{"id":3865,"date":"2006-09-08T00:00:00","date_gmt":"1970-01-01T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lesliedinaberg.com\/wordpress\/?p=3865"},"modified":"2016-06-13T11:23:29","modified_gmt":"2016-06-13T18:23:29","slug":"happy-birthday-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lesliedinaberg.com\/wordpress\/?p=3865","title":{"rendered":"Happy Birthday to Me"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Photo courtesy George Hodan, PublicDomainPictures.net.<\/p><\/div>\n

When I was born they had to use forceps, which screwed up my face. Family lore has it that dad\u2019s first words upon seeing his firstborn were (to my mom): \u201cIt\u2019s okay honey, we\u2019ll buy her pretty clothes<\/a> and develop her personality.\u201d<\/p>\n

My husband gets a big kick out of that one. Until I remind him that now it\u2019s his <\/i>turn to buy me pretty clothes, and maybe a diamond trinket or two.<\/p>\n

Like that\u2019s ever going to happen.<\/p>\n

He has lowered the bar on my expectations down so low that I\u2019m thrilled if he remembers to make dinner reservations, and positively orgasmic if he deigns to call a babysitter. So maybe he learned something at Harvard.<\/p>\n

The one thing he doesn\u2019t have to be subtly reminded about is the all-important cake. The chocolate cake<\/a>. We settled that issue early on in our relationship.<\/p>\n

I was young and na\u00efve and googly-eyed in love at the time, and tickled to death when my future husband took me out for a lovely birthday dinner. My favorite friends were all there, the food was great, the drinks were plentiful, and he had even bought me the perfect pair of earrings I had slyly hinted might flatter my lobes.<\/p>\n

After a rough, first year start\u2014\u201cnot every girl dreams of a boyfriend who will give her a $3.99 birthday gift from K-Bee Toys,\u201d I explained, gently\u2014it seemed like Zak was finally starting to \u201cget\u201d me.<\/p>\n

It was that night that I started to think our relationship might not just be a phase (which my sister still thinks), that he might actually be \u201cthe one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then he took me home, and the trouble began. There was no cake. No cake! Not just no chocolate cake, which would have been a near-fatal error in itself, not an ill-advised angel food concoction or an unfortunate cheesecake. Not even a pineapple upside down cake!<\/p>\n

I was about ready to turn Zak upside down when he offered the pitiful excuse, \u201cBut we just had cr\u00e8me brulee at the restaurant. With a candle.\u201d\u00a0 And what on earth did that have to do with my missing birthday cake?<\/p>\n

He truly didn\u2019t get it.<\/p>\n

In my family, birthdays are a big deal. They last at least a month, with both family and friend versions of the celebration. In recent years we\u2019ve widened the spectrum a bit to include the family with and without kids celebrations, and the friends with and without kids celebrations, which should pretty much fill my calendar until Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n

Cake is mandatory, but candles are optional. However, as my husband learned the hard way (\u201cit\u2019s just a flesh wound, darling\u201d), the proper way to count out birthday candles is your age plus \u201cone to grow on.\u201d This is science, and his family is clearly medieval.<\/p>\n

And by the way, I saw a really cute purse on sale downtown. I think it would look great with my personality.<\/p>\n

Leslie will be accepting birthday wishes\u2014and cake\u2014for the next several months at Leslie@LeslieDinaberg.com.<\/p>\n

Originally appeared in the\u00a0Santa Barbara Daily Sound<\/a>\u00a0on September 8, 2006.<\/p>\n

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