Don Ameche and Frances Langford as John and Blanche Bickerson (Wikipedia)
I believe that there’s always a silver lining. This one fell in my lap, in the form of a magazine article titled “Bickering Has Benefits.”
A study by the University of Michigan School of Public Health found a bright side to marital blowouts. Following nearly 200 couples for 17 years, researchers found that when people in a marriage suppressed their anger toward each other (rather than arguing), they had twice the risk of dying early, compared to couples that shared their emotions.
Got that honey? Fighting is good for us.
It gets better. According to the study, even if just one partner spoke up and resolved their conflict, they still got the benefit of bickering.
When I talk to my husband in a slightly loud and elevated tone, say, to gently bring his attention to something that needs doing around the house, I often feel like I’m talking to myself. But thanks to this study I’ve realized that it doesn’t really matter. Even letting him have it when he’s glued to the television or half asleep, it’s still good for MY health.
Got that honey? Fighting is good for both of us even when it’s just good for me.
There’s something sort of comforting about knowing that fighting is actually healthy for a relationship.
I grew up devouring romance novels and romantic movies. It took me a long time to figure out why there are relatively few romances written about marriage or long-term couplehood. The romantic-comedy formula is all about getting to fall in love–or getting to fall back to love–and after that the couple is on their own to live, well, presumably, happily ever after.
So what if they turn into the Bickerson’s before the honeymoon is paid for–no one wants to fork over ten bucks (plus another ten for popcorn and milk duds) to watch that movie.
The truth is–as much as we’d all like to believe that good unions float through life on a featherbed of love and roses, mutual respect, and kind words–the reality is that as much as you may love your partner, sometimes you just want to throttle him. And that’s okay. In fact, fighting is more than okay; it may even help you live longer.
Isn’t it great to know that spousal spats may actually serve a larger purpose than making you feel better by getting it off your chest? I knew that silence wasn’t really golden.
The best marriage advice I ever got was to talk it out. And if he’s not listening, keep talking and talking and talking until he hears what you’re saying and gives in.
Got that, honey? Did you hear me? Are you listening to me at all? You may as well turn off the TV and listen. Then again, your need to space out while pretending to listen attentively meshes perfectly with my need to talk everything out to the last detail. They really should make a romantic comedy about us.
We’re going to live forever.