Big Wisdom From a Little Person

Photo by Arsel Ozgurdal

Photo by Arsel Ozgurdal

My 8-year-old son came home on Saturday with a giant trophy in his hands, and an even bigger smile on his face. He had won second place in a chess tournament for grades K-3 (or as I like to call it, Nerdapalooza). He couldn’t have been happier if he had won the lottery. Unlike his father and I–who can read each other’s minds at this point in our marriage–it had never occurred to Koss that as a third grader and one of the oldest kids competing, he had a very good chance of winning that tournament without exhibiting any actual aptitude for the game.

But rather than second guessing the competition, or doubting his own skills, as I probably would have, winning that trophy made Koss happy, and that was all there was to it. As his mom I’ve spent most of his life teaching him things–how to cross the street safely or how to cross his eyes–but that Saturday I realized that he has a lot to teach me as well.

Here’s what I’ve learned recently:

When you do something well, be happy about it.

It’s easy to forget to feel proud of yourself. While Koss is not going to be challenging Bobby Fischer any time soon, he learned how to play chess this year and he loves it. The look of pure satisfaction on his face when he gets to say “checkmate”–which is pretty often when he plays against me–is so much fun to see. We should all take such delights in the pure pleasure of doing something better today than we did yesterday.

It’s all about perspective.

Our house is not exactly a showpiece. We live in a shack. Literally, the embroidered pillow on our couch that says “Unabomber Shack” is not an exaggeration. But Koss loves our cozy little house and can’t imagine living anywhere better. When friends come over after school, he brags to them that, “this is probably the smallest house you’ve ever seen,” and he can’t wait to show it off. Life would sure be a lot easier if I felt that way.

Eat until you get full, then stop.

Sometimes Koss eats a ton. Sometimes he has a bite of everything on his plate (usually at my insistence) and then he’s outa there. Unlike most adults, he actually eats when he’s hungry and stops when he’s full. He’s lean, he’s active and he likes to eat his vegetables. Except of course when he doesn’t like to eat his vegetables, because he’s not hungry.

There’s nothing to be gained from being shy.

From the time that he was teeny, Koss has made new friends almost everywhere we go. He never hesitates to walk up to someone and say hello or ask questions if there’s something he wants to know. He never worries about looking stupid or being rejected. “If you want to know something you’ve got to ask, mom.” No kidding.

Good trying is sometimes even better than good results.

I burned his bagel the other morning. When I apologized, Koss said, “That’s okay, it was good trying, mommy,” then proceeded to eat around the burnt parts.

Whatever you’re doing, don’t forget to make it fun.

Koss has a way of making a game out of just about anything he does. Why? “It’s more fun that way, mom.” Even in the midst of the most mundane task, like putting recycling into our bin, he’s juggling plastic bottles, shooting baskets with them, never missing the opportunity to make the most of every minute.

What a great lesson. I think I’ll go play with him right now!

Tell Leslie what your kids have taught you lately at email.
Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on March 14, 2008.

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