Hospice offers tips for dealing with grief in the workplace

“People who grieve the death of a loved one are going to grieve it wherever they are,” said Hospice of Santa Barbara executive director Gail Rink, adding, and that includes the workplace.

Educating local businesses about how to deal with grief in the workplace and the free services Hospice provides was the subject of a Feb. 24 luncheon.

“It’s a passion for me that you people get a message,” said Rink, as she spoke eloquently about her struggles at work — even in an office that deals daily with death and dying — after her brother was murdered in Georgia. “Death is a very personal event and grief is a very personal event.”

When a coworker suffers a loss, feelings and symptoms of grief can take weeks, months and even years to manifest. “We have triggers in grief that come out of the blue — we can’t control them,” said Joanne Talbot, director of counseling services for Hospice.

There are still ripples in the workplace from the 2002 drowning death of 14-year-old Katie Janeway at Los Banos pool, said acting Santa Barbara Parks & Recreation Director Nancy Rapp. She said she saw a lot of different reactions.

“We had staff who were in denial, we had people who absolutely couldn’t function at all, and everything in between,” said Rapp, who brought in Hospice counselors as part of the response team. They were flexible and provided bilingual counseling when needed, and it was all free, she said.

When one of the counselors in the Department of Rehabilitation died suddenly, Kathy Humphries also brought in Hospice to help. The staff not only had to deal with their own grief, they also had to deal with reactions from that counselor’s clients. “Joanne came in to talk to people about their memories of those people,” said Humphries.

After the death of a coworker, employees can be distracted by emotions that range from confusion to chaotic pain, from dismay to devastation. Hospice advises that organizing an employee support group can provide an avenue for staff to discuss their feelings openly and address ways to deal with grief as a cohesive group.

When a coworker is grieving the death of a loved one, that grief will inevitably be brought into the workplace. Employers should be aware that returning to the workplace can be overwhelming and employees may be tempted to quit for fear of failure or to reduce the pressure on them. Hospice advises employers concerned about the loss of productivity to also consider the alternative cost of replacing an otherwise well-trained employee. Coworkers are told to listen but know they can’t resolve the grief, ask if they can help out, include the grieving person in work projects, ask occasionally about deceased, and alert a supervisor if they seem to be getting worse.

For more information about the free services available from Hospice of Santa Barbara, call 563.8820 or visit www.hospiceofsantabarbara.org.

Grief in the Workplace: What you should know

  • Hidden grief costs U.S. companies more than $75 billion annually, according to the Grief Recovery Institute.
  • Approximately 30 days of work is lost for each employee grieving the death of a loved one.

Grief in the Workplace: What to say

A simple word means a great deal when a person suffers a loss. Saying the “wrong” thing hurts less than saying nothing at all.

Appropriate words include:

“I am sorry to hear about your loss.”

“I heard about your loss. I don’t know what to say.”

A simple shared memory is helpful. “Remember the story you told me about … [the deceased].”

Avoid these phrases:

“You’ll get over it.”

“I know how you feel.” Each person’s loss is unique.

“It was God’s will,” or “God never gives us more than we can bear,” or “At least she isn’t suffering.”

— Source: National Hospice Organization

Originally published in South Coast Beacon on March 3, 2005.

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