changing community and that was an emblem in a sense of what Santa Barbara used to kind of hold a little bit more.

LD: What else do you do when you’re not working?

CC: A lot of my time is spent either through work or helping out with my mom, Doris, who is 82. She lives in town and she’s been living independently even after a heart attack and stroke. … I’ve been helping her out with a wide variety of needs. Outside of that, I have a close-knit group of friends that I’ve known for most of my time here.

LD: If you could pick three adjectives to describe yourself, what would they be?

CC: Passionate, original and authentic.

LD: If you could be invisible anywhere in Santa Barbara, what would you do?

CC: Go right up on stage at the bowl when one of my favorite bands or singers is performing…like Tony Bennett, Steely Dan, or the Raconteurs.

Vital Stats: Charles Caldwell

Born: August 19, 1963, in South Pasadena.

Family: Mother and brother both live in Santa Barbara.

Professional Accomplishments: Manager, Earthling Bookstore; Marketing Consultant, New York Times; Director of Special Projects, United Way.

Best Book You’ve Read Recently: The Passion of the Western Mind: Understanding the ideas that have shaped our worldview, by Richard Tarnas

Little-Known Fact: “I love to go fly-fishing in Montana!”

Originally published in Noozhawk on June 10, 2008. Click here to read the story on that site.

Shiny happy people

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sohp-logoI joined a secret society a couple of years ago. It’s taken me a while to write about it because, well, shush …it’s a secret society. Don’t tell anyone.

Plus I’m a little bit embarrassed or maybe just ambivalent about the whole thing. This is hard for me to confess, but I think I’m one of those shiny, happy people you sometimes hear about.

It all started when I ran across a news story about a group that was petitioning governors to establish a “National Admit You’re Happy Day.” At first I thought it was a joke. The group called itself “The Secret Society of Happy People.”

My initial snicker quickly snowballed into howls of laughter as I imagined Minnie Mouse and the munchkins gathered at secret society meetings. Did woodland creatures dress them all up in their Sunday best? Did animated birds make them cupcakes and chirpily clean up after the meetings were over?

Surely my co-workers thought I was certifiable, as I was laughing too hard to explain to them why I was laughing.

Still, my gut instinct told me that these people were on to something. After all, I was laughing at the mere mention of their name, so that had already made me happier. Not only that, my colleagues were laughing at me laughing–without even knowing what I was laughing about. This whole happiness thing was infectious.

I considered signing up for the society right then and there, but felt sort of embarrassed. Somewhere between Mr. Smith going to Washington and Mr. Stewart joking daily about Washington, just talking about being happy became kind of uncool. With the exceptions of wedding, funerals, graduations and Hallmark commercials, it’s become hipper to complain than to admit that you’re happy.

I have a twisted, ambivalent reaction to most overly cheerful, seemingly happy, people. I just don’t trust them. As William Feather put it, “One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person.”

It’s hard not to be cynical about happiness. Just look at pop culture’s obsession with brooding rock stars and drug addicted model-actress-whatevers, or comedy, which is so often laughter generated at the expense of others. Then there’s the post-9/11 reality we live in, where being happy sometimes seems, well, downright inappropriate.

But still, that ray of happiness keeps poking through.

Though I may mock the people who speak with more exclamation points than vowels (one more example of laughter generated at the expense of others), for the most part I am, I admit, generally happy.

I just I’m just one of the people who choose to see the glass as half full–and fill it to the brim whenever possible, provided there’s any wine left.

Maybe it was because the notion of “The Secret Society of Happy People” gave me the giggles, or maybe I just wanted to get a column out of it, but starting on that fateful day, I took the “Happy Challenge” to write down something that made me happy each day.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard. Sure, the words “chocolate,” “Margarita,” and “bedtime,” came up pretty frequently, but not as frequently as my husband’s and son’s names–which was kind of a relief. Also making the happy list was girls night out, living near the beach, free parking, great friends who don’t care how late–or how often–I call, nonfat lattes, editors that pay $1 a word (not this one, unfortunately), having my parents and sister live nearby (and not just for the free and frequent babysitting), book club, remembering to back up my computer, voicemail, hummingbirds, and whole host of other things that add up to a general feeling of contentment.

Contentment. Not ecstasy, or rapture, or bliss, but happiness, just the same. So even if our Governor hasn’t signed off on “National Admit You’re Happy Day“–yet–they can add my endorsement to the list.

Are there any other secretly happy people out there? Write to email . For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on June 6, 2008.

Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down With Sue Adams

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Sue Adams (courtesy photo)

Sue Adams (courtesy photo)

Since moving to Santa Barbara in 1957 to attend UCSB, Sue Adams has made her mark on our town in a myriad of different ways. Whether fighting for the rights of the homeless, advocating for the preservation of historic landmarks or working to get discounted healthcare for the poor, Adams pours her passion and remarkable energy into everything she does.

Leslie Dinaberg: Your husband Sam had a 34-year career as a track and field coach at UCSB. What was that like?

Sue Adams: He was gone weekends and didn’t get home till seven at night because of the team’s efforts, endeavors, training, so I pretty much had control of the household. … Our daughter Wendy was born with a lot of physical anomalies. What people would call a handicap, for her they were just challenges and she had probably about nine serious things wrong, including cleft lip and palate, kidneys that wouldn’t work, a heart that was defective, a huge series of things that we had to be in the hospital a lot to reconstruct.

And so Wendy was in fact the bionic woman, she was just an amazing individual …our second child was born about 15 months later, and his name is John and he and Wendy were best friends. And continued to take care of each other all of their young adult lives until Wendy passed away when she was 34.

LD: Wow. And now you’re a caregiver for your husband, who has Alzheimer’s. How do you manage to still do so much volunteer work?

SA: I think that it’s really important that I continue to say yes because I think I will then have something left.

…I like my balance as far as community giving, being a preservationist, being concerned about the beauty of this community and preserving it, the growth and how it grows and also the social causes. Trying to keep this community balanced, from being grasping and greedy to giving back as much as people can give. I think this is the reason why this community has thrived.

LD: Now you’re involved with the Courthouse Legacy Foundation and Save the Missions, what else?

SA: In the preservation world, I’m always a member of Citizens Planning Association…I’m also a member of the Historic Landmarks Advisory Commission for the County (HLAC). I’ve been in that for years, struggling to keep landmarks from being demolished. …. So that part is one hat and the other hat is the social justice hat and that is what are we doing about our homeless. … I think we need to be a little bit more brotherly and sisterly towards those that are compromised. … I’m the Board of Casa Esperanza and truly believe in funding those institutions that are getting people back on their feet. To know that within the last month 64 people were taken out of homelessness and put into housing makes my day.

LD: That’s great.

SA: That is great. … Giving credit where credit is due is what my real theme is. It’s not me, it’s never me, it’s knowing the people who know how to get the job done. That’s who I am, is I know who to call. I know who to call, and that’s basically what this community is all about, it’s volunteerism. People who actually roll up their sleeves and do their work. … Along with that is the St. Cecilia Society, which is one of my fondest passions, and that is one of the oldest charities in Santa Barbara.

LD: And that’s healthcare?

SA: Providing payment for healthcare. Saint Cecilia was the patron saint of music … the women who founded the St. Cecilia Society had marvelous musical talent. … They all came to Santa Barbara as a result of the forming of Cottage Hospital and the Sansum Clinic … (they were the wives of the doctors) and they all loved music and they got together and would jam. … So they decided to have fundraisers. … And then they provided money for a bed at Cottage Hospital for the poor. That was how they began…and that tradition continues.

LD: That’s such a nice history.

SA: It’s wonderful. To be a part of that is absolutely wonderful. The humanitarianism of that is that when you make a phone call to a provider …and say, “I understand that you have a bill in collections that is $7,000. I would like to negotiate with you and pay the balance on that account. Would you consider a discount of 40%?” And they are saying are you out of your mind? … And about two days later they call me back and say you’ve got it for 50% off.

LD: Wow, that’s amazing.

SA: Isn’t that wonderful? Now it doesn’t happen all the, but it does happen with a lot of other people in the medical community. …We leverage our money a great deal by telling people how wonderful they can be.

LD: That’s great. And are volunteers making those kinds of phone calls?

SA: I make that call, but the board is the one who decides, they determine how many people we can help a month.

LD: Are you able to do that part of your volunteer work from home when you’re here with Sam? I would imagine you do have a fair number of meetings out of the house.

SA: Well at board meetings, Sam has become a fixture. … I do a lot of work for them and if those people cannot handle Sam in the room then there’s something wrong. They need to be aware of the fact that people are compromised and they are part of your community just as much as everybody else is.

LD: How active is he able to be?

SA: Every day I insist that we take a walk. …. It’s very important to keep him moving and … he needs to be dressed and bathed and his food prepared. He wouldn’t be able to get in and out of bed without support, so I’m very needed.

LD: I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to be devoting yourself 100%.

SA: …Sam grew up with that ethic that nothing was as important as taking care of the house and his needs. He was an anachronism. … When I started my business back in 1978 (the Footnote shoe store) the dynamics of our family went crashing because Sam was furious that I was competing, that I had another life.

… One of the reasons why I needed to go to work was because we had tremendous medical bills with Wendy. She was in the hospital with probably 50 different surgeries.

LD: How long did you have the store?

SA: The Goleta store was 15 years and then we ended up in the Santa Barbara store and so that was really 19 years.

It was wonderful. I loved it. It was so great. I just really enjoyed it. People never forget it too.

LD: So did you sell the Footnote or close it?

SA: They say after the loss of a child, that you should stay in business or do what you’re doing for at least a year. … I stayed in business for a year, but Wendy, in the last month before her death she said, “Mom, retail is wonderful but it’s starting to tell on you. Get into something else. Do something else. Find another thing to do. You are loving being a part of something bigger.” That time I was part of the Coalition to Provide Support and Shelter to Santa Barbara’s Homeless, that was the precursor to Casa Esperanza, and so she said, “You really do well with that, mom.”

LD: That’s interesting that your daughter sort of nudged you in that direction.

SA: Yes, she definitely nudged me in that direction. I think you can count money for just so long and think that most often you’re not affected by the bottom line financial aspects of life and I’m a dreamer, I am who I am because I am a woman of dreams and to be grounded by money is not necessarily a good place for me. It is for many because they can handle it better than I, but I didn’t want to be focused only on money. It’s not good for my soul.

LD: Other than your book clubs, is there anything that you do that is really just for you?

SA: Gardening. Natural beauty reduces me to tears and if I can help promote it in my own backyard it’s an environment that gives me great pleasure

LD: If you could pick three adjectives to describe yourself, what would they be?

SA: Shy, insecure, and needing to help.

LD: It’s interesting to me that you describe yourself as shy but you’re pounding down the doors of insurance companies for other people.

SA: You can be courageous for others. But I still have to catch my breath right before I start talking.

Vital Stats: Sue Adams

Born: Oakland, CA, November 29, 1938

Family: Husband Sam, daughter Wendy (deceased), son John, daughter-in-law Aster and granddaughters Kaiya (age 4) and Mateya (age 2).

Civic Involvement: Pearl Chase Society; Courthouse Legacy Foundation; Citizens Planning Association; Save the Missions; Historic Landmarks Advisory Commission for the County; Casa Esperanza; St. Cecilia Society; CAMA; Community Kitchen.

Professional Accomplishments: Steno pool at UCSB; Preschool Teacher at El Montecito Early School; Owner of the Footnote shoe store.

Little-Known Fact: “In my next life, I would love to be a great dancer. I haven’t been given that this lifetime and I guess what I’m doing is dancing the best I can in another way.”

Originally published in Noozhawk on June 2, 2008. Click here to read the article on that site.