Yearly Archives: 2008

Shopaholic Hunts for Deals

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confessions_of_a_shopaholic_ver4It’s hard to believe when you look at my closet today, but I am actually a recovering Shopaholic. Hanging out at the mall was once my favorite way to spend an afternoon. Forget the fact that my retail therapy addiction resulted in a ridiculous amount of credit card debit–those banana clips, big belts, and acid washed jeans at Limited Express were just too cute to resist–I am probably personally responsible for the recent stock market dive since I gave up shopping as a hobby just about the same time that subprime mortgages came into vogue.

However, even in my daze of Shopaholic frenzy, I had certain boundaries that I wouldn’t cross. It was more than okay to spend $200 in an afternoon, but I would never spend $200 on a single item. As much as I loved to shop, there was a certain price point barrier that I just couldn’t overcome.

When it comes to shopping, my philosophy has always been that more is more. I’m sure I got that from my mother, who heads straight to the sale rack in every store she enters. I can’t tell you how many perfect pairs of boots or jeans I’ve passed up over the years (and still dream of sometimes) because I just couldn’t stomach the price tags.

I bit my tongue the other day when my sister-in-law told me she was buying my niece a $400 dress for a dance. The only dress I’ve ever owned that cost that much was my wedding dress.

Given my ambivalence about shopping, you can imagine my mixed feelings when I read about Sarah Palin’s $150,000 spree. Okay, technically the Republican National Committee’s $150,000 shopping spree FOR Sarah Palin.

My first reaction was, admittedly, incredible jealousy. What woman hasn’t dreamed of having a fairy godmother/personal shopper come and drop a stylish new wardrobe in her lap? It was the same kind of seething envy I felt years ago when lunching with an actress friend who let it slip out that now that she finally had a part on a TV show and could afford to shop to her heart’s content, designers were sending her free Wayfarer sunglasses and Reeboks in the hopes that “People Magazine” would take her picture while she was wearing them.

Ah, the irony of it all.

“Ah, the irony of it all” was my second reaction to the Palin fashion scandal too. While the $150,000 shopping spree price tag is eyebrow raising, if not jaw dropping, in and of itself, juxtaposing it with her winky winky Wasilla mom at Wal-mart shtick is the part that gets me hot under the collar of my Ross-Dress-For-Less sweatshirt.

While personally I consider Target (pronounced “Tarjay”) to be the Mecca of mom-approved fashion, the last time I checked they weren’t carrying Jimmy Choos or Valentino.

I actually considered that same style of Masunaga glasses that Palin wears when I was shopping for new frames last year, but my insurance wouldn’t cover enough of the $400 price tag. You’d think a woman who hunts for moose and wolves would be a little better at hunting for bargains.

But what do I know, really, about shopping. I’m just a soccer/flag football/basketball/chess club/baseball mom, who mostly works at home in her pajamas. I’m also a recovering Shopaholic who could apparently–talk about ironic–teach the Republican National Committee a few things about money management.

As Cindi Leive, the editor in chief of Glamour Magazine, told the “New York Times,” “My first reaction when I heard about this was, ‘Honey, I could have dressed you for a lot less than that.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Share your shopping budget woes with email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 31, 2008.

Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down With Erika Carter

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Artist Erika Carter (courtesy photo)

Artist Erika Carter (courtesy photo)

Downtown Santa Barbara’s 1st Thursday events have grown into a popular hive of art, music and wine, and few spots are buzzier than Erika Carter’s Studio 3 East gallery, (http://www.erikacarter.com/) located at 3 East De La Guerra Street above Starbuck’s. Here Carter, a Santa Barbara native, talks with Leslie Dinaberg about living an artful life.

Leslie Dinaberg: What are you working on now?

Erika Carter: It’s a holiday show. It will be the third annual show for Donna Asycough and myself … this one is “Arbol de Vida” which is the “Tree of Life.” … The paintings I do are all retablos; those are the little tin devotional paintings, folk art. …This year I’ll be doing 100 of them.

LD: Wow.

EC: Yeah, I know. It’s a lot of work. Donna and I are both just very passionate about Mexico. We can’t get enough of it.

LD: How do you psych up to do 100 paintings?

EC: It’s insane. I get all the tins out; I prep them all at the same time. Most of them are collage transfers, so I take photographs, transfer them, and do some things. … This is all collage, this is all photo transfer, and then I paint on it too as well, so it’s a mixture. I’ll go and I’ll photograph like crazy and then I’ll come back and start looking at my images, start laying them out and then I get to a point where they all get started. They’ll all be to a point where there will be 100 of them sitting there and I’ll start cranking and it will be 10 hour days.

LD: And do you primarily paint here in the studio?

EC: This is it, so it will be a mess in November. It’s very sad for the artist (Melissa Gill) showing here in November.

LD: There’s something kind of cool about that because most gallery space isn’t studio space.

EC: No. This was originally a studio space, that’s all it was, and for me to survive and have a studio space which of course wasn’t as big as it is now, was to start doing shows to help pay the rent, which has been really great. I would do a show, have a few friends, and hang some artwork for the weekend. Then people started hearing about the gallery space and it grew and now I’m booked through 2009.

LD: Wow. That’s awesome.

EC: Well it’s awesome and it’s not awesome because it’s a lot of responsibility for the next year. It’s a little scary because of economic times. … We break even; no one is getting rich up here, it just pays for itself. When I have my shows I make money. I’m lucky because my stuff sells, but that’s when I make money because I keep my 50 percent. So I try to do two to three shows a year and that kind of pays me, then the rest of the year the shows that we have up pay for the space, and sometimes it does pay more.

LD: Do you also do events? It’s such a cool space.

EC: Yes, we’ve done lots of private birthday parties here and stuff like that, so that’s great. On 1st Thursdays we have a liquor license too, so we sell lots of wine–that helps.

LD: So have 1st Thursdays helped your business?

EC: Yes. I think it’s great exposure. It’s definitely daunting at times because you know how fast three weeks goes by. I’ve got to take down a show, put up a show, it’s really hectic. It gets really crazy. And I just signed up for another year of it.

LD: So you’re obligated to be open.

EC: Yes. We’re open Tuesday through Saturday 12 to 5 and obligated just to the artists that have shows here. They’re all painting right now for their upcoming shows. It’s kind of a scary time. It’s like wow, I hope we sell something.

LD: Maybe people should stop investing in the stock market and buy art.

EC: Well it’s funny; I was just talking to somebody about that. … It is where people should invest. I mean it’s a good investment compared to the stock market.

LD: The pieces are one of a kind.

EC: Yeah, exactly. It exists, it is what it is, and it usually almost always holds its value. And you’re enhancing your living space, or your attic. Whatever.

… (Running the gallery) it’s been great, what I’ve learned is invaluable. Every aspect, working with groups of artists, getting to know all of the artists in Santa Barbara, being part of that. That’s a hard thing to break into.

LD: But you’ve been an artist in Santa Barbara for a really long time.

EC: I have. But it’s really easy for me to just close my doors and sit in front of my canvas and not talk to anybody for weeks. Even though I’ve been painting here forever and ever, it’s very easy to get locked into your own little world and talk to maybe two artists. You know of all the other artists but you’re not really communicating. It’s much different when you actually have created a space and now you can actually show their work. They just come to you and it’s been great. I mean the art I’ve seen and the people, it’s all been really great.

LD: Prior to this did you have a studio somewhere else?

EC: No. I’ve been here almost 20 years. … When I moved in here this was lower State Street. Paseo Nuevo did not exist. When I moved in here everything was shut down around us, everything was boarded up, my rent was $250 and it was that little teeny room over there. … Nicole Strasburg (http://www.nicolestrasburg.com/ ) was in the unit over there and Liz Brady (http://www.lizbradyart.com/ ) was here too, she had my little space and some tattoo artist had been there. When I moved in the room was tattooed, the ceilings and beer cans, it was so hideous.

LD: It’s totally cool now and has a very different feel from most galleries.

EC: That was kind of the point too. I don’t like walking into galleries. I never have. I’ve always felt that they’re too reserved; it’s just a little too snooty or elitist. I don’t have that problem now, but when I was much younger I just felt really intimidated. For a long time I just used to show in coffee shops, which is still great. I still encourage people to do that. Just hang your art wherever you can in this town.

LD: Have you always wanted to be an artist?

EC: No. Isn’t that funny. I never thought I was talented enough to be an artist. I don’t even really call myself that now. It’s kind of a stretch. It’s not a stretch because that’s what people need to title you something, but it’s definitely something you’re always trying to achieve. You’re hopefully always getting better and getting more secure with your work. Some paintings you make and you’re like wow, I did that. I can’t believe I did that it’s amazing and then other stuff you can spend two weeks on something and go holy sh*t I can’t paint. What was I thinking?

Vital Stats: Erika Carter

Born: Santa Barbara (St. Francis Hospital) on October 25, 1962.

Family: Husband Dr. David Dart; son Carter, age 20; five adult stepchildren and their six children.

Civic Involvement: ” I look at it as my civic duty is that I am showing local artists and allowing them to either start their careers or continue them.”

Professional Accomplishments: Artist, owner of Studio 3 East gallery.

Little-Known Fact: “I’m not high energy at all (laughs). A lot of people think that I am. They think that I’ve just got tons of energy and I’m not. I fight for my energy, definitely. I love a good nap in the middle of the day.”

Originally published in Noozhawk in October 2008. Click here to read the story on that site.

No rest in restroom

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cbenjasuwan/freedigitalimages.net

cbenjasuwan/freedigitalimages.net

Among the many mysteries of womanhood, men often wonder why we take so long in the bathroom. My husband once told me that he assumed women’s bathroom were full of shoe catalogs, chocolate samples, rose gardens, and string quartets, since that was the only possible explanation he could come up with to explain why women would go into the restroom in pairs and stay in there for so long.

My son–who thankfully did not inherit an amazing mini bladderini from my side of the family–claims that all women’s bathrooms must have plasma screen TVs and an endless supply of video games in them, since the only times he’s ever seen his mom, aunt or grandmother run is to get out of the car and run to the bathroom.

Unfortunately, like most of their ideas about my life, their fantasies have no relationship to the restroom reality.

So I am going to clear up the mystery of women’s restrooms, once and for all, by sharing my recent adventure into the public bathroom at a concert. But consider yourselves warned and another myth shattered: not only was there no chocolate, plasma or toilet paper in sight, I actually burned more calories in this “rest” room venture than I typically do at the gym.

Not wanting to waste a drop of my $8 beer, or miss a minute of my $200 concert, I waited until the band took a break to visit the restroom.

Unfortunately, so did every other woman at the show.

It doesn’t matter what time of day or night, or what the event is, even in an otherwise completely empty venue, there is always a line of women assembled to use a public bathroom. Usually I just smile politely and take my place, using the opportunity to check my email, fix my lipstick or just stare into space.

This time I had to pee so badly I got some aerobic exercise in (257 extra steps according to my pedometer) while waiting, including some power crunches as I checked for feet under the stall doors every three minutes, figuring that no one could actually be taking this long while I was waiting so anxiously.

When the door finally opened my bladder was ready to burst. I nearly knocked down the woman leaving the stall, then earned a few more crunches while helping her pick up her belongings from the floor. Who knew you could fit so many cosmetics into a teeny little clutch purse. Sorry!

Then I had to wrestle two drunk teenagers for the privilege of getting into my stall, burning approximately 239 calories in the process. A few deep breaths, then the door wouldn’t latch but I was about to wet my pants, so that was the least of my problems. The seat cover dispenser was empty and the door hook was missing, so I carefully hung my 400-pound purse around my neck, yanked down my jeans and assumed the “universal restroom position,” otherwise known as the URP.

In the URP my thigh muscles began to shake, rattle and roll. Of course I’d love to actually sit down and rest them, but there were no seat covers and I had to pee too badly to wipe the seat and lay toilet paper on it, hence, the URP.

As my thighs were shaking, and my head was aching, I reached for what turned out to be an empty toilet paper dispenser. Thank goodness I carry Kleenex pocket packs in my purse, the 400-pound purse that was precariously hanging around my neck.

As I tried to search the enormous black caverns of my bag for the five packs of Kleenex I know were in there somewhere, the sensor on the toilet flushed, scaring me to death, while propelling a fine mist of water onto the edges of my still URP-ing thighs. I shook them double time, burning at least 745 calories trying to dry off the mist while still searching for Kleenex and hand sanitizer that I now needed to wash off my legs.

The band was on its third encore by the time I returned to my seat, exhausted from my intermission workout. “What took you so long?” asked my husband, between bites of a truffle sampler he said he got in the men’s restroom.

Unbelievable, I thought, grabbing the candy from him. For once I gulped it down guilt-free. After all, I had already gotten my workout in the restroom.

Share your ladies room tales of woe with email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 17, 2008.

The Great Schlep

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No one in Hollywood could resist the pitch.

“It’s Fiddler on the Roof meets Hello Dolly meets Emma, The Matchmaker and Clueless for the Internet age,” says Papa Herman.

“Oh and Sarah Silverman looks adorable and cusses a lot,” adds Bubbie Essie.

“It’ll be bigger than “The Bachelor” and “Love Connection” were combined,” promises Cousin Stewey, whose great Uncle Al plays golf with Zadie Frank, who lives next door to Bubbie Essie.

You may think that this weekend’s celebration of the “Great Schlep“–in which hundreds of young, young-ish, and the-biological-clock-is-ticking-so-loudly-it’s-keeping-me-up-at-night Jews will travel to Florida to visit their grandparents, organize political discussions in Leisure World community rooms, and “have just a few more bites” of homemade rugelah–is all about supporting Barack Obama’s candidacy for president. After all, the “Great Schlep” is organized by the Jewish Council for Education and Research, a pro-Obama political action committee.

But really it’s all a just brilliant ruse designed by the Bubbies and the Zadies and the Nanas and the Papas and the Grammies and the Grandpas to get their grandchildren to stop messing around and meet and marry that nice Jewish boy/girl already.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” winks Bubbie Essie, whose up-do isn’t all that different from that of a certain vice presidential candidate. If we play our cards right, the “Great Schlep” might actually do more to repopulate the world’s Jewish population than the Barmitzah industry has.”

I agree. This has got to be the most brilliant Jewish matchmaking scheme ever. Not only will Jews be flocking to Florida this weekend, there are also “Great Schlep” events scheduled in Cincinnati, Las Vegas, Pittsburgh and Akron. It’s amazing how this thing is catching on.

“Things must have been pretty bad to motivate you to take this dramatic type of action,” I say.

“You have no idea,” says Bubbie Essie.

“We tried investing in J-Date, J-Singles, Jewish Cafe, Jewish Love Connection, even Saw You at Sinai.com, but my beautiful Rachael kept coming home with goys,” says Papa Herman.

“And my Steven, oy vey, that boy. So smart, yet so stupid! Blonde shiksas up the wazoo,” says Bubbie Essie.

“But then I heard Sarah Silverman talking on TV about Barack Obama, and this idea began to gel,” says Papa Herman. Now it’s his turn to wink. “We figure it’s a win-win-win. Worst case, we get a visit from our grandkids. That’s not so bad, eh?”

“It’s gonna work. Sarah Silverman’s so adorable. She’s just what we need. Though she cusses a lot, but I think that actually helps to get the kids’ attention, especially when she talks about all the things that old Jews and Blacks have in common,” says Bubbie Essie. “Sarah says, ‘they both wear track suits, they both love bling, and everyone they know is dying,’ and she’s so right!”

Bubbie is referring, of course, to the irreverent Internet video from Sarah Silverman promoting the “Great Schlep,” the theme of which is basically, “If Barack Obama doesn’t win this election, I am going to blame the Jews, so get your fat Jewish asses on a plane to Florida.” (www.thegreatschlep.com)

If at least 33 of your friends have forward this video to you, then you must be Jewish. And if at least 75 of your mother’s friends have forwarded this video to you, then you must be Jewish and single, in which case, have fun this weekend and don’t forget to wear protection–I mean sunscreen–of course.

Now it’s my turn to wink.

Share your “Great Schlep” stories with email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.
Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 10, 2008.

Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down With Jamie Allison

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Jamie Allison (photo by Lesley Hall)

Jamie Allison (photo by Lesley Hall)

Finding a way to combine fun, fitness and philanthropy was Jamie Allison’s goal when she founded Moms in Motion in Santa Barbara in 1999. Now she’s taking the show on the road, with 5,244 members in 140 cities, 45 states and four countries.

Leslie Dinaberg: How did Moms in Motion get started?

Jamie Allison: It was a hobby. We started with friends and family, there were14 of us who did the Triathlon team … For me it was about feeling overwhelmed with wanting to belong to a few charities, wanting to belong to a few social groups, wanting to belong to a few fitness teams that were already organized out there, and then feeling totally stressed out with the idea of how am I going to do that and be a mom and be a good wife and do it all.

… I started looking around for mommy/baby groups but that wasn’t really what I wanted either. I think there’s a really great purpose for that, especially for brand new moms to meet at the park with their babies, but after a while I wanted to move and get my fitness in and meet other women in the community that had those same interests. Yet at the same time I really wanted to be able to get everything in one place so I didn’t feel so maxed out and spread thin, and that’s when I thought about incorporating the charity part and then the social part.

Our whole foundation, our principles are fun, fitness, and philanthropy and in all of our groups locally and nationally those are the three principles they have to integrate into their programs. What I’m finding is that has set us apart as a unique niche. … It simplifies your life if you choose to just get everything in that one place.

LD: And the team leaders choose which nonprofits to support?

JA: Yes, it’s up to them. We’re kind of unique in Santa Barbara because we have multiple leaders here (Amanda Nicolato leads a bootcamp and weight training, Emily Watson leads a hiking team, Laura Francis leads the stand up paddle board team, Sean English leads the cycling team, Chrissy Lombardi leads the core conditioning and half marathon training teams, Ernesto Paredes leads the triathlon training team, and Mandy Burgess leads the surfing and conditioning team). … We meet every other month and talk about the different charities. Some leaders like to continue with the same charity year after year, some leaders like to mix it up, some leaders are getting new information about what’s out there each season but it’s their choice and the whole purpose is to constantly educate our members on what’s out there. So we give them a little taste of that charity and we either volunteer or we piggyback a fundraiser, or we create our own fundraiser and collectively we kind of do what we can to help that charity. So we invite the director to come and speak to us and kind of bring their wish list of wants and needs and then we as a group decide what we can do.

LD: It’s great to offer that opportunity because it’s hard to volunteer when you have young kids at home.

JA: Especially when your kids are little. Some members are so tapped out they can’t do anything and that’s okay, at least they’re getting the information about that charity. And there are others that are gung ho and are amazing with what they’re doing. A lot of those members, I’m thinking of Domestic Violence Solutions, have stayed on as independent volunteers and that’s when we really feel like we’ve contributed because yes, we’re adopted that charity for the season but when people continue on and that’s pretty awesome. And the triathlon team just raised money for Village Properties’ Teacher’s Fund and Computers for Families and so many of our members weren’t aware of those two opportunities, so it was pretty awesome.

LD: Do you train with one of the teams?

JA: I stepped out of the coaching arena, so yes now I get to enjoy doing that. And you know it’s hard to always take off that coaching hat completely. …Right now I’m running with Chrissy’s running group.

LD: really liked your blog just talking about training with the group from San Luis Obispo. There’s something really nice about being able to do that.

JA: The instant connection of it was so surreal for me because it was like closing your eyes and hearing the conversations I could have been here with our group, and it’s just connecting women and you’re at a kind of similar stage of life. I mean not everybody because we have 60 year olds running with us, we have mother-daughter duos, but for the most part where we are at this stage in life.

… When I was in San Luis we were talking to one of the moms who was a four-time marathon finisher, she was going through the empty nest syndrome. So she was talking to me about her kids had just left for college and it was really kind of fun because they kind of had a need to share why participating in Moms in Motion was nice for them.

I was feeling like I didn’t want to interrupt their practice but it was really wonderful to hear all of the different perspectives about why this is important to them, it’s fulfilling. That part of it is so great; it’s really what’s keeping me excited.

…When I was up in San Luis they wanted me to talk about how this all came to be and I was just talking about how important it is at this stage of life, I mean for me, to continue making friends along these lines that lift every body up. It’s a group that gets together to support each other and I was talking about all that, and I was saying how cool that is … how we’re building community and really that to me is what this is all about, building a sense of community and one of the members piped in she said, “but you forgot something think it’s like one of the most important things.” I was like what is it, what is it?

And she said “you know, when I leave for practice my girls are running around the house playing Moms in Motion.” And I thought wow. That gave me chills. This is really important for our kids to see mom taking care of herself because when she takes care of herself she’s taking care of the whole family.

LD: Is it hard for you to step out of the coaching and let local teams do their thing? Is that challenging for you at all?

JA: No, it’s not. … When I worked for the school district, my boss, Mike Couch, he was assistant superintendent and he brought me in as a reading coordinator for junior and senior high schools, to implement reading programs for kids who couldn’t read. I’ll never forget the way he led me. He said, “Jamie this is the program, you need to implement it. You just check in every week and tell me how it’s going.” And I thrived on that because I got to be creative, I got to make it my program, I didn’t have someone who was micro-managing me. I always thought gosh, that’s the way to lead. I mean obviously you’re going to have setbacks with people who try to take advantage of the situation and then you have to deal obviously with that, but for the most part I think with this I feel like if you set the structure and the model up and you provide that and you’re there for support and you have a pretty good sense of people that you bring in, my deal has always been let them lead. Get out of the way.

LD: You are sort of conspicuously absent from the Moms in Motion website. Is that intentional?

JA: Well sort of. I’ve always been a behind the scenes worker. It’s not really about me, it’s about them, and so I kind of put myself to the side. I’m there, if you want to find me you go to history and then there’s a place for me talking about all the little awards and all that good stuff, but I kind of feel that that’s not what Moms in Motion is really about–it’s really about connecting women to each other and developing that community.

LD: If you could be invisible anywhere in Santa Barbara, where would you go and what would you do?

JA: Onstage at the bowl with some of the musicians. I could be a backup singer and they wouldn’t even know it.

Vital Stats: Jamie Allison

Born: Santa Rosa, CA, January 21

Family: Husband Michael; daughters Kate (age 7) and Samantha (age 3).

Civic Involvement: “I really do that through my Moms in Motion groups.”

Professional Accomplishments: Teacher, Masters in Education from UCSB, Santa School Districts’ Secondary Reading Coordinator; Founder/CEO of Moms in Motion

Best Book You’ve Read Recently: A Map of the World, by Jane Hamilton

Little-Known Fact: “I studied with a Shaman in Peru for a few weeks.”

Originally published in Noozhawk on October 20, 2008. Click here to read it on that site.

Battle of the blab is a draw

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51tKTrr+gaLConventional wisdom says that women talk more than men, and up until recently there was relatively conclusive research to back that up. Women use 55 percent more words per day than men do, according to a book called The Female Brain.

I don’t know about their findings, but in my own extremely scientific, highly controlled experiment, I found that women use 100 percent more words per day than men do.

I told my husband about this very exciting scientific breakthrough.

Me: ” I think women talk about talk twice as much as men. What do you think?”

Husband: “Huh?”

Me: “See. I have to repeat everything I say.”

Husband: “What?”

Nothing like a true-life example to prove my theory.

But that was last week. It’s even quieter at my house this week. My husband is away on business, and my son’s at school, then soccer, then homework, and then he’s too exhausted to be much of a conversationalist. So Chatty Cathy (a.k.a. Loony Leslie) has mainly been chatting with herself.

With no one to talk to at home, I was trolling around the Internet for entertainment (not that kind of entertainment, get your minds out of the gutter) when I came across a University of Arizona study that found–unbelievably–that women don’t talk more than men, after all.

Oops.

In tracking the number of words used by male and female college students by equipping them with digital voice recorders, researchers found that statistically, men and women were just about even.

So the battle of the blab is a draw. I can hardly believe it. I’m practically speechless. You would think we’d hear more about the death of another enduring male-female stereotype. I’m guessing it’s because these were college students. The guys hadn’t gotten married yet, so they were in courtship mode and had to at least pretend that they would continue speaking after the wedding– kind of like women and sex.

But even if you buy into the research that men and women speak about the same number of words–which certainly wasn’t done at my house–they definitely don’t speak the same words.

Based on my own carefully documented research, men rarely utter the words “accessorize,” “size zero,” “cellulite” or “Botox,” unless they happen to be actors. Nor do you hear them describe someone as “unconventionally attractive,” or having “emotional intelligence.” “Grocery store,” “laundry” and “birthday card” also seem to be off limits.

On the other hand, men are 77 times more likely to use the word “fine” than women are. As in, “Okay, fine” to end an argument, when he really means, “You’re wrong but I’m tired and don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Or “You look fine,” when you’ve finally accessorized the 17th outfit you’ve tried on and he’s showing his emotional IQ by urging you to get out of the house.

Men will also say, “I’m fine,” rather than reveal weakness, say, when being tortured or held up at gunpoint.

Just the other day I came home and asked my husband how his day was. He said, “Fine.” But I know darn well what he really meant was “I know you want to talk about my day and all my relationships with my colleagues and boss (if I actually had relationships with any of them) but I just want to drink a beer, eat a bag of chips and zone out on CNN.”

At least we understand each other.

Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on October 3, 2008.

When Leslie’s not repeating herself, talking to herself, or changing her clothes, she’s usually on her computer, answering emails at email. For more columns visit www.LeslieDinaberg.com.

Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down with Leslie Westbrook

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Leslie Westbrook

Leslie Westbrook

Building on her lifelong interests in travel, fine art, and antiques, longtime local writer and editor Leslie Westbrook recently went public with her treasures, opening up a storefront, Leslie A. Westbrook, Art & Antiques, in Montecito’s upper village.

Leslie Dinaberg: Tell me about your new business venture?

Leslie Westbrook: I used to have an antique shop 20 years ago on Coast Village Road (Basement Antiques). So when I travel, I’ve been a travel writer for a long time, I’ve bought things and brought them back and sold them, sort of to supplement my income, but not in a big way.

LD: So you took your air miles and went to Brazil.

LW: I thought I’ll go down and I’ll buy some stuff and I’ll bring it back and I can sell it to collectors and/or consign it or sell it to shops. My area of interest and emphasis has always been art, but from South American “Santos,” because I’ve always liked them and been interested in them. So I went down there, I spent four days going to flea markets and a couple of antique dealers down there that I know and I bought a bunch of stuff. And I have a friend, sort of like my Brazilian son, he speaks Portuguese and helps me. Then I went off to Argentina and I said “here’s the money, ship this off DHL.”

LD: Now I know you and Miguel Fairbanks (who runs a wedding, event and portrait photography business in the back studio) are old friends.

LW: Yes and I just happened to say to him, “what are you doing with this space?” And he said, “You know, I need to rent it. Do you want to rent it?” … I wrote a check.

Three days later customs went on strike and held all of my goods and they’re still down there. … All of the sudden I had an empty shop, so I thought, I’d better get creative. I had a few pieces from the previous shipment…. and then I have more art than I have wall space in my house, so I brought in a Toulouse Lautrec and a Manet and I sort of started tearing things off the walls. Then I looked for a couple of contemporary artists who were local but who weren’t really showing here, like sculptor Jim Martin (www.jimmartinsculpture.com) and mixed media artist Barbara Bouman Jay (www.barbaraboumanjay.com and Ed Lister, who is an English artist who lives in Montecito but still doesn’t show here. … And then I took some things on consignment so and I bought a few other things. But I’m still waiting for my stuff to come from Brazil.

LD: How is business?

LW: Little by little the word is getting out. It’s picking up. What is really good for me is the decorators and designers are discovering me.

LD: That’s great. It seems like this is kind of antiques area in the upper village. How does this business fit in with your writing?

LW: Well, interestingly enough, I’ve been writing for California Home for about ten years and I also contribute to Traditional Homes and I wrote years ago for Art and Antique newspaper, I was the west coast editor, so I’ve always had an interest in art and antiques and design and I spent years scouting houses and writing about people’s gorgeous houses, so that ties in nicely. I am very open if someone is either decorator or they have a beautiful home and they want to bring me a disk of photos to look at for submission because I actually sit here and write all day. I’m here with my laptop and pity the poor customer if I’m lost in reverie, I have to tear myself away and become a salesperson. But it’s really kind of like a writing studio with a lot of stuff around me for sale is what it’s kind of turned into. And it’s nice to be writing here as opposed to being home alone–here I have more human contact. People come by which is really nice. So I have a shingle.

LD: I can definitely see where that would work. Do you think you’re still going to be traveling for your writing?

LW: I kind of tied myself down here. It’s a little bit of a dilemma. All of a sudden life I went oops, but I will have to go on buying trips if and when things get here and I have to replace them so in that event I’ll either get someone to sit here or I’ll close the door for a week and say gone buying. So right now I don’t have any travel plans but probably in October I’ll go back down to South America.

I wish I could clone myself so I could travel and be here. It’s a shift. Or if I do well enough at some point I could hire someone. I’m not in that position yet.

LD: When did you come to Santa Barbara?

LW: About 35 years ago. I came here to live on a hippie farm; Lambert Farm There’s a story I wrote about it in the new Carpinteria Magazine (http://carpinteriamagazine.com/). It was about 1973.

…. I grew up in Santa Monica but I used to come here in the summers. My best friend, her grandparents had Stewart Orchids, so we used to come up and stay at her grandparents’ house in Hope Ranch and that was when I was about 11 or 12,and then I met this boy at the Renaissance Faire and he lived on a farm called Lambert Farm with Kenny and Kathy Bortolazzo, they were married, and all these other people, so I moved up to live with him on this farm. It was this really cool place and it was all artisans and everybody had their own little Hobbity houses, outdoor bathrooms.

The romance was a summer romance but I fell in love with Santa Barbara and the love affair lasted with Santa Barbara.

LD: Were you always a writer?

LW: I always wrote. When I was first here after the hippie thing I worked as a cook on this estate and I made a documentary film and tried a lot of different things and I worked in advertising, and did headline writing and copywriting and then I turned into a travel writer. … I was an art major in college. I never finished school but I always loved to write and just 25 years later here I am, journalist, girl reporter. It’s fun to be interviewed though because I know when I’m interviewing people sometimes I want to share stories too.

LD: If you could pick three adjectives to describe yourself, what would they be?

LW: Gregarious or outgoing, compassionate, and honest.

LD: If you could be invisible anywhere in Santa Barbara, where would you go and what would you do?

LW: I would probably want to be in Oprah’s house (laughs), see what she needs and see where I could fill in a few holes.

Vital Stats: Leslie Westbrook

Born: Pasadena, June 14.

Family: “Mom, sister, dad, I don’t have a husband, I’m single, I don’t have any children, however I’m a fairy godmother.”

Civic Involvement: “I like to volunteer for different organizations every year, most recently I worked with Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic and the Art Museum Council. Lately I’ve been looking into bipolar people and working with FACT (families advocating for compassionate treatment).”

Professional Accomplishments: Journalist for 25 years; owns and operates Leslie A. Westbrook, Art & Antiques at 1482 East Valley Road, Suite 36, Montecito (805-969-4442).

Best Book You’ve Read Recently: Truth and Beauty by Ann Patchett

Little-Known Fact: “The men in my life all died, dumped me or went to jail!”

Originally published in Noozhawk on August 3, 2008. Click here to read the story on that site.

Marcia Marcia Marcia

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250px-BradyBunchtitleOh Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

You were the high point of my Saturday nights from September 26, 1969 (yep, that’s 39 years ago today, folks) till March 8, 1974, when the final “Hair-Brained Scheme” episode aired, and Greg bought hair tonic from Bobby that turned his hair red. Oops! LOL.

Dad was coaching football in those days, so mom would go root him on and leave us with a babysitter and TV dinners on TV trays. Macaroni and cheese with a brownie for dessert if we were lucky. Salisbury steak and mushy apple pie if we weren’t.

But no matter what the frozen fare was, The Brady Bunch was always on the menu.

I couldn’t wait for the next episode. Years later I chuckled for different reasons at the pilot “Honeymoon” episode, with Mr. Brady telling his bride to “take a Valium” to relax her on their wedding day. But back in those days there was no finer television than “Jan’s Aunt Jenny” who looked like Jan as a girl but grew up to look like Imogene Coca, or when Peter walked around saying “pork chops and applesauce” and pretended to be Humphrey Bogart in “The Personality Kid.” It still cracks me up.

As much as I treasured the Brady family vacations–like the three-part Grand Canyon (“Ghost Town U.S.A.,” “Grand Canyon or Bust,” and “The Brady Braves”) and Hawaiian adventures (“Hawaii Bound,” “Pass the Tabu,” and “The Tiki Caves”)–my favorite episodes were the ones that focused on Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

Whether she was signing up for every club on campus, running against Greg for student body president, or getting Davy Jones to come to her prom, Marcia always did it with grace, style, groovy go-go boots and a perfect hair flip. My six-year-old self adored her.

And when my eight-year-old self finally met her in person at a Girl Scout Fashion show, she couldn’t have been sweeter (unlike Greg, who I met in my 20’s–he couldn’t stop talking about his Camaro).

I know that The Brady Bunch is one of the most reviled and ridiculed shows in the history of television, but to me it’s always been one of the most revered, and that’s mostly because of Marcia.

But now I’m worried because Marcia, Marcia, Marcia wrote a book. Here’s the Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice by Maureen McCormick comes out October 14th and I can’t wait to read it. But at the same time I’m terrified that I’m going to learn that my childhood idol isn’t all I imagined her to be.

According to the press release: “Marcia Brady, eldest daughter on television’s The Brady Bunch, had it all. But what viewers didn’t know about the always sunny, perfect Marcia was that off-screen, her real-life counterpart, Maureen McCormick was living a very different–and not-so-wonderful–life. Maureen tells the shocking and inspirational true story of the beloved teen and the woman she became.”

It goes on to talk about her struggles with bouts of depression, cocaine addiction, bulimia, and estrangement from her family (not to mention all those Internet rumors about her and Jan being “more than sisters”). Here I thought she spent all her time off playing with Laurie Partridge.

What do you mean it wasn’t always a sunshine day?

Oh Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, say it isn’t so! You were my first girl crush. You made me want to sing with my mother, flirt with my brother and straighten my hair. Face it Marcia, you made me want to be a better girl. But now I hear you’re writing a tell-all that says you’re just like Britney, Miley and Lindsay and all of those other girls today who simply make me want to be a better mom.

Oh Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, say it isn’t so!

Originally published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on September 26, 2008.

Noozhawk Talks: Leslie Dinaberg Sits Down With Stephen Jacobsen

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Stephen Jacobsen

Stephen Jacobsen

After serving 16 years as Senior Pastor at Goleta Presbyterian Church, Stephen Jacobsen recently took over as Executive Director of Hospice of Santa Barbara.

Leslie Dinaberg: Did you always want to go into this kind of work?

Stephen Jacobsen: No. … I was a history major at UCSB a long, long time ago, so that whole thing of where do things come from, why is the world the way it is, it’s interesting to me. … I think too, in my ministerial work, it had a focus within a congregation. I did get involved in the community in a number of things over the years, but here at Hospice of Santa Barbara it’s like there are no boundaries. I can be anywhere in town listening and learning, so that’s pretty fun. It feels like a big toy box.

LD: Is that unusual to go into a school like UCSB and then go into the ministry?

SJ: When I was at UCSB I had no interest at all in religious stuff. …There are friends of mine that still can’t believe I ever went into this. But I was there in 1970, the bank was still smoking and lots of smoke was in the air of all kinds, so in that whole milieu it was a pretty exciting time, a pretty fascinating and wonderful time. … I made some decisions that weren’t too good for my health psychically as well as physically, and out of that I came to a personal crisis and then found a little grace point out there in the universe that kind of turned me around.

… Later, that led me into a relationship with the woman who is now my wife and we started going to a church and I was like, “I’ll be darned, every time I go here it’s kind of like this experience I had.” Before I thought organized religion was the most dull thing there ever was, but this has actually been going on for thousands of years, these writings in any tradition, so that’s what got me into it. UCSB was the last place … I never took a religious studies class there. … Personally, it’s a wonderful kind of a wonderful grace to where I kind of screwed up my life there. Here I get to go back and be a tax paying, responsible kind of a person who’s trying to help, and in that sense, I never thought I’d get back to Santa Barbara. But here I am, and in that sense it’s kind of a circle that I feel I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of.

LD: I know you served on the board before becoming executive director. What initially drew you to become involved with Hospice of Santa Barbara?

SJ: I’ve been in ministry 27 years and wherever I was people had such reverence for the work of Hospice and I got on the board in the 80s in Ventura County, when I was working in Santa Paula and it was an interesting board to be on. … Often in our culture we’re kind of like whoa, keeping things at arms length, and going through those things (loss of a loved one) kind of slows us down a little bit and makes us a little more reverent. So I thought this is interesting chemistry to be around where it’s people who have gone through some tough things in life. …Gail (Rink, the retiring executive director of Hospice of Santa Barbara) and I would do occasional programs together and I just loved hearing her speak.

… So with all that then, what got me interested in the job was I just felt personally in my life, I am 55 and I’ve been doing what I had done for 27 years and it was wonderful, but I thought I would be open to something different. I have a great appreciation for what this organization does, but also a sense that at this point in Hospice of Santa Barbara’s growth it really wants to–in addition to doing all of the care giving it does for people–move to work with others in the community.

… There’ s a movement, the Alliance for Living and Dying Well … it has these two goals, to do kind of the nuts and bolts thing of how can we get all the services well integrated? How can we get advanced directives very available to people? But then there’s this second kind of a thing that the alliance is very much wanting to do, which is take this message, to form and articulate this message and take it into the culture in which we live.

There’s a saying that I really like by a guy named Matthew Fox, which is, “If we savor more we buy less.” And so instead of saying I should buy less, it’s like if I come to terms with the idea my life is limited, then I start to enjoy each detail more and then I just don’t feel like I have to buy quite as much because what I am doing is really awesome.

LD: It’s amazing how quickly we lose touch too. When you’re in that moment of something big happening you think I’m going to remember this forever and then it fades and you go on with your life.

SJ: Yeah, yeah absolutely.

LD: As you evolve from a board member into the executive director that sounds like that’s going to be one of your things you’ll emphasize.

SJ: Yes, I think of my job as internal and external. Internal is the usual things that an executive director does, supporting and helping to manage the volunteers and staff and in that sense I kind of feel like a guardian. I want to protect my people and give them what they need but on the other end is this kind of external community relations thing and we’re interested in doing a lot of community education and collaborative things.

… One of my favorite definitions of leadership is the interweaving of relationships, so there’s one thing about setting the vision but there’s another thing about just seeing how all the relationships at all the different kinds of levels can just be woven together all the time so it’s strong, it’s not just one person out there in front of a charge. So a lot of what I look at is how to keep weaving relationships between Hospice of Santa Barbara and the healthcare people in town, the educational groups, all kinds of stuff.

LD: What do you do when you’re not working?

SJ: I love the beach, bicycling, I love to swim, I love opera, I love baseball. I’m a big Dodger fan, and there are 31 people that work here, but I don’t think there’s anyone else that cares, so I had to learn that the first week. … I love to travel. I don’t think I’ll be doing as much traveling here, but in my previous job had two weeks every year and I could save them on account, so I went to Mexico City and I loved kind of spiritual journeying, going to see the world. Here a lot of the journeying will be here in town.

Vital Stats: Stephen Jacobsen

Born: Nov. 8, 1952, San Bernardino

Family: Wife Ann; daughters Autumn (30, lives in Seattle), Alegra (21, lives in Austin, Texas), and Aria (18, a freshman at UC Santa Cruz); grandson Asher; Sophie the dog; and two chickens, Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley

Civic Involvement: Walter H. Capps Center for the Study of Ethics, Religion and Public Life (UCSB) advisory group; board member Hospice of Santa Barbara andIsla Vista Youth Project; recent past president of the Interfaith Initiative of Santa Barbara County; former board member of La Casa de Maria Retreat House

Professional Accomplishments: Senior pastor at Goleta Presbyterian Churchfor 16 years; Visiting Scholar at the UCSB Religious Studies Department; taught courses in history and religious studies at Heritage University in Toppenish, Wash.; pastor at Community Presbyterian Church in Wapato, Wash.

Best Book You’ve Read Recently: La Sumida Nursery “smallest ripe tomato” competition

Originally published in Noozhawk on October 6, 2008. Click here to read it on that site.

The politics of friendship

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elephant-donkey-politicsThe election is still more than six weeks away and I’m starting to get a callus on my tongue from biting it.

It’s not that I don’t like to talk about politics. I love to talk about politics. Just ask my husband, or my family, or any of my friends who happen to share my opinions. We talk about politics all the time and we love it. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve solved all the problems of the world over dinner and a few bottles of wine. It’s not that we don’t argue. We certainly don’t agree on everything, but we do share some very core ideas about the way the world should be run.

I love to talk about politics.

I just don’t want to talk about politics with certain people that I know because I like those people, and I want to continue liking them and I know that I won’t like what they have to say about the upcoming election and then I’ll have to either bite my tongue until it bleeds or try to have a rational conversation with someone who is clearly out of their mind if they really think what I think they think about the upcoming election.

But I’m scared to ask them because, honestly, if they feel the way I think they do I don’t want to know.

So I’m deluged with emails and links to blogs and funny YouTube videos from friends who know I think the way they think and I forward them on to friends who I think think the way we think, but there are a lot of people in my address book who don’t. With them, I try to pretend that there isn’t an election going on because I want to continue being friends with them and I know if we talk about it, it will be hard for me.

See, I have to deal with them daily at work, on soccer teams, PTAs and nonprofit committees, and I want to deal with them in a pleasant, respectful manner and stay friendly. They are my friends, after all. But quite frankly, I’m scared that if we start to talk about certain things I’ll lose all respect for their intelligence.

Then my blood pressure will go up whenever I see them, or perhaps even think about them. Then I won’t be able to sleep at night because I’ll have endless conversations with them in my head where I brilliantly and logically explain my point of view in a way that they couldn’t possibly disagree with me–and yet they still do.

So I’ll try again and again and again until I feel like I’m banging my head against the wall and then the alarm goes off and it’s morning and it starts all over again.

So I don’t talk about politics with them.

And it’s really not the end of the world. We have plenty of other things to talk about. In fact, it’s amazing how much time you can spend with someone when your children are the same age or you’re working on a common cause before you realize how far apart you are politically.

But once that barrier has been broken it’s hard to go back, and politics becomes the elephant–or the donkey–in the room that you try to ignore but can’t quite get out of your mind.

Published in the Santa Barbara Daily Sound on September 19, 2008.