Halloween is still one of my favorites.
It’s unpredictable. How else would you ever know that your staid insurance agent had a slutty nurse fantasy or that your rowdy next door neighbor has secretly always wanted to be a nun?
If you’re lucky you get to do the Monster Mash at a party where dastardly drinks, murderous martinis, and creepy cocktails are served. Plus there’s no cooking involved and plenty of chocolate. What’s not to like?
While Halloween once undoubtedly wore the holiday crown with pride, a bunch of new holidays have since cropped up. Rather than try to keep up with all of them-there are hundreds and it’s so hard to know what Hallmark and the rest of the cool kids will be celebrating by 2020-I’ve decided to do you a favor and provide you with my very own hand-selected list of favorites.
For example, I bet you don’t know that November 1, the day after Halloween, is not just Why They Call That Hangover Cocktail a Bloody Mary Day but also the Third Annual Give Up Your “Shoulds” Day. According to founder Damon L. Jacobs, for this one day we are invited to “give up a certain ‘should’ that leads to stress, guilt, misery, or any sort of sadness.” Last year people gave up “shoulds” like “I should clean the house,” “I should go to the gym,” “I should be making more money” and “I should stop eating all of the leftover Halloween candy.”
I’m not too sure about celebrating “Give Up Your Shoulds” Day, first because I would never give up candy on principle, and second, because if I gave up “shoulds” I fear it “would” leave me with nothing to talk about.
I would, however, definitely like to celebrate Cookie Monster Day on November 2, which I hope is brought to you by the letter “C” for chocolate chips. We’ll be celebrating at our house, in case anyone wants to stop with by with a batch of the white chocolate macadamia nut kind.
Stay Home Because You’re Well Day (November 30) also has potential-not that I would ever do that, boss-as do National Chocolate Covered Anything Day (December 16), No Interruptions Day (December 31) and National Compliment Day (January 24).
Of course I can’t leave out my favorite Seinfeld holiday Festivus, “for the rest of us,” featuring an undecorated aluminum pole in place of a Christmas tree and an “Airing of Grievances,” where everyone gets to air out their grudges and bitterness toward each other. Don’t you just love family traditions?
I’d certainly like to make Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day (January 31) one of our traditions; especially if the bubble wrap is wrapped around that new Mac Laptop I’ve had my eye on.
For February we’ll be celebrating Spunky Old Broads Day (February 1), which kicks off Spunky Old Broads Month. There’s also Laugh and Get Rich Day on February 8th and Read in the Bathtub Day on February 9th, both worthy activities for this spunky old broad.
I’m also looking forward to Barbie Day on March 9th, Potato Chip Day on March 14th and National She’s Funny That Way Day on March 31st.
In April there’s Tangible Karma Day on the 2nd, National Deep Dish Pizza Day on the 5th and Talk Like Shakespeare Day on the 23rd. In May we’ve got National Two Different Colored Shoes Day on the 3rd, Respect for Chickens Day on the 4th, National Day of Reason on the 5th (where I reason I’ll have a couple of margaritas out of respect for Cinco De Mayo), Tuba Day on the 6th and Free Comic Book Day on the 7th. So much to celebrate. Thank goodness I get that week off for the holidays.
Next it’s time to do Do-Dah Day (June 4), Upsy Daisy Day (June 8), Please Take My Children to Work Day (June 27) and National Columnists Day (June 28) one I’m sure you’ll all be celebrating by sending me chocolate samples so I can write about my favorites for National Chocolate Day (July 7). July also brings SCUD (Savor the Comic, Unplug the Drama) Day on the 8th, Embrace Your Geekiness Day on the 13th and National Talk in an Elevator Day on July 29th.
Crackers Over the Keyboard Day is August 28th and the 30th is National Toasted Marshmallow Day. September is my birthday month, so of course we’ll all be celebrating all month long and through the first couple of weeks of October. Then we’ve got National Chocolate Cupcake Day on the 18th, iPod Day on the 23rd, World Psoriasis Day on the 29th and before we know it, Halloween will be here again.
I’d better go get my costume ready.