As fun as it is to vent to the other moms about that horrid boy who passed out his birthday party invitations on the playground and passed over my kid (who could have cared less), there’s something much more satisfying about putting it down in writing.
Psychology Today backs me up.
A recent university study found that writing about stressful experiences actually reduces physical symptoms in patients with chronic illnesses and stress.
For someone like me who is too short on time and money to delve into real therapy, writing is the next best thing. And actually getting paid for it — even underpaid — is a small miracle. Talk about psychotherapy for cheapskates. I even found a website, www.JournalGenie.com, that will analyze your writing and respond “with insightful comments about your emotions — insights that can lead to self-discovery.”
Since they offered a five-day free trial, I figured I’d give it a try.
The first thing I had Genie analyze was an email I sent to my friend Jacqueline.
“Typical Saturday. Soccer game in the morning, then I rushed to buy a birthday present for a party that afternoon. Trying to buy a birthday gift for one 5-year-old and avoid the whining (‘I want a toy too. How come it’s never my birthday?’) from your own 5-year-old is always a challenge. Would I be such a terrible mother if I bought him a toy just to buy myself a few minutes of peace? Anyway, I hope your weekend was more exciting than mine.”
Pretty tame, right? I bet similar emails were whirring back and forth all over the country that morning.
You won’t believe how Genie responded!
“I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but from what I can see, you appear to be experiencing some depressing feelings and I’m wondering how long you may have been feeling this way.”
What do you mean I’m depressed? I’m not depressed, I’m just complaining about how busy I am. That’s what mothers do! That’s how we bond. You must not have children.
Genie continued, “When a person is depressed, they often behave in a way that reinforces the depression. Ask yourself ‘If I weren’t depressed, what would I do today?’ Then, take a deep breath and go do it.”
Genie, you’re brilliant. How could I have doubted you? Sorry about the barren womb comment.
I take my fake doctor’s orders to my boss and tell him I need a mental health day. He says, “Yeah, right,” which my old depressed self might have misinterpreted as sarcastic. My new, happy, self gets a massage at Sea Spa in Montecito, which costs about as much as my first car did, but is worth every penny.
I float back into work on a cloud of relaxation, until I learn that my health insurance won’t cover the massage, and my boss won’t cover my salary for the missed day. This time, his “you might really need a mental health day” comment does sound sarcastic.
As Major Nelson would say, “Genie!”
I vent at Genie, really let her have it.
I feel better. Writing is good therapy. I’m practically back to my massage-induced bliss.
Then I read the shrew’s response.
“Based on your writing, it seems as though you could be feeling pretty disappointed in yourself, possibly for not living up to your own expectations … As Theodore Roosevelt said ‘Far better is it to dare mighty things . . . than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.'”
Not that I want to argue with the insights of a Nobel Peace Prize winner — or a computer — but Genie’s starting to bug me.
I try another entry, a column I wrote about driving with my dad.
Genie says, “I’m picking up a pretty significant level of depression today. Did you know that depression, if left untreated, breeds even more depression?”
You know what else breeds depression? Someone constantly telling you how depressed you are.
It’s like when you go to work without lipstick and someone asks you if you’re feeling sick. I was feeling just fine until you pointed out how pale I look.
The big mouth Genie interrupts my rant. ” That’s why it’s so important to take some form of action about what you may be feeling today, no matter how minute. Some people find it helps to try and silence the negative comments that the mind keeps repeating. If possible, try replacing those thoughts with a positive affirmation.”
Positive affirmation? I can do that. I type the word “happy” into the website 89 times.
Genie replies, “Your journal entry today rates an ‘A’ on the human relationships grade card.”
Great, except I’m having a relationship with a computer program … and I’ve only got her for a five-day free trial.
She continues, ” I may be off base, but is it possible you’re thinking about a love interest? Whatever is behind the feelings coming across in your writing, it seems pretty clear that you may be feeling a real heart-connection. Many people only feel comfortable connecting on a superficial level.”
You mean like people who try to get free therapy from a computer program, or by venting about their personal issues in a newspaper column?
And then I read the fine print: “Journal Genie’s response may NOT be accurate for a Journal Entry of less than 90 words.”
Oh, I guess that explains it.
Happy, happy, happy.